BITCHY GIRL

[Lolla11]

My daughter is 11 years old, started developing breast last year, and started her first period last month. But since all this started about 6 months ago she has become a little bitch. Very short temper and fights alot with her friends at school. The parents is on my case every day about this, your daughter did this, your daughter said this. She has a very strong personality already. And if someone gives her trouble at school she is not scared to sort them out, in a way I am happy that she has a strong personality, but she can be ugly to her friends and everytime the parents complain by me it makes me feel like a bad parent. THe school has even turned around and said she is like this because there must be abuse at home. I got very upset about it. They asked my kids does your mother and father fight, they said yes, but show me one married couple that doesn't. We have words, but no abuse. We try our best not to fight infront of them and 95% of the time we wait till they asleep then try talk it out.

I just don't know what to do with my daughter's temper anymore. I control her temper at home, and it isn't that bad at home. The problem is at school, not sure if it is wrong friends, or is it because she is going threw that stage of becoming a young lady. But she jumps on her horse if you even look at her wrong. Last week a boy pushed her of the steps and she got so angry she beated him up and this boy is twice her size. And she is the oldest of the 3 and stands up for her 2 smaller brothers but gets into trouble for it.

I know she is sometimes wrong, but the school now wants me to take her for anger manigment classes and put or on depression pills. I don't believe in giving a girl at such a young age medication for depression.

What is happening to our world, doctors and schools, the only thing they want to do is put kids on meds, so the kids can be zombies at school so they can have peace. 90% of South Africa's schools sucks. Its not the same as 20 years ago.

I want to help my daughter, but must i put her on meds to calm her down, or is it just normal for teenage girls to act this way. She is not spoiled, they don't even get pocket money, they have to work to get money. Like cleaning, or helping in the house.

I need advise, I am at the end and just feel like telling everyone including the school to go to hell

My sympathies, it's a tough time for both of you.

I see it as a positive that the staff at her school are trying to help her so don't look at them like they're the enemy. They have a duty to check she is not being raised in a dysfunctional family so try not to resent them for looking out for less fortunate pupils.

Hormones can play havoc. Your DD won't necessarily like herself at the moment. Her friends won't yet comprehend what she's going through. When she tells you about negative stuff or brings home notes from school, remember she sees your own body language and facial expressions. You are upset for her but you have two younger children to cope with too, you probably dread further comments from other parents. She needs to know you are on her side.

Consider triggers that make her anger worse, teasing, hunger, tiredness.

I would make sure you get 1:1 time and suggest coping mechanisms:

Stop and think! Calm down by counting slowly and breathing deeply.

Use a body relaxation technique eg shaking arms, imagining anger being flung away

Tell someone how she feels or write about feelings

Exercise or at minimum do something physical eg stamp feet

She has to tone it down when at school but equally needs to respect you and the rules at home too. Sounds like you and she still communicate so that's a start. Anger management might be an idea but I agree I don't think I'd reach for meds yet.

For now she may be developmentally ahead of her peers but they're going to catch up. In the meantime she'll have an easier time if she can work with authority figures.