is this normal for my 6 yr old to have a 1.5 hrs tantrum

[biglips]

She is turning 6 on the 21st and is my second child. Her tantrums had always been long ones...average half an hour but tonight it went on for 1.5 hrs... She was screaming in her bedroom and kicking the door. She is so stubborn and very forward thinking and not literally listening to why she been put in her room.

She got sent to bed after giving her 4 chances cos she wasn't doing her reading homework properly as wouldn't read out the word that she was stuck on and then being awkward after that.

Its like if someone had switched on her bad mood switch and she is into one out of the blue.

She intends to listen to me more than her dad and had always been like that. Dad shouts and I talk but I do shouts if needed. She intends to switch off if u start shouting at her which it would get us nowhere.

Is this all normal?? As dh is thinking her behaviour is not normal

I have no idea..
In comparison ds1 is almost 5. I don't think he has ever really had a tantrum and those he did were age 1-2 years and lasted few mins tops.

Does there seem to be a trigger for them?how do you react? Do you tray and talk etc or leave in room until calm. Ie would she still tantrum 90 mins if in room alone with no communication

We have always said we will listen to any problems/ debates if spoken to, but any temper/ crying if not hurt/ winging / shouting gets complete ignored.

Mine would probably go on that long if I left him. I have to ignore and carry on or stop and sit with him then he calms down and I can talk it through. He usually kicks off over homework as well - it doesn't help that his sibling doesn't have any and is sits playing nicely while the tantrum is kicking off. I feel like crap at the end of the day when I've got housework to do so I do take it easy on him as we're very similar!

Back to school tiredness?

I haven't the foggiest idea how long DD2 raged for. At six she used to get sent to her room until she wanted to be nice.

I confess, once or twice, DD1 and me forgot about her for an hour or two. When we remembered she was play quietly.

I'm certain if you'd tried to reason with her she'd have stayed in a strop.

Six/seven year olds are notorious for throwing better than toddler tantrums. DFs DD did and so did DNiece.

I think it's one of those confusing step changes in growing up. They want to be more independent on their terms, school and parents want them to be more grown up on their terms.

Unfortunately, the six year old and' adult taking on "being more grown up and independent" are often very different.

Just like toddlers they get confused and frustrated and in a total tizz.

My six year old grandson kicks off for no apparent reason and can go on for hours!

Art....my dh always wait till dd2 calm down to able to get her to listen to him. He tried a few times but tonight she stripped her bed bare and wouldn't put it back on her bed. she usually is good with her homework's and reading with me but I find that she gets abit awkward with dh and some words she doesn't know what it is (but she is fine with me on that word (s))......she acts abit weird to dh with her reading for some reason. we talk and 5 - 10 mins, we end up shouting at her which then she switched off.

Our dd1 had tantrums when she was the same age but it was all over in about 15 mins. But my dd2 tantrums is alot longer and you have to take her up the stairs and into her room.

I feel that dd2 doesn't feel the same love as she have for her dad. Is like she doesn't give a shit about him and she always hugs me and tells me that she loves me but not to dh. she always been like that from literally birth.

Back to school tiredness...... Yes that's played part of it. She is like a tornado!

Dd2 been having these long tantrums since she started nursery

Elephant.. I do hope u are right.

Dh always said to me "she is hard work" and I used to say "really?, as I thought its dd1 as she doesn't listen". But it actually dd2 being hard work to dh but not me.

Does it matter she took sheets off bed? I am off the opinion that you should pick your battles. The only person pulling off her bed sheets affects is her, so I would just leave until calm. When she goes to bed then she can remake with your help as will need it then

I would say something like ' if you are going to continue to shout then you need to take yourself to your room, once you are ready to continue with reading then you may come down. The longer you decide to take the longer he reading will take. Once your reading is finished nicely then you may help bake/ go outside/ paint'. Then just leave her. Repeat above as needed

A child's behaviour at that age is reactionary still.
I think there are several issues going on. Do you think you could be pushing her till she explodes. You said you insisted she read a word she got wrong. If that was difficult for her. May be you put her under pressure. Just back at school , new teacher, tired etc.
perhaps getting something wrong was the last straw.
You could have modelled the word for her and she would have remembered it and got it right when you read tomorrow. Talking about her mood or what you perceived she did wrong when she is up set will fuel the fire. Of course she can't reason when up set , who can?

Art....i wouldve of waited till she was calm and she to remake her bed (with our help of course).... I wasn't in last night as I went out when dd2 got taken to bed. we've tried a few times when we said "come down when you've calmed down etc..". But she takes herself off downstairs and be kicking off downstairs. you cant tell her to go upstairs for a timeout (one min for every age year)....but she is soooo stubborn that she will stand on her ground till you end up screaming at her....even that doesn't work at times till you carry her. even when you try to reason her with something, she put her fingers in her ears and not be listening to you.

Hey....we ask her to break up the words like she normally does and she is a good reader and she loves her writing homeworks. She was stuck on one word and didn't want to try to have a go with that word as she stopped reading it there and then. And dh offered to help her with that word but she refused it as well. So we said ok we will put it away but she said no she wanted to read it, but refused to read it again, it was going round in circles. Like if she was playing up with dh.

She got her reading homework out this morning and read it through to dh with no problems.

With dd2 ive gotta talk to her calmly to get somewhere but if I start shouting, she refused to listen point blank.

There's always been fireworks with dd2 and dh.

We've decided for my dh to spend time with dd2 alone to take her out with him.

She have swimming lessons once a week and does muay Thai twice a week which she loves.

I just wish there was a better relationship between them.

OP give them time. The reason I said it was DD1 and me who forgot DD2 had been sent to her room is because DH just wandered off to his study if she was being annoying.

DD2 is 13 now and they get on fine, joking and teasing and giving each other the odd hug.

The poster who said 6 year olds are reactionary has it exactly right. They don't think about their actions and they certainly don't think about the effect of their words. They come up with something 'clever' and just blurt it out. They don't have the foresight or emotional intelligence to realise what they said or did was much more upsetting or annoying than they intended.

I think DHs find it harder than we do to remember they are only little. DD1 was incredibly tolerant, but she's only three years older and even she was tempted to thump DD2 after too many apart put downs.

Smart put downs.

We both know that we need to give them time in everything. It went on for 15 mins before we decided for dd2 to go to bed (as it was nearly her bedtime anyway). can u able share any suggestions if u have any? As we more or less tried everything.

She is a good girl with a very stubborn streak. my dd1 used to have a "feelings book" so whenever she can feel a mood coming on (maybe a bad day in school), she'll write it down and either give it to me to read it there and then or leave it on my bed for me to read it later. it works really well. Gonna give it a try with dd2 if works or not.

Or am I actually missing a point? As I'm glad its sounds normal. As was thinking her tantrums are wild