Am I too harsh?

[LittleDonkeyKong]

During the summer holidays it became a nightly occurrence the my DD who is 4 next month got into my bed. I started to tell her if she got into my bed she could not watch her tv programmes. Is this too harsh? She can play with her toys and colouring books etc. We had a good 4 night stretch of her not getting into my bed but she did last night so she has not watched any of her tv programmes today.

Why is she getting in your bed?
Why don't you want her to?

I don't know why she is getting in. If it was illness or she was in absolute hysterics it would be different but she's not. I don't realise she is there until I wake up.

I would prefer she stayed in her own bed as she has her own bed! Does that in itself make me terrible?

I wouldn't say it's harsh, once you allow them in your bed you make rod for your own back. Of course if my DC are ill then yes I keep them in bed with me but not normally.

You absolutely have the right to sleep on your own if you want to. Instead of punishing her for getting into your bed, how about rewarding her for staying in her own? If she sleeps in her own bed she can watch tv the next day. Or she will get a sticker and after 4 stickers something she likes - a small toy / an outing to the park / an extra bedtime story... whatever you think will motivate her.

Yanbu, but I agree with carrot rather than stick. rewards for staying in her own bed, rather than punishments for not. x

I tried the carrot approach but that didn't work either. She isn't motivated by goods lol. It seems she just does it when she feels like it and doesn't mind missing tv

If you don't realise she's there why is it a problem?

Maybe she just misses you?

That's what I was wondering gold

I also have a younger DD who has just turned 1 and I don't want her to realise what her sister is doing when she herself is able to get out of her bed!

Seriously is it such a bad thing to want my own bed??

I am a single mum and it is the one time of day I get to be on my own. I love my girls but I don't want to sleep with them.

I totally get it, I wouldn't want it either, one offs do become habits I know someone who's 9 year old still gets in her bed that would piss me off.
I think the only way is to take her back straight away, I would maybe put something over your door like a wind chime or something so you are woken and can take her back.
Fair enough for people who want to co sleep but you as the adult in your house are the one who can choose that not dc or other parents.

Oh about the tv thing I dont think its harsh but I think 4 year olds still live for the moment a bit too much for a consequence tomorrow to carry much weight so probably in effective rather than harsh.

both mine came into our bed (me & DP) till they were 6-7, coslept as babies DD1 only stopped cos there wasn't enough room when DD2 came along!
What worked with DD2 is lots and lots of praise and surprise when she was a big girl and stayed in her own bed...so much that she waited for me to get up in the morning so I could see she was still in her bed...

I have just stopped youngest DD coming into my bed when she wakes so hope to have the double back to myself permenetly

I'm hoping now she's back in her nursery routine things may get back to normal sharpish!

She used to be so good and wouldn't even get out of her bed until I physically went into her room on a morning bless her.

She said to me today "I cant watch my programmes because I didn't stay in my bed did I mummy" and then just before she went to bed she sais "I'm going to stay in my bed like a big girl mummy so I can watch my programmes while I eat my breakfast" We'll see haha

So in whose bed did she wake up this morning?