3 year old defiance - how to handle it?

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I'm sure this is not a new topic (!) but I'm feeling very down about my dd who's just turned 3. She's always been quite excitable and fun but now just seems to be getting unmanageable.

She has had some big changes recently, most obviously we have just moved house. She is hanging out with new children in a new area. However, she says 'No' to everything, getting up, having breakfast, getting dressed, going out etc etc. Even fun things are treated the same way. She has major crying fits and tantrums over everything and is more or less hysterical at least once a day. She has been potty trained for 4 months but recently has accidents, usually 5 minutes after I've asked her if she wants to do a wee. She is dry at night so I don't think she has a physical problem, I think she's being stubborn.

Sorry for such a long post but I feel utterly miserable today. We have tried various things with her such as giving her plenty of warning that we are going to do something eg clean teeth, praised good behaviour, not made a big deal about bad behaviour (apart from things like play smacking as this is unacceptable) etc. We do put her in a quiet place to calm down if she goes bonkers but don't do naughty step as it seems to inflame the situation.

I am on maternity leave with a 10 month old and I try really hard to give the 3 year old attention but it is difficult. I just don't know what to do. Ever since she turned 2 dd's behaviour has got worse and worse. I'm worried I'm starting not to like her.

My DD was also very excitable and strong willed. At 3 she would say no to absolutely everything - it felt like it was a reflex. Even the things we knew she'd like she'd say no without hearing what we were even offering. It was her asserting her power of choice i guess. We started to make a game out if it saying 'Melissa says YES'! And high five-ing, she thought it was funny and would join in. We also did a lot of work with her through food - making sure she wasn't getting any food additives, chemicals, colourings or too much sugar - it did the world of good. she's much more calm these days and really cooperative. Anyway, I did a blog post on an alternative way to deal with tantrums - here's the post if you're interested. mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/05/12/temper-tantrums-an-alternative-approach/

I also really like Dr Sears approach on tantrums. There's a link to it on my Temper tantrum page or just search in google. He has some really good advice.
Good luck with it all. Best wishes

No advice, just wanted to say my angel boy at 2 has turned into a no no no machine, seemingly the minute he hit 3!

Change can be very scary for them, and they don't know how to react. So, try to be as consistent about things as you can where it's realistic. Also, can you present her with simple choices where 'No' isn't really an option? eg don't say "Time to get dressed" or "Are you going to get dressed?" but make it "Red t-shirt or blue t-shirt?"

They do get easier to handle once they feel more able to communicate - 3 is tricky as they have strong feelings but can't express them or even understand them a lot of the time!

Thank you all. I do try to phrase things so she can't just say 'No!' but I'm obviously not doing very well with it!
I love her so much but sometimes it's hard to get her upstairs to dress her or out of the door and I do get snappy and bossy. I wonder where she gets it from!