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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3yo jealous of newborn

12 replies

Booboostoo · 07/09/2014 11:04

DS was born last Tuesday and 3yo DD is a bit jealous. It's not too bad, she is very gentle and helpful with him but this morning she was telling me how she feels sad that mummy is with DS all the time and she doesn't want mummy to love DS as mummy can only love one person. I tried talking to her about it (following the How to Talk to Kids book which has been very useful in the past) and we had special DD and mum time alone this morning but is there anything else I could be doing?

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Lally112 · 08/09/2014 03:59

maybe get her more involved with the baby? let her help out? DD ws only a year older than her when my two were born and she was worse - told me she was going to put one in the bin and I had to pick which one I wanted to keep. getting her involved with the baby routine let her be 'big sister' and 'like mum' and eased her into her new role in the family as she was no longer the baby.

we got her to help out at nappy change by bringing clean nappys, applying cream etc, got her to feed one whilst I fed the other, help read baby a story, pick the story that we read, help wind baby, help sooth crying baby and it worked out pretty good for me too because shes a dab hand with babies and toddlers now and I get a wee bit of a break. I'm not saying it was plain sailing or anything but it did help.

LizLimone · 08/09/2014 04:57

Watching with interest as my DS will be 3 when DC2 arrives and I am concerned about him becoming jealous of the attention the baby will be getting...

cathpip · 08/09/2014 05:40

If it helps my dc1 hated dc2 for about 3ish weeks, then the love started to spread!

TheToadLessTravelled · 08/09/2014 05:51

I got 3yo ds his own baby doll to look after so I am hoping that when dc2 arrives in a few weeks he will entertain himself copying me rather than getting jealous. It's been great for teaching him how to handle a baby (no blankets over faces etc). Fingers crossed it helps....

TheHomicidalPowerOfaTypo · 08/09/2014 06:16

I always left the baby to cry if ds needed something or I was in the middle of something with him when she woke up. A tiny baby will have no idea that they've waited rep mins but a toddler will. I also made sure that ds knew that while I was feeding dd I always had one side of my lap free for him to come and cuddle on so he wasn't pushed away and involved him in all aspects of her care.

TheHomicidalPowerOfaTypo · 08/09/2014 06:17

Rep = two

Original poster

Booboostoo · 08/09/2014 11:24

Thank you for the replies - I am watching the thread, just finding it tough to find free time to post!

DD is very positive about helping and very positive about DS directly (apparently he is cute, he gets very gently cuddles, help with bf, etc). It's more the things she says, e.g. I am sad because I am jealous, daddy hates me now we have a new baby, mummy can only love one person, etc. on the other hand last night she said "I am letting you go sleep with DS" so maybe she'll come to terms with it all.

OP posts:

Lally112 · 08/09/2014 11:30

it sounds like shes feeling pushed out though, by what she says, rather than adapting to her new role as the big sister and elder child. she will come to terms with it, it just takes a while.

PeterParkerSays · 08/09/2014 11:35

Some of that talk you can pick up on. You don't love only one person, because you love her, and her daddy and your mummy and the dog.... You can't just love one person. Do you know anyone with twins - mummies have to find enough love for two at the same time then.

I would also suggest finding activities that you can do with her whilst the baby's asleep, and focus on them being for a "big" girl, button sorting, threading games, jigsaws etc and spend some 1:1 time with her doing them, to show that you recognise positive things in her being the age she is. Can you "talk" to the baby about how well your DD is drawing or getting herself dressed perhaps, "wow baby, look how quickly DD can put a vest on! She must have strong arms to do that so quickly" or whatever?

moas · 08/09/2014 17:36

More books for her? My DS1 was quite jealous and was not very advanced in expressing himself when DS2 arrived. We got books from the library, he loved "Lulu reads to Zeke" and "To small for honey cake" but there were many more. It is still a bit of a challenge but things settled down after about 6 weeks.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 09/09/2014 10:57

Thanks for all the good ideas. I tried speaking on behalf of DS to say what a good sister she is and that worked really well - she was beaming with pride. I'll try the books as well as she usually likes books and talks about them.

OP posts:

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 09/09/2014 11:04

A little treat from baby to her might help

My DD has taken to her Sibling so well since we started to let her help, it helps them feel proud I think

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