2.9yr DD hitting, biting, screaming, kicking - help

[PickledSprout]

As title says.

DD is very articulate so I don't think it's a communication frustration as such. It seems to be getting worse. Every time we ask/tell her to do something that she doesn't want to do (could be getting dressed, walking a certain direction during a walk, going in to a shop, leaving playground.) or she isn't allowed to do something she wants (have an icecream, play in the park, kick the dog etc) it inevitably results in her hitting, kicking or biting us (mostly me) and there is always screaming. We always give plenty of warning before any of these events.

I am 6.5 months pregnant so perhaps a little hormonal but I have lost count of the times I have been blinking through tears in public, attempting to calm, restrain, make forward progress with a screaming dervish DD in my arms.

She is such an intelligent, feisty, creative, beautiful little girl. I hate that this is happening as really it must make her as unhappy as it does us.

We have been quite firm and I think consistent in our response. If at home and she lashes out at us or the dog we move her into another room/away from the situation and tell her she is welcome back with us as soon as she has calmed down. Out in public I restrain her attempts to hurt me/ say something along the lines of "no that hurts me" and try to move on a subset as possible.

Feel like the whole works is looking and tutting at us!

is this a phase (bloody long one) or should I be concerned something else might be going on?

Is she getting enough sleep? She's a similar age to my dd and she's like that when tired. She can't articulate complicated things even though her speech is incredible (she's my second so not pfb).

Also she is trying to exert her independence but doesn't quite know how. This can create battles.

Sometimes being firm with boundaries works well but pick the battles. She will test them and get confused and upset if the rules "change" etc.

Best thing is to not let it escalate - just pick her up and move on if out. If at home I sit next to her until she calms down and give her a cuddle. I also label her feelings e.g. dd you're tired/sad - which she can now tell me unprompted.

Thanks. I think that is pretty much what we are trying to do too.

Yes she does get tired, though not enough for a nap. She sleeps well at night although she is still in bed with me so we do sometimes wake each other up moving!

Definitely seems to be an independence thing. It's so frustration as i want her to feel she has some independence and I think a little girl needs a bit of feist so I don't want to quash it and break her.

I don't want to let her down by handling this badly.

Hi OP, my DS is slightly older at 3.5 but he is exactly the same, we have put it down to tiredness at times, but also I am 9 months pregnant, and could possibly be having an effect on him cause he know soon there's going to be a big change happening. Children especially toddlers are very clever at hiding how they feel when it comes to something like that so maybe it's there way of wanting the attention on them still? I'm hoping that it is just a phase, for both of us!! I sympathize with you though I know how hard it is to hold back the tears in public!!

Hi ALways

I did wonder if pregnancy might be involved. She does talk about the new baby positively; suggesting names and kissing the bump etc. She was also still being breastfed during the day when I got pregnant. She dropped to evenings and mornings after a few months and then my milk dried up so has had to wean a little before she was ready perhaps.

It's difficult in public isn't it? Sometimes I think people are presuming she is a spoilt brat and other times they probably think i am hurting her or something as she screams and kicks at me to get away. Either way it sucks!