My four year old ds has turned so angry! Why?

[Thesimplethings]

My ds1 age 4.4 is so angry, all of the time. Obviously happy when getting his own way or chocolate but the tiniest request to put his shoes on/pick up his toys/sit down and eat lunch etc is met with a horrible snarl and back chat which then escalates into full on tantrum mode. Why?!

The last two weeks have been hell, even trying to do something nice together leads to these episodes. For example, on a trip out ds1 starts getting over excited and bossy with another child so I step in and ask him to play nicely. Ds1 then roars in my face and kicks off. It then ends up in us having to leave with yet another outing ruined.

Is this a four year old thing or something else?

He is well and truly in the I want phase too and a simply no sends him over the edge

My DS is 4.5 and I have to say that I've found the '4's' the toughest period so far. I've certainly had a rough ride the last few weeks. He decided he didn't like me much and wanted his Dad!

He's chilled out a bit now fortunately but is very aggressive at the drop of a hat....and talking back (arghhh). He's also just started school this week so I'm bracing myself for another tough couple of months until he adjusts to the new routine/tiredness levels.

We made it through the first week of school with no issues until today. I was mortified that his teacher pulled me to one side to inform me of a few incidents (today was a trial full day, they are doing 1/2 days for 2 weeks). Apparently, he destroyed a pretend picnic a few of the girls had made just because he didn't like picnics, got very angry and had trouble listening. I hope today was more tiredness and teething problems settling in to school life (wasn't like this at all at pre-school).

When I questioned him about it tonight, he told me he doesn't like girls anymore!!

A few of my friends had suggested testosterone surges at 4. Not sure just how accurate it is though - certainly would explain the anger!

You're not alone >.

Bumping and marking the place...

My 4 and a half DD is exactly the same, and I do not know how to deal with it!

Someone told me (don't know if it's actually true) that age 4 is when boys get a significant burst of testosterone, and that's why they become angry feral monsters for a while. I have three DSs - they were all bloody hard work at 4 -they're all quite old now but when I look back to the worst times, it was when they were 4.

They get nice again, promise.

mine's 4 and a half and is being really difficult (aggressive, loud,) at the moment. i had thought it might be due to a long course of antibiotics (complete with artificial sweeteners etc) but actually, having asked about, i thin k it is a horrible testosterone fuelled phase which will pass! i hope. marking place.

It's wearing and embarrassing!

Ds1 doesn't start reception until Monday so I took him along to toddlers with ds2. He started to get a bit boisterous so I had a quiet word with him to look out for the babies. I was rewarded with snarls and cross face pulling for a while

This last two weeks was supposed to be about spending time together as a family as dh was off work but we have done nothing. Even the threat of missing days out didn't curb the attitude so we have all missed out

He needs to be outside running about. Also teach him how to deal with his rage.

I don't think it's been helped by the fact that dh and I joined forces in tackling his point blank refusal to poo in the toilet. Which resulted in him withholding for 9 days. The hv recommended not having pull ups in the house so he couldn't help himself. On the bright side 2 year old ds2 is fully trained....

How do you teach them to deal with their rage iggly?

It's draining isn't it (I'm sat in bed eating my dinner - don't laugh, my husband took one look at me and said maybe I should lol?!!!) It's not 100% to do with DS1 today - I have a DD who is 2 (who didn't nap today=chaos) and I had builders turn up right after the school run this afternoon to fix something. Oh it was a bad afternoon!

With the 'no' and subsequent tantrum issue. One thing that has sort of saved my sanity is this:

Eg - Muuuuum, I want to have a have a biscuit now!

"You can have one, after dinner. It's dinner time right now, when we have finished eating you can come choose one ok."

It's been a big turning point in my house. If I need to say no to something, I always give an explanation whether he likes it or not or use the above (as an example). I hope things mellow for good soon!

4 years
big change (school) on horizon.

he must be worried.

agree with others though. lots of wild running about outside (might also help his poo issue), lots of cuddles. plenty of sleep.

My normally lovely 4.4 year old is exactly the same. My dad is down at the minute and was hugely surprised at the enormous tantrum ds1 threw when i asked him to put on his socks. He'd never seen him do it before!

All my friends with children of the same age have been saying the same... I figured it might be anxiety over starting school - which is not til next thursday so he's hearing of everyone else starting in advance. I really hope it doesn't last too long!

A wise colleague once told me that after the 'terrible two's', the 'fucking fours' are the worst.

I LOL'd hard = 'the fucking fours' love it!! You just totally made my day! :D

Yes, it made my life easier knowing it's par for the course.

They are so fucking unreasonable that one day you will look back and laugh.

The fucking fours . yes that's exactly it. love it Yama

yes definitely the fucking fours. I've lost count the number of times I've said for fuck sake in my head whilst dealing with my sons challenging behaviour.

Should go to bed but I'm relishing the peace - until 8am.