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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Anyone else out there with a new baby feeling a bit down and finding it a bit tough?

24 replies

HollyRose6 · 04/09/2014 21:06

Hi everyone,

Ok I'm on my second baby, DS2, he's a month today. Just feeling a bit down and wondering if anyone is the same. I always said after having DS1 4 years ago with my ex, "never again" but then I met my lovely DP and sort of forgot how tough having a newborn is

Don't get me wrong I love DS2 so much and am so grateful but I'm just finding sleepless nights, sick, crying, and nappies so much tougher this time around.

Not depressed just blooming tired (and tired of smelling of baby vomit)

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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crazylady2013 · 04/09/2014 21:40

I have a 3 wk old and feel the same at times. He is my first so don't have any other children to run after/organise. However he is a velcro baby. I feel guilty at times when I'm so releived whdn DH gets home so that I can have time to myself without a baby attached. I love all the cuddles but the feeding/crying/burping/nappies is really relentless. Hope you have a good night .

PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears · 04/09/2014 21:44

In the same boat, 4 week old ds and 20mo dd, although if I'm still feeling how I do at my 6 week check I might ask about pnd.. I think you forget how hard it is, and it's more than twice as hard with two!!

Outflewtheweb · 04/09/2014 21:49

It's so much harder second time around! Everyone said it would be easier but I think having a toddler and a newborn is brutal a lot of the time. I am on my knees and thought by now (6 weeks in) things would be coming together, but still our days are either great or awful - no even keel yet. Ugh.

Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 04:25

I think it's hard when it's your first because I just remember being worried all the time but with your second you're even more exhausted with 2 to look after.

Crazy DS1 was a velcro baby too, DS2 doesn't get a chance to be one though because I'm so busy with DS1. In the end with DS1 I managed to get him into a routine at 8wks which was brilliant because it gave me time to myself in the day. DS2 is already following a very loose routine where I roughly know when he needs to sleep or eat but it all went wrong today and I'm paying for it tonight.

Pink and Outflew I'm sorry you too are finding it tough too but also relieved that I'm not the only one.

Been up since 2am with him and now giving up and bringing him in the bed!

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 05/09/2014 04:59

It's ok to feel like this. Don't be tough on yourself.

If you can, meet up with some other new mums. Local baby cafe, children's groups etc. Having a good moan to others in the same position in RL will help as will getting out of the house.

It will get better, remember that.

Reward all your hard work with some treats, chocolate, cake etc.

Take care.

ColdCottage · 05/09/2014 05:00

Also, speak to HV, they can offer support, a shoulder to cry on/ get things off your chest too. Also keep an eye on you to make sure you are not slipping into postnatal depression.

ItsAlwaysBetterOnHoliday · 05/09/2014 06:32

Feeling the same here. DS is 8 weeks and I hoped it would be easier by now but I feel like it's just as hard. He woke for a 2nd feed at 5 and after I stupidly picked him up to burp him after he fell asleep (he was making lots of grunting noises) he was wide awake again and I'm now in tears at thought of 12 hours alone with a grizzly baby. I am getting out the house most days but DS seems so grizzly compared to other babies that I'm now finding it stressful. Fed up.

PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears · 05/09/2014 07:24

My hv is horrific, she came round last week for a pnd check as I had it after dd, she asked me how I was feeling I replied with 'yeah.. Okay, but..' Then ds was sick all over me, ran to grab him a change of clothes and she asked me a load of different questions on my return then left. She wrote in his red book I was well and coping :/

itsalways please remember- they can't cry forever
do something today, even if he's crying, do something, even just go for a walk around your local park so no one can hear him making you embarrassed. That is now my only requirement for a day, leave the house. I don't care where or why, just leave!!!!!

ColdCottage · 05/09/2014 10:49

Try having them on the bed next to you in the morning of you've had no sleep. Face them and close eyes, they will soon learn this means you won't interact with you. They will entertain themselves for a while them drop off. In the early days a dummy helps them focus on sleep.

As you are in top of the covers they can't suffocate under covers. Put a rolled up towel from their armpits down to avoid accidental rolling. Enjoy your nap

Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 12:49

Itsalwaysbetter: DS1 did the waking at 5 thing and DS2 is starting to do it. I really recommend bringing them in the bed at this point to help them get back to sleep as this, according to several books I've read, can help to stop early waking. It worked brilliantly with DS1 and seems to help DS2. I lie on my side with him facing me snuggled into my chest with a towel behind him and wrap my arms behind him. I remember being at my wits end with DS1 at 8wks. The only encouraging thing I can say to you is I also remember taking him round to a friends at 12wks and having a lovely time because things had improved so much. I'm the same good days and bad, actually more like ok days and blooming awful ones.

Pink

OP posts:

Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 13:05

Sorry posted too soon!

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Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 13:12

Pink: My HV is also not great. She spent more time talking to DS1 than me and was rather judgemental about my choice of school for him. She really got DP's back up. Dont you just love the pnd questionnaire? Of course you're feeling anxious, tired, scared, tearful and not sleeping easily, you've just had a baby. I know I'd score pretty high on it right now but also know I feel better on the rare night that I get a bit more sleep. It's so hard when you have another one at home though because you can't even rest in the day.

Having nightmare day with DS2. Have been working really hard getting him to settle in his cot but it's all gone completely wrong today so I know I'm in for an awful night tonight.

Today has been my worst day so far.

OP posts:

MintSource · 05/09/2014 16:23

Hello All
I'm two weeks in and took a lot of comfort from your posts.

I asked (dry, fed, burped but still crying) DS this morning 'what is it? Please tell me?'. So clearly I am losing it.

moomin35 · 05/09/2014 18:35

Hi holly rose can I ask why you're getting him to sleep specifically in his cot in the day? How old is he?

Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 18:47

Moomin: He's a month old. I have an older DS plus a DSD so I like to have him in his cot for naps so a) he gets a good sleep without being disturbed, b) so I can give the other 2 attention and c) from experience I've learnt that if you get them napping in their cot they get more comfortable sleeping in it which aids them at night. DS2 now settles quite well at bedtime. I like him to have one main big nap in the cot but he has his other naps wherever suits him or me, buggy, bouncer etc

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Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 18:53

Mint: Have you tried patting his bottom? Sounds silly but some babies find it really soothing. It works well for me. DS2 likes quite a fast firm patting rhythm I find it also helps to settle him at bedtime and in the night.

OP posts:

MintSource · 05/09/2014 19:59

Thanks Holly. I've heard it mimics the heartbeat they felt on their bottom in the womb (assuming the were not breech). Will try more rhythm!

Original poster

HollyRose6 · 05/09/2014 20:22

Mint: I was really surprised at how well it works with DS2 I've been using the Shush Pat technique to help him learn to self settle at bedtime and naps and it has been helping and you don't have to leave them to cry. DP even managed to resettle him at 2am the other day and he slept for another 2hrs, but it seems only DP can do this as it didn't work for me last night

OP posts:

BazilGin · 07/09/2014 03:29

I recently started an even more desperate post, I think DS2 must have been about 4 weeks old tyen. I was really anxious and upset how it changed my relationship with DD1 who is 3 yrs old and in tears every day.
Now DS is 3 months old, it is much easier. He is still very gassy and not settling well for naps (but I am wearing him in close caboo, which is a godsend, as he hates his pram). I am bfing and on a dairy free diet because his colic and trapped gas were so bad. We had screamathones every evening pretty much every day, despite massage, infacol, gripe water, leg cycling etc. It is now much better.
I actually managed to put both of them to bed for the 1st time yesterday without DH! It does get easier so hang in there!
I lowered my expectations towards housework, dinners and entertaining DD1. We go out every morning, even if it's only to the park or shops-it is stressful but helps to keep whatever is left of my sanity. I try to have my changing bag packed and ready the night before, but it still takes us ages to leave the house. Afternons involve quite a lot cbeebies, I must admit but it's not going to kill DD in the long run....
It is much tougher OP, but now that DS is so much more aware of the world around him and interacting more with DD, I am getting glimpses of their future relationship and I think it's going to be worth it.

MintSource · 07/09/2014 07:45

That's such a great post, Bazil. Light at the end of the tunnel!

I don't have another child to look after (you have my admiration) but it's so reassuring to be reminded to relax about housework, cooking etc. I have been silly in the amount of self-imposed pressure I have set up when none of it is the end of the world.

I think doing a few things like a wash and cooking a meal made me feel 'back to normal' but I need to accept there is a different sort of normal now!

PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears · 07/09/2014 07:51

Oh yes, accept and embrace that there is a 'new' normal now, the longer you fight it the harder it is! My bathroom gets a wipe over with a baby wipe whilst dc are in the bath, and I chuck some bleach down the toilet.. Job done. I don't have time for both of my children to be otherwise engaged whilst I do it, occasionally dp will give it a 'deep clean' this means cleaning it like a normal person but it works for us. And that's the mentality, if it works for you and it gets a job done then it's a success.
Dp did the 'nightshift' with dc last night, I feel a little more human now.
Hope everyone else is feeling ready for the day?

BazilGin · 07/09/2014 17:41

Mint, I recommend reading "What mothers do, especially if it looks like nothing". It really helped me get rid of feeling guilty about not doing so much around the house and about holding DD1 when she was napping etc.

This time round, I don't worry at all about where DS2 is sleeping, about a lack of routine (although now at 3 months he is becoming more predictable). I did feel awfully guilty about not having enough time for DD1, but we are both getting used to it now.
It feels so relentless and I remember whenever anyone said to me about DD1 as a baby :'enjoy it when they are little, it doesn't last' that they must be mad! It's hard to enjoy sleepless nights and the intensity of their needs. But now DD is 3 she is so much more independent I try to cherish DS's babyhood more. (Only now, first 3 months were a nightmare!!)

BazilGin · 07/09/2014 17:44

Pink, I have the same bathroom cleaning routine, lol! Babywipes are so versatile

Bedsheets4knickers · 07/09/2014 18:07

Just to cheer you guys up, I have a 4 year old and 22 month old. Our house is so much fun now it's totally worth the tiredness when you see them playing together . Keep strong ladies it gets so much easier real quick x

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