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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 yr old at dinner table - can't sit still

10 replies

poppynic · 22/09/2006 13:47

Hi our ds (4 in August) was in a high chair until recently - we didn't have a table and everyone was happy with the arrangement. Now we have a table and no high chair. He just doesn't seem able to sit still to eat his dinner. Keeps getting off his chair and jiggling and wriggling - very happily. It's driving dp crazy and mealtimes are becoming a bit dreadful. We have just instituted a dreaded star chart (first one as I'm not a chart/record-keeping person). I'm hoping I won't have to keep ds and dp separated at dinnertime... Any ideas or thoughts please.

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Blu · 22/09/2006 13:52

DS responded well to a star chart for this same problem. He got a star if he stayed seated eating nicely until he had finished.

Depending on how you feel, and the personality of your DS, you could also instigate 'if he gets up, he doesn't get to sit back down and finish his dinner / pudding'.

We didn't need to do that with DS, and I wouldn't have done it because I wouldn't have been able to see the subsequent hungry hours through, and you would have to be firm and determined about that!

Blu · 22/09/2006 13:54

And I did the treat at the end of the day on a daily basis, so that he got a quick win demonstration of the benefits of getting a star. i think a week can be a long way off to think about for a 4 year old, especially if you are using a chart for the first time. But i did do it every meal time without fail for a week - don't dip in and out of using the chart.

madmarchhare · 22/09/2006 13:57

It must feel strange to him if he's never really done it before. Your DP carping on probably doesnt help either. Start chart should do it though. I imagine its like most problems, consistancy and patience required (from all).

Original poster

poppynic · 22/09/2006 13:57

Thanks Blu - how long did it take for him to settle down? I couldn't use the "if you get up you can't come back" routine as he doesn't care at all about eating. The other day he said for a special treat we could not have dinner! However, he is quite happy to eat if I spoon it into him. That doesn't worry me but riles dp - what do you think - is 4 too old to be spoon fed. (He's quite happy to eat himself at breakfast and lunch).

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Blu · 22/09/2006 14:16

He sounds exactly like my DS, who also has no or little interest in food - certainly can't be bribed with pudding (not good practice anyway, imho), will only eat a few from a packet of buttons, etc etc.

I used to put far too much effort into persuading him to eat, including the odd outbreak of spoon-feeding when he was 4 (he's now 5) then I must stopped it, AND did the star chart, which worked in a week. I jusat said 'sit nicely please' but very firmly and 'you won't get a star' threateningly if he started to move'. Lots of talking to him, lots of involving him in the meal - get him to pass things to other people, start and encourage him to be very self-sufficient, make sure he has cutlery he can manage - good small cutlery, not plastic which is hard for them to manage, (again imho) - maybe take him out to buy some medium size cutlery that he likes?
DS is now SO much better - it will work. But yes, get a handle on your dp - maybe he should have a 'no carping' star chart!

Sunnysideup · 22/09/2006 14:40

can you put him in a booster seat? My ds like his as it makes them feel much taller at the table, there's also a little strap which does make them feel a little more 'contained' in one place. It's a more gentle step from high chair to booster, than straight to an ordinary chair.

Give him loads and loads of attention at meal time so that being at the table is interesting to him....

I do feel for you though, as a child who is not fussed about food is a difficult customer at the dinner table!

Sunnysideup · 22/09/2006 14:41

oops meant to say my ds 'liked' his!

Original poster

poppynic · 22/09/2006 15:05

Thanks - will try the booster seat and trip to buy cutlery. Lol at "no carping" chart - would love to do it. We are actually all on the star chart at ds's insistence. We started with eat all your tea without getting up for 1 star. Then I instituted a star for eating his tea and another star for eating it without getting up. (Way too soft in dp's opinion but he has decided he (dp) also needs two stars!!)

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Original poster

poppynic · 22/09/2006 15:08

The loads of attention thing is a bit problematic because each time we talk to him he gets onto a looonnnnggggg thread of this, that and the next thing and it's all a good excuse for entertainment rather than dinner....

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Original poster

poppynic · 25/09/2006 10:21

Thanks guys, the booster seat worked a treat, ds has now earned 9 stars, and a special mention from uncle about his wonderful lunchtime behaviour at big family lunch!

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