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Toddler becoming aggressive. Should I wean her?

2 replies

Polyethyl · 04/09/2014 09:33

My 19mo DD is a boob monster. Over the last few months her demands for Tit! have been shoutier, more demanding and insistent. Attempts to offer a bottle of cows milk result in thrashing tantrums. At 4am her willpower is greater than mine, so shes learning that shrieking and thrashing about gets her what she wants.

My mother, husband and childminder have been asking me to wean her for some months. But until today Ive been reluctant to do so, because on the occasions shes been unwell (just normal colds and bugs) she becomes absolutely reliant on my milk. But the childminder has been commenting that when my DD gets frustrated or needs comforting she can work herself up into a frenzy, and can become quite aggressive, picking up whatevers to hand to use as a weapon. (She said she occasionally has needed Ninja speed to intervene when DD has become frustrated with a playfellow.)

This morning I was the target. She fed at 4am, and again at 6am. Once she finished feeding she wanted to stay latched on, whilst playing, wriggling, poking me and pulling my hair, hassling me to play with her, whilst she was still latched on. I wanted to go back to sleep so I turned over in bed and went back to sleep. DD toddled off, got her plastic footstool, carried it into the bedroom and smacked me hard over the head with it. That made me wake up!

On hearing this the childminder tried hard to suppress her I told you so body language, whilst politely suggesting that perhaps I might now consider weaning her. My husband and childminder are in agreement that I am the cause of DDs worsening behaviour. So what do I do now? Is weaning really the answer? How do I get DD to accept a bottle of milk instead of me? How do I cope with her howls of betrayed anguish when I refuse her?

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Goldmandra · 04/09/2014 09:42

I can't see the link between the aggression and the BFing. Clearly hitting people and using weapons is unacceptable but the fact that he milk comes from your breast rather than a cup or bottle isn't going to cause it Confused

You need to separate the two issues. If you want to stop BFing that's fine but it isn't going to make her any more able to manage her feelings of anger without lashing out.

MsBug · 04/09/2014 10:36

I think the two issues are unrelated so i would try to deal with them separately.

I've read a couple of books recently with lots of tips about dealing with toddler tantrums - toddler calm by Sarah something, and the happiest toddler on the block by Harvey karp.

i wouldn't be in a hurry to wean, as if you are going to take steps to deal with the tantrums then you don't want to bring in too many changes at the same time.

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