DS's friend (3) hitting him all the time

[AveryJessup]

One of my friends has a son the same age as mine (just turning 3 next month) and since we met, they've been good friends and played well together. They seem to be on the same wavelength and are interested in the same things, even at this young age.

My friend's son has developed a habit of hitting and roughhousing, however, that I'm not sure how to handle. He seems to mainly target my son as I've never seen him be so rough with anyone else. He will smack him around the head, push him and knock him down. Just the other day we met up at a soft play and he ran into my son knocking him over, jumped on him in the ball pit, pushed him down and sat on his head, jabbed him in the face etc. My friend took him for a time out a couple of times and made him apologize to my son, so she is trying to handle his behavior but I'm not sure what to do myself.

I encourage my son to use words to assert himself and he does this pretty well 'Don't push me!' or 'No, you can't do that' and so on. He never hits back and I don't want him to but equally I think it can't be good for him to have a friend treat him like this.

Is it OK to just keep on teaching him to say 'No, stop' and use his words to assert himself? Is this something my friend's son is likely to grow out of? He's just a toddler so I'm assuming it's not nastiness driving his behavior but just lack of verbal skills. It's still hard though because it's making me nervous around him and worried for my son's self esteem. If it was an older child I would probably cool off on the playdates but at this age I'm hoping he'll grow out of it.

Well it's ok to a point but if the child won't stop, I don't think it's good to repeatedly expose your son to this boy. He's not a "friend" in reality because they are 3 and at this age, children don't choose friends...they play with whom they are exposed to through their parents.

I have a similar problem with my DS and his little buddy. They are 2.5 and 'friends' since birth. The friend has been going through a hitting stage for about a year now.

DS would get hit, pushed, his hair pulled, smacked in the face and screamed at. I've tried being all 'oh it just a phase' about it and obviously DS isn't a model child either but ultimately DS is scared of him. I notice he won't walk passed him in the hallway as he's frightened he'll get hit and the relationship has become really unbalanced.

It's not the example I want to set for him, so I've reduced contact a lot.

That's how I feel too - I'm not comfortable with exposing him to the aggression as none of his other playdate pals are like this. On the other hand, he isn't scared to stand up for himself and he doesn't seem to get upset by it. He is always excited to see this friend too and happily runs over to greet him when we meet up.

That's what's confusing me! In an older child, I would reduce contact but DS really doesn't seem bothered by it. It's more my problem in that I don't want him picking up aggressive habits or thinking it's OK for friends to hit him.

Hi. I would really not be continuing regular play dates with this going on. It gives your DS a really bad model for what a friend is and how your DS should respond to that. it depends a bit on your relationship with the other DC's parents whether you feel able to be open about why you need to not meet up together with the kids for a bit. But why not take your DS out of the regular play date pattern for a bit and see if anything changes. In a similar situation I found a huge change in my DC's overall level of calm and happiness once not exposed to a DC who hit and pushed. Good luck.

It's the same here Avery outwardly they are the best of buddies. They both are really excited to see each other, run up and hug - it's very sweet actually but play dates are a bit of a nightmare. There's always pushing, hitting and tears. DS is pretty much (although not always) on the receiving end.

I've realised it's just not fun FYSWIM. It's doesn't happen with other kids and I've accepted that at the moment, they just don't play well together. Ultimately it's not the friendship model I want DS to have. It's also started causing tension with my friend which is a shame.