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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

AllieBongo's DD is savage. Please help

19 replies

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 20:31

Title says it all. She has the temper of all tempers. A tantrum can last up to 30 mins. She cannot be distracted. She then lobs things, or grabs the face of the nearest child as she's so cross. In the playground on the school run, she constantly pinches the other kids (face rakes again) and is generally very willfull, stroppy and violent. I am at the end of my tether. She is 20 months. Today she copped the nark whilst at playgroup, and when I told her no for throwing something, she pinched and scratched the face of an innocent little girl standing near her (who was waiting in her best dress to have her photograph taken, now sporting a big red welt.) I picked dd up, told her she was naughty and apologised profusely before scuttling home to sob with emabarassment. This is long, rambling and random but i need a rant. Suggestions please lovely friends?

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Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:23

no ideas then?

OP posts:

WelshBoris · 21/09/2006 21:24

I dont know chick but please dont smack her like those wankers on TV

WishICouldGiveUpWork · 21/09/2006 21:26

No child raisng expert here I am afraid but dd personally would try to remove from any situation adn make it boring for her......sorry not much help at all I am fraid but I do feel for you.

Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:29

boris i never would mate. she would lump me back Thanks wish, i think we'll be spending lots of time at home

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Mercy · 21/09/2006 21:33

Allie, have you noticed any triggers for her tantrums? dd needed a 5 minute 'warning' before we were about to leave the park, toddler group, the bath etc. Hunger and tiredness can also be a factor.

Distraction ad nauseam can work too. It's not easy but you will learn to anticipate her next move and deal with it/remove her/take her hone etc.

btw,a 30 minute tantrum is nothing!

Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:35

thanks mercy. my ds never did tantrums so i'm not used to it. she doesn't like being told no, but they seem to come from no where and escalate. She's too young to reason with, and bastard people just stare and tut. I fucking hate them (sorry but it makes me so angry)

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hermykne · 21/09/2006 21:37

aaliebongo - are they sporadic or at the same times in the day wherever you are,
at home as well as out and about ?
no real ideas just trying to localisewhere it happens and when then maybe you might be able ot anticpate and have an escape route

Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:39

everywhere and anywhere i'm afraid. health visitor told me to time out/naughty step, but i thought she was too young?

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hermykne · 21/09/2006 21:40

well my ds got a bit of that when he was 20mths as he was copying dd and he understood exactly why he got timeout - albeit for literally 10/20 secs, didnt do the min per year of age.

Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:42

i'll try it then. we are going on holiday with my sis and her kids on sunday. i'm dreading it

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Mercy · 21/09/2006 21:43

Sod other people!

Is there any kind of pattern though, can you see anything that may start her off?

dd sometimes had tantrums for no particular reason. I would just pick her up (easier said than done), put her in a different room (but where I could see her) and wait until she'd exhausted herseslf. She would often then come to me for a hug.

ds doesn't has limited comprehension at 2.5 so I know it's hard.

IT'S JUST A PHASE- aaaaaarrrggggggh!

Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:45

ta mercy. I feel so sad as i'm constantly apologising and saying she's mean etc. I'm so tired and ds winds her up etc I just look at her little face and she looks so sweet, until the claws come out

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Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 21:59

anyone else?

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SecondhandRose · 21/09/2006 22:03

Reins? Pushchair? Take her home as soon as she starts? Praise her when she is good and give her a choccie button (I know but bribery and corruption sometimes work).

Naughty behaviour gets mummy's attention, good behaviour means mummy talks to the other mummies and drinks tea. I was once told that children want your attention and don't care if it is good or bad attention.

FrannyandZooey · 21/09/2006 22:07

Allie I am just off to bed but a few quick ideas in the hope one might help even a little

I think biting and scratching is a reaction to stress and I think the stress is usually being caused by being in a big group of children when they are a bit young to really cope with it IYSWIM. I would avoid the group thing as much as you can till she grows up a bit, just socialise in small groups

The other thing I thought was does she have much speech? Not many do at this age - have you ever thought of signing with her? Can help with frustration as they can communicate more easily and it also does help with speech acquisition. I found when ds started being able to communicate better a lot of tantrums were avoided

I feel dreadfully sad for you and her. It's the pits when you feel ashamed of your child in front of others like this. It tears you up inside because you feel such love for them and also so angry / sad / embarrassed...am rambling but you know what I mean :-(

Original poster

AllieBongo · 21/09/2006 22:07

good plan. She has broken the strap on her pushchair and she tends to swing from reins but i do use them for her safety. Food is good bribery for her though...

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SecondhandRose · 22/09/2006 07:45

How is her behaviour when she is with one or two other children, does she cope better then?

I think every time she is violent you need to pick her up and sit her next to you (she'll scream and shout obviously) for a few minutes, stop her from playing and that may help.

As for tantrums when there's the two of you just ignore her. In our house we call it terrier mode, they get their teeth into something and scream and shout and half the time they can't remember why by the time it's finished. Go into the kitchen and eat chocolate and sing.

aaronsmummy · 22/09/2006 07:55

Definately think speech may have something to do with it ds2 has asd and speech delay and you can see this lead to a lot of his tantrums.

How is her sleeping, this could also be a factor if it is poor.

kjaysmum · 22/09/2006 09:32

I too have dealing with tantrums from my ds 2.4 (sometimes an hour long) and it seems they get far worse when I am stressed, maybe just something between me and my ds but (sorry about this but it's true) I've started doing yoga and I am dealing much better with his tantrums now they are having less impact therefore he's starting to give up on them. Cut her nails really short and keep cutting them, sounds obvious but it helped me. Good luck (smile)

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