Nursery thinks my 3 yo is developmentally delayed.

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Heya, just wanting a bit of advice/reassurance/slap if this is my fault.

My ds turned 3 the end of July and started nursery a couple weeks ago. He always complains of his legs being sore if we go out and he has to walk longer than 10 minutes so he is still occasionally in a buggy for long journeys (he sits on the ground holding his legs and crying his eyes out that they hurt, not a tantrum but genuine hysterical tears). The nursery have told me he walks like a baby (he doesn't climb stairs very well as up until recently we've lived in a ground floor flat and not had to deal with stairs. He puts one foot on the stair and brings the other up to same stair etc, and he kinda scuffs his feet when he walks and walks slowly). However he does run fine, and given the chance he would run everywhere.

He also doesn't talk clearly, I can understand him but others do have trouble with it sometimes too. Despite my best efforts to encourage him to talk clearly he's really shy around others so doesn't say much and barely opens his mouth at nursery.

Basically I am now worried about his development when before I never noticed anything wrong with him and I feel like the nursery are saying it's my fault. I've a 4 yo dd who has perfect speech, walks with no problems at all and is incredibly bright. They taught her for a few weeks before the summer and she started school this August so it's not like they don't know she's not delayed. I talk to them both a lot, encourage them to play outside and be active and for the most part they are healthy happy kids.

I've now made an appointment with the doctor on Monday to see if his walking is delayed and there's a speech and language therapy open day on the 25th of sept that I have to take him too as well.

Am I worrying for nothing or does he sound abnormal for his age? And is this my own fault and something I've done wrong? Not sure if this is relevant but he's also very small for his age.

my ds is 7 and still climbs the stairs the way you described. He gets very tired when walking and would sit on the floor refusing to walk any further. He has hypermobility of the joints and low muscle tone so walking is painful for him.
have you noticed if your ds is very bendy/flexible?
The GP might refer your Ds to the Occupational Therapist who can give him some exercises to do at home.
But I think 3 is still quite little to walk long distances.

Regarding the Speech and language therapy either the HV or GP can refer you and I think you can even self refer.

I think he's pretty flexible, he does seem to be a bit stiff when doing things with his legs though. He can put his head on the ground and keep his legs on the ground too but seems to have issues lifting one leg up by itself. He jumps no problem (with two feet) though he is off balance a lot. He can't climb up on beds properly but he can run and walk (though he scuff his feet a lot when he walks and it seems a bit jaunty and quite slow iyswim?)

He'll be seeing gp this Monday coming and the speech and language therapist later this month on their open day thing, if they pick up any problems with his speech then they take him straight on board the hv has said.

Just a bit worried about it all, I never considered any of this abnormal before he started nursery and now I feel guilty in case there is something wrong with him and I've not picked it up.

My ds1always complained his leg hurt. I took him to the doctor but it took nearly 2 years before someone took us seriously. He was diagnosed with perthes disease which in the end was picked up 'by accident' if you like. He made a full recovery btw so if something is picked up there will probably be some way of treatment.
Has he always been stiff in the legs?
Fwiw my 7yo still does the stairs that way. He just prefers it which is fine.
Goodluck

Do you have any history of muscular dystrophy in your family? I have a friend whose ds was recently diagnosed with this and it was the stairs thing that prompted them to take him to the GP too. I think this is rare but I would see the GP and they can do blood tests to rule out.

You are not at fault in any way here, OP. You aren't given a degree in child developmental issues when you give birth. Your little boy sounds lovely and you have made reasonable assumptions, I think. That said, what possible harm could come from getting a second look? The nursery might be onto something or they might just be interpreting his shyness - which I assume means he might not be as physically bouncy while he's there - as something else.

He's always been the same way he is in regards to walking etc, he's slow and prefers to just sit or be carried. I tend not to give in to him low unless I can see he's genuinely struggling, it always seems much worse at the end of the afternoon rather than in the morning. He walks to nursery (15 minute walk) most of the way but after about 10 minutes will start complaining his legs are sore, then the nursery will tell me he's not been joining in with the activities they were doing in the gym hall, and on the way home he gets about five minutes into walking before the full on hysterical crying starts.

I've noticed at home the past few days that he doesn't actually walk in the house that much. He'll sit in one room and do something, run to another room and sit doing something else, run back to the first room and sit doing that too so he's not actually getting up and playing. And when we get back from nursery he refuses to get off the sofa completely until dinner then it's straight back on the sofa and not moving til bed time. He's not watching tv the whole time either (tv stays off until after dinner as dd has homework/they're supposed to tidy their toys etc) and he goes to bed at 7 so is only really watching tv for about half an hour

You sounded happy before nursery spoke to you- you know your child and if they are only a few weeks in May yet to see lots that he can do.

Lots of 3yr olds do stairs as you describe as don't walk far. Absolutely get checked out but unclear speech and wonky walking are within normal for lots of us.

Early intervention is great if there is a problem but leave it to professionals to diagnose. A new nursery isn't well placed to do this. You werent worried before and there is no reason to doubt your instincts on this.

There's a history of Ms in my family but not directly linked to me (though I was tested for it), but I'll definitely ask them to check for that too then.

He's definitely not as bouncy and he tends to keep to himself, he will play along side the other children but doesn't speak to them, I assumed that was normal for his age though?

Do mention the ms and see if they will test for it. I can't remember what nine were doing in terms of playing with or alongside at 3

DS (4) complained a lot of sore legs, and I put it down to various things before I noticed it was getting worse. Like Tambaboy's DS, the GP said he was hypermobile. I felt awful that I hadn't noticed before, but it's only when it reaches a point/someone points something out that you notice there might be something wrong. I just thought it was normal.

It isn't your fault - you think there may be a problem, so you're taking him to the doctor. That's exactly what a good parent does :)

It might be helpful to write a list of what you've noticed/your concerns. When I realised that DS's leg pains and tiredness might be something, I made a note of when they happened, and asked him to show me where the pain was. It turned out the pain was mostly behind his knees, and happened when he stood up. From there, the GP (who coincidently is hypermobile with hypermobile DC) was able to make a diagnosis.

Please don't give yourself a hard time.

I think your doing the right thing going to the gp about the leg pain I would try and insist on a blood test... I looked after a boy who was 3 who complained of leg pain and fell over... It turned out he was vitamin d deficient... Once he started treatment he rapidly improved.

@Browneyesblue that's exactly where my boy is telling me where the pain in his legs are (that and at the top of his knees too). He doesn't seem in any pain when standing though, only when walking a bit, but I've not actually asked him if he's sore at other times so might be worth checking more

I know it's a long shot that it's the same, but when DS saw the GP she got him to bend in lots of different ways. I assumed that all children were pretty bendy, and hadn't realised that he was unusually flexible. I had a look online at the time, and there were lots of checklists for hypermobility that I could see the GP had followed, eg she asked him to touch the floor, and he did, but he didn't bend his knees and he automatically put his hands flat on the floor like this. I have since realised (because I can do the same), that some of my joints bend further than the normal range.

His pains occur mostly when he stands up and his legs are extended past the normal range of motion - the GP said he needs to learn to make sure his legs are in the right position. He tires quickly because he has to work harder to keep his joints stable.

Whatever the problem is with your DS is, you are actively looking for ways to help him. That makes you the best kind of parent in my opinion :)

Could he have muscle weakness or low muscle tone? Is his speech just unclear? Does he use sufficiently complicated sentences for his age? If he's doing everything else (understanding language, doing puzzles, jumping etc) normally I wouldn't imagine it's a developmental issue (although obviously check with your doctor). If he's nervous at nursery that may affect the way he behaves and make the problems seem much worse than they are. Check with your doctor for muscle strength and development but don't worry too much if you can help it!