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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Which twin should I read the riot act to in this situation? Either? Neither? Both?

37 replies

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 10:27

Twin X is sitting peacefully on his own reading or playing, enjoying a rare moment of his own company

Twin Y launches himself at X in a playfully intended wrestling move

Twin X, furious at being interrupted, punches and pinches Y as hard as he can leaving a really nasty bruise.

How do I sort this out? Happened for 2nd time this morning. Don't know what to do- both times twin Y has been so very upset because in pain at X's attack that I haven't really addressed his role in provoking the scenario at all. Feel like I can't say "What did you expect, Y?" because that would seem to justify really nasty reaction from X. But have real sympathy at X's outrage in some ways- everyone needs a bit of time to themselves, twins more than most probably. Please advise, oh wise ones.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

daisy1999 · 21/09/2006 10:34

run and hide, sit in the bathroom with your fingers in your ears singing lalalalalal
how old are they?

flashingnose · 21/09/2006 10:35

Where was Twin X? I haven't got twins but I tell mine if they want uninterrupted time to themselves, to go in their rooms (for dd1 who shares with dd2, I tell her to let me know so I can keep an eye on dd2). It doesn't happen very often but I think everyone needs their own space sometimes and siblings have to respect that. However, if they set up a game or sit with a book in the kitchen or living room, it's up to them to defend themselves!

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 10:37

Good plan, Daisy! They're 7 and a half, btw.

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FlameSparrow · 21/09/2006 10:37

Fingers in ears sounds good.

I think probably both though - we normally get the whole "You are hurt because you shouldn't have launched at him, but You shouldn't have attacked him for launching at you"

TheRealCam · 21/09/2006 10:39

When I was a child I used to want my big bro's attention and interrupt him sometimes. He used to occasionally give me "dead arm" in response.
When I went whingeing to my mother she would say: "Well leave him alone when he's doing something". Then she would say to big bro "Don't hit Cam".

Both of us carried on this little "interaction" for a certain period of time and then just grew out of it.

Think I'm trying to say its pretty normal behaviour for sibs and you just have to be a sort of neutral umpire so that both parties feel equally vindicated/treated unfairly

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 10:39

Today twin X was in the living room sitting reading on the sofa, flashingnose. Twin Y was supposed to be getting dressed in his room.

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SoupDragon · 21/09/2006 10:39

What FlameSparrow said. That's what I do with DSs (5 & 7) when they clash in a similar manner.

In fact, I hear them cry and repeatedly shout "I'm not interested! You're both as bad as each other" and carry on with what I'm doing.

ishouldbedoingtheironing · 21/09/2006 10:39

It must be twin day! I have just posted about my 2 and they are 11.
I would ignore as I have found that whenever I get ivolved in situations like this I make it worse!!
I have now got to the stage when I have found myself saying " Go on kill yourselves then - see if I care"
But the I am probably not a very good role model.

ps I used to separate mine a lot ie separate rooms for 10 mins

daisy1999 · 21/09/2006 10:40

same as flamesparrow I would sit down with both of them an explain how they were both wrong. Try to agree with them a system for having time on their own - a quiet corner/room or similar.

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 10:41

That sounds like the right way to deal with it, Cam. I think I'm getting sidetracked/shocked by X's propensity for violence so he is (maybe unfairly) bearing the brunt of my wrath!

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ginmummy · 21/09/2006 10:41

Read the riot act to them both.

When my sister and me were little we used to fight like cat and dog and our dad used to literally bang our heads together! Don't think that suggestion would go down well on MN though...

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 10:43

Hmm- so I shouldn't even look at injuries sustained?

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TheRealCam · 21/09/2006 10:43

Out of interest which twin is the "eldest" X or Y?

Bink · 21/09/2006 10:43

Riot act: X. The "however cross you are it is never OK to hurt someone on purpose" speech. Followed by you promising X to help protect his private time - ie, that you will step in at once if X asks you to make Y leave him alone. If he's deep in his book he won't be noticing Y's more gentle overtures to want to be played with - hence the escalation, perhaps.

Serious quiet private word: Y - trickier one, this. Presumably Y is someone who needs/likes more interaction than X does, and learning to "leave other people in peace if they look happy on their own" is a much subtler and harder lesson to learn than "not hurting on purpose". It might take a while to understand, and also need you to help Y develop his own private resources.

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 10:46

separate rooms sounds good, isbdti. You're right, ginmummy- I am too wuzzy to bang heads together, I'm afraid! Soups- that is my usual strategy- it's just the bruised flesh of a weeping boy that is preventing me from doing that...

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flashingnose · 21/09/2006 10:51

Agree with Bink.

sandyballs · 21/09/2006 10:54

God this sounds so familiar. My girls are 5 and like chalk and cheese. One loves to take herself off to her room and draw and potter about quietly, the other is a mad whirlwhind of a girl who can't spend more than 10 seconds alone, and goes out of her way to provoke her sister into a wrestle or a bit of aggro.

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 11:01

Bink- that sounds like a brilliant plan. Kind of building on Flamesparrow's and Cam's most excellent advice but taking account of the unnecessary intensity of X's attack. You are a genius! Thank you so much. It is actually generally Y who finds it much easier to become absorbed in an activity, surprisingly. Until very recently X's concentration span was quite flealike in some ways so i'm enjoying seeing him starting to do his own thing a bit more... Maybe his twin is not? Or maybe it's just a good way not to get dressed quick smart as his nagging moither had been urging for a good 5 mins before this incident. Thanks for the advice everyone. fell much better.

X is the 1st born twin btw, Cam. So in Europe he's the "eldest" but apparently in parts of Africa he'd be seen as the junior twin because it is considered that the 2nd born uses his senority to order his twin out before him to see if the world is ready for him!

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Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 11:01

feel much better, even

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daisy1999 · 21/09/2006 11:12

People are always asking me which one of my twins is the oldest and they expect the first to pop out to be the biggest and they are suprised when they are not - [confused emotion]

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 12:16

My 1st born is the smaller too, daisy.

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CalifornifamousFanjo · 21/09/2006 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfYaffle · 21/09/2006 16:57

I'm not a twin!

CalifornifamousFanjo · 21/09/2006 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ScummyMummy · 21/09/2006 18:04

How dare you take the piss out of my children's names, californiafrau? We think Xavier and Yaffle are beautiful names and we don't need your hurtful comments. I have reported your post to Mumsnet headquarters.

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