DD is 11. I am divorced from her father (after 10 years together), due to give birth any day and regrettably recently separated from baby's father (after 6 years together).
DD has developed numerous panics over the last year, possibly due to the upcoming transition to secondary school, onset of puberty (they had "the video" which freaked her out as she firstly didn't want her body to change and has then obsessed over every tiny detail of it).
She has always been afraid of the dark and has nightmares. Is afraid of dogs, spiders, monsters, and probably more things that slip my mind right now. Says our house is too big and this also frightens her (we have been living here 8 months, it is a 3 bed semi, not a mansion), she also worries about her weight (feels "fat" despite being underweight) and "worries about worrying".
These worries mainly manifest at bedtime and can result in panic attacks.
She had one tonight. We went to bed at 9 and she spent ages searching her room for spiders. Found one (harvest, skinny leg type) on the ceiling, so I had to stand on her bed and remove it before she would get in.
I tried to settle her and put on her relaxation cd and set her nightlight to go down, after removing the hamster wheels from the cages (she said she would feel better with pets in her room, but now the sound of the wheels at night scares her!)
She was panicky and freaking out about me turning the light off (says she has been sleeping with it on at her dad's) after the spider scare, so after trying to explain the light would stop her sleeping properly and getting nowhere with that, I let her keep the light on and went to bed.
She woke me up at midnight saying she felt sick, so I took her back to her room and tried to settle her. As the worst luck would have it, as she lay down I saw an enormous fat spider crawling along the top of her pillow, so told her to lie still and close her eyes while I removed it. I also have spider phobia but don't make a fuss as don't want to make her worse.
She then became hysterical, threw all the covers and pillows off the bed and says she cannot and will not sleep, kept crying and saying she was scared. After some time trying to unsuccessfully calm her, suggesting relaxation or distraction techniques (all of which she said no to even trying) and explain again that she needs the light off to sleep I started to get really frustrated and cross with her. She wants to sleep in my bed with me, but there is not enough room and she would keep me awake, plus I don't think it's a healthy habit to start at age 11.
I am exhausted and in constant discomfort due to baby and really need to sleep, plus at my wits end about how to help her. I just had to leave the room in the end. I don't know how to help her (she has been on a waiting list for CBT for the last 2 months with CYPS but no appointment come through) and I feel awful at getting cross with her, but nothing I can think of seems to help. She is supposed to be doing a summer school to get her used to the new secondary school and was fine when she went in today, but if she is awake all night with the light on she will be exhausted in the morning and has already said she won't go because she'll be too tired. She also refused to attend on some of their induction days in the summer term, so I am worried next week I will have a new baby and a child who refuses to attend school to deal with.
Any suggestions? I can't sleep now either, so thought I'd try on here if only to get it out of my system. I feel the situation is hopeless with her, I just don't know what to do.
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Behaviour/development
At my wits end with dd panic attacks/phobias
30 replies
MavisDavis99 · 27/08/2014 00:50
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