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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

how do u teach a 7 month old the poiletness/niceties etc?

67 replies

munz · 20/09/2006 08:37

(think that's the right phrases)

anyhow the boy likes to slap down on things (ie his toys) also scratches, and pinches (althou granted not as much as when he first started at 6 months), now he's crawling about, he's after things he shouldn''t have - ie the sky box/phone line. also yesterday noticed he was trying to grab anopther lo's toy at the P&T group (I moved him away and said no it's not his toy) he wasn't being horrid, he just appears very inquisitive - I guess as everything's new there.

I took some of his toys and he was sharing those with the other babies there.

so far we've been moving him away from theings we don't want him to have and saying no play with this and giving him something of his to play with - althou 95% of the time he'll turnstaright back and go after the 'forbidden thing' and for the scratching/pinching we've been doing the whole 'aww you hurt mummy, no' and scrunching his hand a little (not enough to hurt him but enough to know it's not nice iycwim)

anything else I can do? is this just a stage they pass thru? I know i'm a worry wort, but after watching the super nanny I want to nip any such behaviour in the bud!

OP posts:

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SoupDragon · 20/09/2006 11:17

I stick to single words like "No" or "Gentle" because they do understand words before they can speak (hence the rise in popularity of baby signing). Not sure from which age but I do it anyway because it makes it look like I'm "parenting"

staceym11 · 20/09/2006 11:27

i started disciplining dd at 9 month when she started crawling, but only in as much as moving her away from things and saying 'no' if she kept doing it she had to sit on my lap for a little while (prob about 30 seconds) but it worked, now at nearly 2 she is a very well behaved little girl (most of the time) and when shes being naughty she generally knows shes being naughty and will put herself behind the sofa (our naughty corner).

i dotn think its too early but there is no point in hurting him for hurting, it will teach him its ok, the only time iv tapped dd is to get her fingers away from plugs or a hot oven etc, when there is danger involved, when i know that no is not gunna move her quick enough.

just be constant with saying no adn moving away, very boring yes but it does work!

Bugsy2 · 20/09/2006 11:28

remove & distract. When it is something that hurts you then say "no" & put him down. Your body language will speak far more than your words at this stage.
If he is more feisty than others at the baby groups, just watch him like a hawk & remove him if you think he is about to launch an attack. Believe me by the time all these babies in baby group have reached 2.5 yrs old, you'll all be comparing tips!!!
I like Supernanny, but you don't ever see her disciplining babies.

saralou100 · 20/09/2006 11:33

ds is 19 months and i'm still trying to teach him these things!! agree with everyone so far to keep saying no and moving him away, it does work eventually.. they just move onto to something new when they realsie your not gonna let them play with all the other stuff... so ds is now, instead of throwing dvd's everywhere is throwing toys.. a slight improvement i feel at least he's throwing stuff he's allowed to play with

tribpot · 20/09/2006 11:42

Quite agree - his behaviour is quite normal and other than saying a firm no and distract, you have no chance of 'teaching' him niceties. When my and katz's little ones were this age they met and spent a happy hour just snatching toys off each other. Neither had any sense of 'this is mine', so they didn't object when the other nicked it, just nicked it back! (Ds is getting into a sense of 'mine mine mine' now, was yesterday very protectively hoarding an empty contact lens box, turning his back on me if I tried to take it! - he is 15 months).

You cannot 'supernanny' a 7 month old!

sebastiansmummy · 20/09/2006 11:43

Dear Munz,
Echoing the other mums: at 7 mos, he is way too young to be disciplined, but that doesn't mean he can't start to learn the meaning of "no" and that certain behaviour isn't appropriate. He'll learn the meaning of "no" from your tone and facial expression (so hard not to laugh most of the time though). I find the phrase "that's not for babies/eating/scratching" while taking the object away/distracting is helpfully consistent, and a nice break from the negativity of "no".

The best way to teach politeness and niceties is by example. Always treat and speak to child and DH nicely and respectfully. I'm afraid I'm an Adlerian at heart. Anyone else out there brought up this way?

If only the families on supernanny could learn to do speak to each other nicely and calmly. I swear that seems to be the problem the majority of time! The kids all behave like their parents - it's not their fault.

Enid · 20/09/2006 11:49

this is sad

dd3 is 5 months and the idea of 'disciplining' her, tbh even saying 'no' is bonkers

Enid · 20/09/2006 11:52

i agree about the speaking nicely to each other sebastiansmummy and agree aoubt the families on supernanny

I quite like Jo Frost she seems a nice person, but I HATE supernanny and the whole quick fix crap it peddles

ginmummy · 20/09/2006 11:57

The best way to teach politeness and manners is by example. Do it yourself and they'll follow your lead with most things.

Original poster

munz · 20/09/2006 11:58

hey hold on a minute here, I don't punish him at all.

and fyi, i've chilled about it all now, as during todays class another LO decided to scratch him eye - so i'm not so worried now as I know it's not him iycwim.

(somehting i'm sure his daddy will be proud of!

(I think saying no and moving him away as we have been doing is hte way forward then)

OP posts:

Original poster

munz · 20/09/2006 11:59

yes I do speak to DH nicely, and other children etc. DH is the same.

OP posts:

Enid · 20/09/2006 11:59

yes you probably have to say no and move him just to placate other mothers

my advice would be dont bother going to toddlers

Original poster

munz · 20/09/2006 12:00

ah yes did say no and take him asway - I think he likes pink!

(we both like toddlers so it would be a shame not to go)

OP posts:

sebastiansmummy · 20/09/2006 12:03

Didn't mean to imply you weren't nice to DH! I'm sure you are. Just as a matter of general principle (i.e., what CAN be done) since you can't "discipline" at this age...that's all!

staceym11 · 20/09/2006 12:05

all kids do something at toddlers liek that, at the one we went to a little boy bit another child, the mum was distraguht and didnt want to return, btu thats no use, she disciplined him and as far as i knwo he didnt do it again, they just need to be told no and removed, good luck!

Original poster

munz · 20/09/2006 12:12

it's a whole new world out there this toddlers thing- and I know i'm being paranoid and such. I just fear it's such a taboo thing for him to do that - u know sort of a he's the only one to do it type thing - oh I don't know! lol.

OP posts:

staceym11 · 20/09/2006 12:13

hes not the first and wont be the last, and generally as long as the parents see you do something about it, even if it is just remove him, they wont frown upon the fact it has happened, no children are perfect!

Mumpbump · 20/09/2006 12:24

Our 7 month old ds is exactly the same at the moment. Saying "no" works for a millisecond, but I think he forgets instantly and then carries on! He whacked another 7 month old in the face the other day much to my horror, but the other baby's mum has a toddler and was completely understanding about it! Definitely a phase; not sure at what age "no" really starts to mean something...

Mumpbump · 20/09/2006 12:27

PS - the reason I looked at this thread was in case there were some words of wisdom on how to deal with this behaviour... Very pleased to see that everyone agrees there is not!!

Original poster

munz · 20/09/2006 12:30

lol MB - no hopefully it's something that will pass.

when he's older (around 18 m -2 ish)I was hoping to work on the basis of when mummy/daddy say no they mean no, and giving him the 'stare' althou doubt it will work - if it doesn't we'll look at time outs. definatly don't want to go down the route of shouting/smacking him etc. works for some folks but personally not something I want to do.

also any ideas they recon for every neg u say 3 pos, when should u start with that? (as it is I do mor of the pos than the neg anyways)

OP posts:

staceym11 · 20/09/2006 12:37

munz my dd is 23 month now and she gtes timed out behind our sofa (we live in a flat so no naughty step for us) and all i now have to say is 'do you want to go behind the sofa?' she says no and generally the behaviour stops. not always, they always try and push you but most of the time it works.

i started short short time outs at 9 month when she started crawling, on my lap for about 30 seconds, and now its old news. if you feel this is too early probably around one, they soon learn that its not something they wanna do.

CarolinaMoon · 20/09/2006 13:17

munz, how is the hand-scrunching not punishing?

wrinklytum · 20/09/2006 13:58

With difficulty!!!Seven months is very little.Mine would understand a firm "NO" at this stage (not shouted at,told firmly) for a few milliseconds ie "Not mummys glasses".However dont expect great obedience at this age!!!Babies are exploring their world rather than being deliberately naughty imo.Round about a year I would just say no/remove gently from situation with DS.I didnt start naughty step and such like until about 18months-2 years when he had a little more language recognition and understanding.I was horrified the other day,I was sitting in a cafe and there was a grandma with a lo about dds age (9 months) who was shouting at the top of her voice "No you little madam, if you dont stop screaming I will hit you".All the poor little baby was doing was testing out her voice.I was so shocked by this.Poor little baby.

staceym11 · 20/09/2006 14:10

awwwww poor baby, thats mean, theres a difference between disciplining (ie removing) and being douwnright mean, horrible lady!!

oh and just thought i should add that all babies need to get in trouble to understand the difference between right and wrong, its natural! my little one spent 5 mins earlier trying to draw on my coffee table until she realised i was looking and then ran and put herself behind the sofa! kids can be so cute!

misdee · 20/09/2006 14:19

i find a good sharp 'no' and moving away works well.

dd3 is a scratcher,hair puller and head butter. i have to garab her hands and pull them away from my face. i have to uncurl her fingers which get intwined in dd1 lovely hair.

dd2 tends to back flip her off though. not really sure if thats an appriate way of dealing with it, as dd3 seems to nejoy it and giggles away.

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