Contrariness

[odyssey2001]

My 3.5yo son is going through a contrary phase (we are about three months in). He will constantly claim the opposite of things we say. My issue is how to respond. Should we challenge / correct him or ignore it?

Often (90% of the time) he knows exactly what he is doing and is doing it just to push our buttons. The other times or is because he is unsure about something or confused. My feeling is that because there are two different scenarios, there should be two different responses. But I am happy to be wrong because it seems to be escalating and I think we are making things worse!

All thoughts gratefully received.

We've had this too.

What colour is the sky. I will say it's blue. Dc will say no it's not it's yellow.

My answer is always the same. Mummy thinks it's blue. You can say it's yellow if you want to but mummy thinks it's blue.

I don't know if this is the same but we are having problems with Ds (3.7) as he wants to do the absolute opposite as what you say.

For example - i want to go to see grandparents
Agree, get ready, say 'come on then let's go' 'noooooo don't want to go and see grandma and grandad'

He cried the other day as he wanted to go to nursery. When nursery was open he cried because he didn't want to go.

He's been so good for about a year and this feels like the terrible twos again.

I would just answer once. Eg 'what colour is the sky'? You say 'blue' he says no it's yellow-you IGNORE. I would not be endlessly repeating myself or arguing with 3 year old logic! If he keeps on and on just treat it like nagging and let him know it's out of line. Eg 'that's enough now ds' and change the subject.

Wowser I think your ds is trying to manipulate situations, I would just tell him what your doing that day or if he asks to go to gp's and you have agreed then go, don't change plan because he changes his mind like that. Kids this age are struggling for control and contrariness is part of all that. It will all pass!

The thing is - he shouts, screams, , cries, yells , can't get him dressed - so i persevere but it takes forever to get anywhere.

He stopped having tantrums agggges ago so this recent development (last 2 weeks or so) has really surprised me.

So is it fairly normal to go through a stage like this at 3 and a half? If i know it's a phase it won't bother me So much! He's mainly really really lovely.

And thanks freya
And sorry for the hijack op!

It's all about the control. They're probably more than happy to go to Dgp's but just pushing your buttons. Stay will original plan.

Yes it's normal! My dd was an angel at 2, I was all smug and thought that would be it..how wrong I was! I had terrible 3's big time!

Glad it's a normal phase! Thanks guys.

Hopefully he'll realise mummy means what she says!

He's so strong though. I can't physically get him in his car seat etc if he struggles.

Dd is the same age and quite contrary at times. Often stubborn. Her latest thing is to roll her eyes, flounce and proclaim "Oh GODDD!!" at anything that opposes her opinion.

Ignoring seems to be the best option.

No matter how long it takes to get him in the car seat just persevere, stand by the car and refuse to talk to him or do anything until he's in the seat. Let him know who's boss! It's hard but he will give in eventually. Always plan time for tantrums too! Whatever happens stay calm! Gl x