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DD never wants her Dad

7 replies

macnab · 12/08/2014 14:17

Our DD is almost 4. She's a lovely happy little thing, no behavioural or development problems (beyond the normal anyway!) But she seems to have a 'thing' about her Dad. I presumed at first this was a phase but its been going on years now so I'm not sure...

My husband is a great dad and I know he loves her very much. If I'm not around she's fine, but if I am she only wants me. And now she verbalises it which makes it more hurtful - "no, I don't want daddy to read the story just you mummy", "I don't want to sit with daddy I just want to cuddle my mummy"

At the weekend, I wanted to have a lie on in bed so DH said he'd get up with the kids. DD was in our room and asking me to get up but when I told her that Daddy was getting up because I was going to have a rest she got really upset and was saying she didn't want daddy just me. DH did take her downstairs but she got so upset and I could hear her crying, it wasn't much of a rest for me and was obviously upsetting for my DH.

I know these examples probably don't sound like much but its constant and I do worry about their relationship if it carries on like this. I have tried to speak to her about it, telling her that daddy loves her very much and it makes him sad when she says she doesn't want to sit with him/hold his hand etc. and it makes me upset too. She doesn't reply and I'm not sure if she just doesn't have the emotional intelligence yet to 'get' it or does she and I'm just not saying the right thing to her?

I work full time and she goes to a minder, never any problem with that. She's clingy to me when I'm around but not so clingy that she's not independent etc. Also, we have a 6 year old son and no issues there other than he is now noticing and gives out to DD if she says she doesn't want to hold dad's hand etc. which just makes it all the more awkward.

It's really weighing on my mind and I'd love to know if there's anything I can do/DH can do/we can say to her to fix it.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 14:52

I have to say that both my dds did this and I nipped it right in the bud with a firm "Well tonight Daddy is reading the story and that's that...I'll be in later to say goodnight."

It worked although it didn't immediately stop the whining for me...if they carried on then I'd nip out.

I won't have them foisting ALL the work on me! Grin Half of it is power tripping if you ask me...they know at 4 what is hurtful. Don't react...insist...and if it gets tearful then pop out.

SlipperyLizard · 12/08/2014 23:14

I agree with nipping it in the bud - both of ours have gone through not wanting a particular parent at some stage (just last night I was told by my two year old that she wanted daddy to read stories. The answer was "well it's my turn tonight, daddy will read stories tomorrow".)

If she sees that she can't get her way she will eventually give up.

RedErik · 12/08/2014 23:29

Yep my 7 year is STILL like this. Obviously I don't give in DH and does his share of the childcare. But that saying things like "I'm sitting next to Mummy" when we go to a cafe or whatever.

Gen35 · 13/08/2014 09:12

Yep I've had this from dc1 too and i agree with others, she doesn't get to have her own way about it all the time. Although it's nice to feel wanted, I remind myself that probably when she's a teenager she will prefer DH and then I'll need his support as he needs my backup now.

bringbackfonzi · 13/08/2014 13:29

Both of mine have done or still do this, tbh I think it's pretty normal and you just have to wait it out for a few years.

Iggly · 13/08/2014 20:17

My DCs do this. I work and put it down to them wanting mummy more as a result. Interestingly as my ds gets older (he's 4) he wants me for certain things e.g. bedtime but wants DH for other things e.g. playing games with.

We've tried fighting it but it makes it worse IMO in our house!

frames · 13/08/2014 20:21

Ah well, when she needs a lift, byf trouble all those things this is when Dads come in handy. Keep reminding him of this, and don't let it become an issue she will just do it more. Little children like their 'main carer'

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