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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Baby sleeps so much better when cosleeping so what are the long term issues if I keep soon this?

27 replies

SunnySaladDays · 11/08/2014 21:55

My 4 week old ds2 sleeps so amazingly well when cosleeping in my bed. Wakes up once for a quick feed, so ends up doing a couple of 4-5 hour stretches of sleep at night. On nights when I put him in his cot he wakes every couple of hours for a feed and sometimes it takes a couple of efforts to get him to settle in the cot (yes I know that is normal sleep behaviour for this age).

So I'm happy to keep cosleeping as I really cannot be bothered with the cot business and sleep deprivation etc BUT I'm worried that it could mean long term there could be different issues that are harder to break! Is this true?

So I'm wondering whether I'm better off suffering sleep deprivation but persevering with the cot

Just to add for background.

*Ds1 was an atrocious night time sleeper until he was 2.5 and ds2 sleeps so much better, both at night and day. I did try cosleeping with ds1 and it failed as he fed all night long. So the idea of long term sleep deprivation scares me perhaps more than other parents.

*I have a few complicated months of health issues/treatments coming up for myself so I do need sleep for my mental and physical health.

*Ds2 naps in his buggy, car seat and swing happily. Just doesn't seem to like the cot. Obviously he can't sleep in any of those over night.

So should I persevere with the cot as ds2 is being quite typical with his sleeping patterns in the cot (and I should stop expecting more) or should I just risk it and keep enjoying the sleep and peace and keep cosleeping?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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ColdTeaAgain · 11/08/2014 23:08

Enjoy the sleep and snuggles and cosleep!

We coslept on and off with DD until about 13 months. When the time felt right we started putting her in her cot awake instead of already cuddled to sleep and sat with her until she went to sleep in her bed. sometime picked up and settled her, sometimes didn't need to. Now very happily sleeping in her own bed all night and settles again quickly if she wakes either on her own or with us coming in to tuck her back in.

Don't listen to those who tell you cosleeping is making a rod for your own back, they know nothing! We got more sleep during the first 12 months of parenthood than anyone else I know. I know that sounds a braggy but really, why put up with sleep deprivation if you don't have to?

wingcommandergallic · 11/08/2014 23:13

Until the last few decades, children would have been cuddled upto siblings once they'd moved out of parents bed.

No future issues so enjoy and make sure you're cosleeping safely.

ColdTeaAgain · 11/08/2014 23:15

Just to add, I didn't mean I think we were any better than other parents, its just compared to others with babies the same age who wouldn't co sleep as they were worried they'd never get them to sleep in their own room, they are now no better off than us with how well their LO's sleep at night. In fact most who have tried CC etc are much worse sleepers.

I think it just shows that really, it's all down to the individual child whatever you try and do. They will sleep by themselves when they are good and ready!

Ok I'll shut up now!

goingloombandcrazy · 11/08/2014 23:17

Long term issues? Only positive attachments, knowing you response to their needs.

My 2.5 yr old now sleeps happily in own bed. Enjoy doesn't last forever

ShelaghTurner · 11/08/2014 23:17

Enjoy it. We co-slept with both of ours, DD1 moved out 6 months ago at just turned 6, DD2 is losing interest at 2.5. Of course yours might not stay anything like as long as that but I've loved every minute, wouldn't change it at all. We all sleep well, get lots of cuddles. No faffing with cots or sleeping arrangements when travelling. It's been ideal apart from the fact that nocturnal activity requires a bit more thought!

floatyflo · 11/08/2014 23:18

My ds 4 yrs old, ends up in my bed every night. He sleeps better. I sleep better. Oh works nights so plenty of space. We have always said we don't care where we all choose to sleep as long as we all sleep and are happy! Five month old dd is in cot next to my bed.

floatyflo · 11/08/2014 23:19

Sorry just to add, I never particularly set out to co-sleep, it just happened and for us it would be too much unnecessary hassle to change at the moment.

Wolfiefan · 11/08/2014 23:20

My DD and I co slept. It was lovely. Everyone in the house got more sleep. She's 4 now and sleeping peacefully in her bed at the moment.
Long term issues? Erm well I sometimes snuggle up to her at bedtime and come over all misty eyed about snuggling up to sleep together!

TheTerribleBaroness · 11/08/2014 23:21

We co-slept with DS from about six months until...can't even remember! He went from our bed, to his cot next to our bed, took the side off and turned it into a toddler bed, and then one day he was all excited as we moved it into his room so he could sleep with all his toys and things. He was three. Easy, stress free, and no tears for anyone.

nickelbabe · 11/08/2014 23:23

it's biologically normal to co-sleep.

keep doing it. it will help the baby sleep and it'll make sure you're more likely to sleep well too.

who cares if it's "making a rod for your back"?
who does it affect apart from you? :)

enjoy it and enjoy sleep :)

whotheduckisalice · 11/08/2014 23:26

I have long term co-slept with both my children and love it. No getting up in the middle of the night appeals to my lazy nature! I miss my DD now she doesn't sneak back in well not every night No sleep issues either. They have both always slept well bar brief night wakings.

PopularNamesInclude · 11/08/2014 23:26

Like you, we discovered co-sleeping after a fitful time with DS1. DS2 just slept with us and it worked a treat. We had a little hassle moving DS2 into his own bed at 2yo, but after 3 nights of fuss, he slept there quite happily. And not a minute of sleep deprivation for the 2 years of co-sleeping. It was wonderful! All DC now sleep in their own beds all night without complaint - no rod for your own back is lurking in the shadows. I know plenty of parents who have switched to the cot at 6mos or a year, or you can carry on co-sleeping for longer.

KeepAbreast · 11/08/2014 23:30

I worried about this with my DD, we coslept from 4 months (when she suddenly started refusing to sleep!) until she was about a year old. I would have done it longer but her dad and I split up and I needed my evenings back without worrying about her falling/climbing out of bed. It took some perseverance, I started by putting her in her cot asleep and then bringing her into bed after her first wake-up, and now less than six months later she sleeps through the night in a cot in her own room. Of course all babies are different but my DD has always been quite difficult sleep-wise so I consider this a success. I still bring her into my bed in a morning sometimes and we have an extra hour or so together although she is very wriggly now!

babrow13 · 11/08/2014 23:57

I told DH I would never let baby sleep in our bed for fear it would be a long term thing. DS was in with us from day one, first in a Sleepyhead, then the side cot, he grew out of that at 4 months and slept happily with us until a couple of weeks ago aged 16 months. He transferred no problem. The only thing is that he has a cot bed with a side barrier, he didn't like the cot at all, feeling trapped I suppose. Me and DH have never suffered from sleep deprivation and enjoyed every moment of it. We have DS in the bed with us occasionally still. The only problem I have encountered is the opinions of other people, from people that have never co-slept. The same people that have never breast fed but feel qualified to tell me that I should stop breastfeeding at 16 months because he is too old. I think there are pros and cons to all methods of parenting, if it works for you and partner then stick with it. There is no harm in co sleeping IMO and no negative long term effects. Good luck

Llareggub · 12/08/2014 00:01

DS2 still sleeps with me, aged 5. He will occasionally sleep all night in his own bed but pretty much 95% of the time he ends up with me. Of my two DCs, he is by far the most extrovert and independent. I'm enjoying it while it lasts, although I wish he'd learn to sleep with more than 1mm between us.

Anomaly · 12/08/2014 00:06

Coslept with all three. Eldest moved out at 13 months, second was out by 10 months, the last was sleeping through in her own cot at 9 months. None of them have ever been back in our bed! The younger two were a doddle to move out.

bushey1975 · 12/08/2014 00:32

Enjoy! I've done both ways with different children and I love having them in my bed, they're only young once. Having said that I am a single parent so I don't have the sex issue!

feekerry · 12/08/2014 07:16

ds (dc2) is 26 weeks and has slept in with us since 9 weeks when he all of a sudden refused his cot. i do have a side car cot but he refused that too as loves to be snuggled up with us.
i do get a bit cramped and hot sometimes and ds does faff a bit but i don't have the energy to get up to settle him several times a night!!
and the sex issue can be a problem bit its all workable

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 12/08/2014 07:23

It really only matters if you're happy and your baby is happy. There is no "right" answer to sleep, because babies (like adults) all sleep differently and we all have different ways of coping with things. Anyone who tries to tell you that there is one perfect solution that works on all babies is lying. So co-sleep if you want to. We do, otherwise I'd never get any sleep at all (DD is a snacker, I prefer to sleep while she snacks!).

Remember - young children, and particularly babies, learn new habits VERY quickly, so any pattern you create now can easily be corrected later when you want to change things.

TooSpotty · 12/08/2014 07:24

I've coslept with both of mine so I could sleep, just like you're describing, and both of them now sleep brilliantly in their own beds in their own rooms. DD moved out at 15 months and DS at 12 months, both very happily.

captainproton · 12/08/2014 07:24

I coslept with my 2, DC1 took to her cot at about 7 months and DC2 has just got used to his cot now at 11 months. He's difficult to settle sometimes cos of teething, and if he wakes up teething he ends up back in our bed for cuddles.

They share a room though because they are close in age, and he settles to sleep better when big sister is in there with him.

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 12/08/2014 07:28

Enjoy.

Original poster

SunnySaladDays · 12/08/2014 10:15

Thank you for the positive stories :)

I will keep doing it for the time being and see how we go. Dh is in the spare room at the moment as he can't sleep around noisy babies (so he would be out of the room even if ds2 was in a cot anyway!)

I never really understood how cosleeping could be so successful as I did try it with ds1 several times at various ages as he was a very poor sleeper and he either fed all the time, got frustrated and sick from overfeeding and then when he was older we had a lot of problems as he was so wriggly and rolly he kept waking me up constantly. So I'm glad I can finally understand why people recommend it.

OP posts:

elQuintoConyo · 12/08/2014 12:12

Still sleep with DS aged 2.8

We all love it, we are all happy. We never set out to co sleep, but that's what we did straight out of hospital. I also planned on breastfeeding, but that didn't work out. We're flexible.

DS doesn't even have his own room yet, let alone a bed! We shall be getting one after Christmas and see how we go from there.

DeWee · 12/08/2014 15:33

DD1 didn't like cosleeping, dd2 liked it but liked to sleep perpendicular to anyone else in the bed, so we didn't let her. Ds was like your ds, slept much better like that.

I would do it exactly the same if I did it again BUT:
At 9 months ds would climb out of his cot (still in our room) and climb into our bed. Very cute really: He'd call "mama, mama..." as he climbed in would pat around in the bed until he found me and then would fall straight asleep again.
At 2yo he'd go to sleep in his bedroom and come through to our bed, wriggling up between us, pretty much every night. He did this pretty much every night until he was gone 5yo.
He's now 7yo (just). He goes off to sleep in his bed, but if he gets a chance will try and fell asleep in our bed. About a third of the times he wakes at night he will come through into our bed. He likes to feel me near him when going off to sleep.

Now I don't mind this most of the time. Occasionally he comes in and is very wriggly and thoroughly wakes me up. Occasionally he comes through with the questions of the world at 4am, which I'm not too good at dealing with.
Dh isn't keen, but I pointed out I was always the one having to deal with him awake, so I didn't think he got a say.
I've never particularly proctively encouraged him to come through or not come through. But what I'm saying is that if you don't want him to keep coming through to your bed, you may (or may not!) need to take a stand at some point, which can be quite hard work.

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