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i think my son is showing the same signs of anxiety that i had

2 replies

DiaDuit · 11/08/2014 11:08

he is 9 and generally quite sensitive. his emotions do seem to be just under the surface a lot.

he went pony riding last week and came home raving about it, insisting I book lessons and telling me about everything he had done. he was very animated about it and seemed to really have loved it. he was due to go back today (last week was cut short due to the weather so today was to make up for it) and when I got him up to get ready he said he didn't want to go. I asked why and he started to cry saying he was just tired. I probed a bit but he stuck with the tired story and got really angry with me so I left it and said he had to get dressed/eat anyway as I still had to take his brother to pony riding. he was fine with this. when we got there I asked him again and he said no. the instructor came over and suggested he might want to come out in the afternoon for the games which he said he did. so we started home and a few minutes after leaving he said he didn't feel tired anymore. I asked if he wanted me to drop him back at the stables and he said no, he was still a bit tired. so we got home and he seemed happy (relieved?) chatting away etc so I asked if something had happened the last time he was there and he said no, got upset again and I asked if someone had said something to upset him at his dad's house (he was there at the weekend) and he got angry again and kept saying he was just tired. I asked why he was getting so upset and he said he was annoyed with me asking him. so I said ok, but if you want to talk to me that's ok and I wont be upset with anything you tell me. he insisted he is just tired.

I don't believe him. I suspect his dad, or someone at his dad's house might have said something about him going horse riding but I could be completely wrong. his reactions/decision not to go though is reminding me very much of how I used to feel when my anxiety was bad. DS wouldn't have seen any of this as it was whilst I was pregnant with him. but I remember feeling increasingly anxious about going to work to the point where I would sit outside in the car and my EXP had to talk me out of the car and through the door on the phone. there were times I just couldn't do it and had to turn home. I had no explanation for feeling that way. there was no reason other than this horrible feeling in my stomach and just really not wanting to go in. once I was in work I was always fine and happy to be there. it happened occasionally with social occasions. I would get extremely nervous about meeting up with (long term) friends and would think up excuses not to go. again, I couldn't explain why I didn't want to go.

I don't know if this is what is going on with DS or if there is a specific issue with horse riding but I recognise the behaviours and I'm worried I've passed this on to him and don't know how to fix it so he wont grow into a big ball of anxiety.

I don't want to push too much with the questions and make it a bigger deal than it already is but I need to know what's going on. I know it's not tiredness.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MrsWinnibago · 11/08/2014 11:48

My DD tends to say "I don't want to go now" in a similar fashion...she's 10 and the best way I have found to deal with it is just to chivvy her along in a no nonsense way..."Oh well, you'll be fine. Get ready, we're going."

I do think that if you listen to them when they just don't fancy something, they'd never go anywhere

Just push him along and make him go next time.

BertieBotts · 11/08/2014 13:35

Three things:

I agree with MrsW that this kind of thing is quite normal for children and sometimes they aren't actually being anxious, they're just being children. Cheerful chivvying works very well in these situations, and is definitely always what I would try first. If it's not a real anxiety, then you don't want to make it into one if that makes sense.

Secondly make sure it's not your anxiety making you feel like this is a worse situation than it is. Maybe he doesn't like horseriding but doesn't want to tell you? Maybe he's getting stick at school about it because it's a "girls'" activity? Try not to project your own fears onto him, it may not be the same thing.

Lastly, if you're sure it is anxiety, I saw this the other day which I think is fantastic - sort of like CBT for anxiety for children. Might be worth a try? www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-jain/9-things-every-parent-with-an-anxious-child-should-try_b_5651006.html

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