How to change getting dressed from a battlezone to a civilised activity

[vladthedisorganised]

.. any ideas?

DD is 4. Every single morning is fine until it comes to getting dressed. Generally DD will decide that she wants to wear something other than whatever has been set out, and will have a tantrum about not being able to wear 'something else'. The 'something else' is usually something really impractical, like a pinafore dress without a t-shirt, something too small from the charity shop bag, a princess dress, a woolen dress in the height of summer or shorts when it's snowing.

Originally I tried the 'limited choice' approach to give her an element of control while also making it clear that she had to wear something appropriate ('this T-shirt or this one?') - which resulted in her not wanting to choose either and having a tantrum about it.

I have tried getting her to choose an outfit the night before and setting it out ready for the next day - this resulted in two weeks of tantrums because she wanted to wear something else the next morning.

Taking away any option doesn't seem to be working either. She seems to be tantrumming out of habit rather than anything else - today she managed to insist she wanted to wear something else after she'd put on the dress she'd set out the night before! Changing the timing (dressing before/after breakfast) hasn't helped either and I'm stumped.

We had a talk about it, but she can't articulate more than 'I like to wear pretty things' and 'I didn't want to wear that today'.

Seeing as she's quite easygoing about most other things, this is a real flashpoint and I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. It's making mornings very tiring indeed and I can't wait for school uniform to be honest!

Seeing as it's the school holidays, could you let her wear her 'impractical clothes' now? It will take the stress out of the mornings for you. I would also get her involved in something like checking the weather every night/morning and discussing what she thinks would be best to wear.
She's 4- sounds like it's become a habit- take away the conflict and come from a different direction.

I would also try something like picking outfits for each other one morning- this can be hilarious and fun.

Let her wear impractical stuff. She will learn what impractical means.
It really is not worth the fight.

This will pass! We struggled for ages with DD1 and it became the norm to fight about getting dressed each day. I realised recently that it didn't happen anymore but we had all moved on without realising

We relaxed big time over her choices. It meant she went to pre school wearing some alarming outfits but they weren't impractical. When she chose a flimsy dress on a cold day I said it was okay but she had to have leggings and a top underneath. Outfits I remember: woolly winter tights with summer shorts in a clashing colour! Summer dress with woolly ankle socks pulled up to calf height! All ankle socks pulled up to calf height over the top of leggings with tattered bridesmaid shoes! None of her outfits looked like those artfully bohemian outfits where wellies and tutus are put together. She just looked mad!

I also allow her to not put a coat on if she chooses despite the weather, it's often on halfway down the road!!

It's a desire for independence. We no longer struggle and she's much more open to my suggestions. It's almost as if she's bored of it now. She has a much better idea of dressing appropriately for the activity/weather now too.

Agree with everyone else, let her wear exactly what she wants all the time, however take lots of photos for her 18th birthday party, and have a sensible outfit and coat with you if she should ever admit it's impractical, never mention the coat/spare outfit mind, only use it if she realises she's wearing something inappropriate and mentions it herself. Otherwise pass no comment on what she wears at all. This too shall pass! Also, please don't worry about what other folk think of your dds outfits, she's only 4!

My DD1 was just like this and i fought her all the way. Looking back I have no idea why - it was exhausting!! DD2 went through the same and I lost the will to live and let her wear whatever she liked, she soon worked out vaguely appropriate choices and actually turned out to have a brilliant eye for colour! Some of my happiest memories now are of DD2 trailing through muddy fields in a fairy dress and wellies and wearing her party dresses at totally inappropriate times (many of which dresses had had only one wear on DD1 as I insisted on them being worn only for a party, then by the next party she'd grown out of them, silly really, might as well have got some decent wear out of them as I decided with DD2). DD1 (9) now wears almost nothing except skinny jeans and hoodies and DD2 (7) is following in her footsteps - enjoy the crazy inappropriate choices now, just take a jumper with you when she decides on a sundress in mid winter and a t shirt and leggings when she chooses full on wool in August. I promise that after a little while she'll work out for herself what is appropriate at what temperature as she boils / freezes!