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Terrible 2's? ADHD? Or just my 2 year old testing, pushing boundaries/driving me insane!!?

6 replies

Mummygemgem · 08/08/2014 13:07

hi there,
This is my first post, so go easy on me!

I have a 2 year old DD, who is constantly hyper, and very recently has become very very over demanding in certain ways ( don't get me wrong, I know kids are demanding generally!!)

She's generally, happy, healthy, stimulated, active etc etc, but recently I've been pulling my hair out because I feel like she's testing me. She will do anything my Dh says, but if I as say no, she will literally keep repeating the word for whatever she wants, with me generally in between saying no, then trying to ignore it when she doesn't accept the 'no'
It sounds silly now I've written it down, but a nice walk in the buggy is becoming a night are.
Firstly it's dummy, then her seahorse fave toy, juice, blanket, book, and if I don't have one of these items, or say no to having a dummy (trying to but it down) I literally get a good half an hour of her repeating 'dummy dummy dummy' and then throwing a tantrum until I give in because I can't think straight ( and admittedly for a bit of silence until she next thing)

Is this generally normal, and just a phase ?
I don't want her to grow up thinking that everything she demands, I, mummy, usually give in eventually, as there will be things that I will say no to, and mean a million percent, and she won't take notice, I worry.

I want her to keep her lovely caring nature, and don't want to turn her into demanding, gets everything she wants kind of child.
Is this normal?
Any advice woulD be appreciated, and as I've said- it looks and sounds so silly written down, but it is draining with constant demanding of certain things, ignoring me when I say no, tantrums.

It has been said that I should say no in a firmer voice, but then do I ignore, do I try and explain why I've said no to a 2 year old?
I'd never raise my voice (although I feel like it!) as that's not me, but I don't want to be a pushover nimby-pamby mother who has children that literally rule them either.

Let the advice roll in mummies..... Thanks x

OP posts:
Mummygemgem · 08/08/2014 13:08

The reason I added ADHD in the title, is because I wondered if it might be. I had ADHD until teens, and her behaviour, especially when I'm speaking to other people, on the phone etc...she'll literally scream anytime I'm not giving her 100 percent attention...how do I deal with this? I'm surprised by my calmness to be honest !

OP posts:
NorthEasterlyGale · 08/08/2014 13:23

Sounds a lot like my 2.2 DS1 to be honest. He's worse when he's tired, but there's a lot of testing responses / boundaries etc as he learns about his control in the world and the influence he can have; particularly as his language improves.

I just pick my battles - if I can let him have / do what he wants, then fine. If it's a definite 'no' then I stay firm, distract him or if he has a tantrum speak calmly, name the emotion for him (anger, frustration, upset etc) explain why I've said 'no' and give him a hug (or ignore the tantrum occasionally if I'm really at the end of my tether and just can't get it together to be all soothing and understanding Grin).

Sometimes if he's locked in a bit of 'no' loop I just respond to every one of his 'no's with a 'yes' in increasingly silly voices. It makes a game of it and he soon starts laughing and I can then distract him. I have also been known to copy him when he's whingeing about something - childish, and only done at home, but it makes him laugh and again, allows me to then distract. He's generally better when he's had enough sleep, enough to eat and some 1-2-1 time, and although he is a real live-wire he's usually easy going and a joy; but when he 'goes' he really goes Grin

No idea if that's any use or not - between DS1 not sleeping well (think it's 'cause he's going through a language development phase) and 6 month old DS2 having a growth spurt / teething episode, I'm a tad short of sleep and not making much sense Grin

Lovelydiscusfish · 08/08/2014 20:43

My dd (2.4) can be like this when refused something she wants too. I tend to explain why she can't have it, and, where appropriate, when she will next be able to have it in the future, then distract, either with a cuddle/tickle, or pointing out something that will interest her if out and about. It can be annoying, can't it?

MexicanSpringtime · 10/08/2014 04:51

I had this problem with my dd, so aren't alone, and did everyone wrong myself, but I do wonder at the consequences of giving in to her tantrums. Surely any intelligent child learns that if I scream and scream and get what I want, that is they will do.

Roonerspism · 10/08/2014 06:03

Hang in there. Is this not just a strong willed toddler?

Very similar to mine who is a bit older. I say "no" twice now, firmly and look her (nicely!) in the eye. This often means repeat/repeat but I ignore. Sometimes there are screams. I ignore.

She has just started to say "ok then". It is improving.

Roonerspism · 10/08/2014 06:08

Also - agree you must never give in! You are stuffed. Especially at end of tantrum.

Your smart little girl knows exactly how to get her way with you (I'm guessing Dad doesn't give in).

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