help need with 5 year old !!!!!!

[havingproblems]

My son started school last year and seemed to be doing very well.. however new school year, different teacher and I have just been spoken to by his teacher about his behaviour.
He has been hitting, kicking, spitting, silly name calling to different children.
I know he has never been an angel and can be very hyper at times but this term seems to have bought out the worst in him. When asked why he has done it, he never knows why.. he has even hit and kicked me.
Been in tears over this since start of term as I have no idea what to do, have done the hard approach, soft approach, taken toys away, has gone to bed early, gets sent to his room, he has promised he won't do it again (then does it again), over praised him on the good and ignored the bad ( to which he just keeps repeating himself over and over again and getting right into my face), if I take things away he answers back and says 'well I have more toys upstairs' etc etc..
At home I can control him but as soon as he gets into school its a different matter. Its always as if he is trying to impress the other children, make them laugh and seem the class clown.
Have started to do a good/naughty chart (green is a good day and red is a bad day), a friend suggested I take a book into the teacher and get her to do the same thing.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Whats the pasta jar thing?

agree - smaller targets will help.

Plus is he getting overtired at school? I know my two are different children on days when they get up early for some reason. could a regular earlier bedtime and/or blackout blinds help?

ps pasta jar thing is a jar with some pasta - you add a bit when they do something good (eg behave at breakfast etc like malory says) and take a bit away when they're naughty. a full jar gets a treat of some sort.

i posted something like this a couple of days ago, my ds(5) was biting at school. i can sympathise , i'm going back to the star chart thing that seemed to help last term.

My 5 year old DS1 has also just started Year 1, and at home his behaviour has totally deteroiated. He is tantruming, screaming, hitting, biting. Not sure what he is like at school.

Think that he has gone from the nice cosy world of reception to a much stricter teacher/environment in Year 1. He is obviously finding it difficult to cope and comes out of school each day shattered. He is an August baby so one of the younger in the year. Like your son he has never been an angel and definitely has issues with concentration and hyper behaviour.

Spoke to a friend who is a reception teacher the other day and she said it is just the transition to Year 1 and he will settle down.

oo thank goodness for that.. he was born july so also one of the smallest.
Have tried to adjust his bedtimes so he sleeps in longer, but everyday is 5am start or earlier.. Have only got a two bedroom house, so his sister (2 in Nov) is in the same room.
Did buy some (gambling chips) a while back and he got one everytime he was good.. then if he had more than 10 at end of week he got a treat, but he kind of lost interest.
Maybe will try and set smaller goal for him, break up the day a bit. I also think it is because he is bored, I know that when he is at home and gets bored, he plays up.
He is also one of the brighter ones in his class and seems to be ahead in his reading, I am thinking that he is just bored within the classroom.

It sounds like he may have social problems, I know that my DS1 sometimes deals with other children by hitting them and calling them names. Maybe you can concentrate on some play dates, encouraging special friendships !!

Yeah sounds good, he has actually got a friend coming round today who he hasn't had round to play before. Only trouble is when asked who is friends are... he said this boy and said sometimes when we're together we're a little bit naughty sometimes.... but I am thinking he is only 5 so you have to expect some trouble.

Tell me about it, I am having one of his friends over on Tuesday. He is one of the naughtiest in the class, which fills my DS1 with great glee.

DH has been away and has just got back from a week long trip. We were talking about this and have decided that we are going to be really calm with him. Must admit that it has been hard work on my own over the last week and I have not been the calmest

Good luck with your playdate!

I started to look into the different types of child and my son seemed to be getting some of the traits of adhd (I don't think he has got it) but it said that parents seem to take one of three approaches..The 'i am a failure of a mother' approach (done that).. the 'I will make him a good angel approach and turn the bad into good' (done that and that didn't work) .. now I am doing the 'not trying to change him but trying to work with it approach' (not raising the voice but trying in a way to give a little so he gives a little - can't think of the word for it 'compromise' thats it.
It's so difficult though, have to keep thinking and reminding myself.

There are some good general ideas in "How to talk so kids will listen..." book (by Faber & Mazlish, v cheap at the moment on SchoolLink).

DS was a bit like this when he started year 1, having had a good Reception year at the same school. I'm afraid it lasted till half-term or more. I have no idea why either.

havingproblems - I had exactly the same thoughts about AHDH this summer with DS1.

We really tried to unite as a parenting team, slashed/ got rid of all TV. It made a huge difference and his behaviour totally improved.

But then we let it slip, DP was stressed through work and his behaviour totally deteriotated again. It is so difficult to keep it up in normal family life.

So now we are investigating diet, doing something called kinesology with him (which is something that DH and i have had success with).

My cousin, who is an adhd nurse with 20 yrs experience, passed on lots of suggestions to me when I had problems with ds1, but the most important one seems to be:

Set up consistent behaviour management with dp/dh and also with the school so all adults are clearly working together.

This resonated with me as my dh is Italian and had completely different ideas about child rearing. It took us years to work out a compromise - our own way of doing things, but since then things have been much better.

For me this translated to:

Decide on a bedtime routine/time and stick to it
(ds1 hadn't slept all night without waking since he was born - this lasted until he was 7, now he's ok).

Make sure they get plenty of outdoor exercise. For me again, this meant walking 20 minutes to school and back instead of getting in the car. People would frequently stop us and offer lifts and seem horrified if we didn't accept thinking I was tiring him out, but honestly, he needed to run off the energy! I also did more park visits (which I hate).

Cutting tv down a lot has helped too. I now allow both my ds's (younger one is 4) a maximum of an hour on the evenings on which they have no other hobbies (maybe 2 or 3) and they don't watch any tv at all before school or just before bedtime.

And you need a good relationship with the school, which can be a challenge - depends on the school. I had to literally insist on extra meetings with ds1s teacher (who didn't want to know as ds1 wasn't a problem as such, but things were not right either)so that we were all in agreement.

But havingproblems, you have all my sympathy. Some children have so much more energy - can be difficult if, like me, you are knackered all the time from working, cleaning, organising kids, dh, friends, school pta etc etc etc and everything else we mums have to do. Good luckxxx - my cousin also said that nearly all the adhd children she worked with were really bright! If their energy is harnessed correctly, who knows, you could have the next prime minister on your hands, (or similar position that requires boundless energy, not sleeping at night and intelligence)....

aw thank you ever so much for all of your help. Trying to psyc myself up for having a little word with his teacher today.. I am not one for public speaking or confrontation, I hate it but has to be done.
Had his mate round yesterday, they played nicely for a bit then son deicded to push the younger brother, then decided to put the ladder down from the cabin bed and hit his friend on the shoulder. Then I put him on the naughty step and he hit and kicked me... seemed to calm down a bit afterwards but then decided to throw toys around the room (also hitting his friend). He went to bed early and had some of his toys taken away.
All I could say to his mum was 'I hope he had a good time, he kind of came out worser than what he started with'.
Blimey I hope my daughter doesn't turn out like this!

Hope he had a better day today - my DS1 was much better today. Maybe after a week and a half of school he is finally getting used to the teacher.

Well the spider diagram worked well and spoke to his teacher who was really nice about it actually, she was pleased that I managed to find out some answers and is more than happy to write in his little book if he had a smiley day or a sad day etc etc..
He was god int he classroom yesterday but it was just when he went outseide to play..
Spoke to her today as he has been saying he doesn't want to go to school etc and that he is bored at school. I feel a lot better about this situation now!!

The pace will soon pick up and hopefully it will become more chalenging for him.

challenging

We had a good smiley day!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't stop smiling at school once I read his book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh good for you guys

Apparently they are trying to do a buddy scheme where a year 2 plays with son.. however just found out from year 2 mum that her son has had a panick attack, thinking he won't ever play with his friends..
Why do I think i am going back to square one??
Oh yesterday was a good day as well!!! just waiting to find out what today is...