I honestly have no idea what to do.

[DoubtfulDoris]

My beautiful little girl who is 3 does not seem to enjoy spending time with me, even though it's just me and her most of the time.
I try to colour, paint, play age appropriate board games, go on weekends away, swimming and indoor play, provide healthy food (but also treats) and she still hates me. And I'm at a loss at what to do, as everything we do in daily life is a battle. I have shouted in the past, for about a 4 week period a few months ago but did not before and stopped as soon as I realised that I'm letting a 3 year old wind me up
She's not naughty as such, she doesn't touch things she shouldn't or run away but it seems everything I do is wrong.
We cannot continue like this, to be honest it think she is miserable as well as me.
Daddy is the best thing ever and so is everyone else but me.
I work 3 days per week and she attends nursery for 2 and spends the other day with family. So we can't be smothering each other.
I never get the amazing feeling of watching her accomplish something or play with dollies with her.. There's brand new toys and games I've brought for us to play together (which have only been attempted to be played a few times due to me doing something wrong) and it's heartbreaking at night when I'm on my own just looking at them :( I want to see the delight on her face when she does the above but she will not let me.
She is honestly good natured, in a stable environment and I am trying to give her the best start in life. Surprisingly the atmosphere between us in the periods between her shouting at me is fine (no treading on eggshells so to speak). When I ask her to stop she does stop 95% of the time after an almighty shouting fit but when she shouts she shouts and it doesn't seem to sink in that she shouldn't do it again as she starts again minutes later. It's a cycle and "here we go again".
I don't call her names when telling her off ("you naughty girl/you're not a nice girl") etc I just tell her that shouting is bad and to go to her room until she calms down.
How can I make her enjoy me as much as I want to enjoy her?

I've two dds and they would both crawl over glass to get to their daddy.

I think most three year olds can be quite bossy and like to gave things their own way. And she knows that of all the people in the world, her parents love her and so you are the people she tests things out with.

Have you tried just agreeing with her? In the games I mean not in ordinary life!

So when she says 'no the cat doesn't sit on the mat, it sits on the trombone' you say

'does it? Ok, sit on the trombone kitty. Now shall we give her some fish?'

'No, she eats carrots, not fish'

'Yummy. Here you go cat.'

Love the cat story
I definitely see what you mean, our conversations can go anywhere when we get into one so I could make a conscious effort to apply that more in toys.
Just want an hour or so of no "I'm not your friend!"

Sounds like great advice from SavoyCabbage. "Oops, silly Mummy got it wrong again - you'll have to show me what to do".

I think my response to "You're not my friend" would be "No, I'm your Mum, and I've got plenty of Mum things to do if you don't want me", though I'm not sure how constructive that would be ...

Good luck!

Love the cat story
I definitely see what you mean, our conversations can go anywhere when we get into one so I could make a conscious effort to apply that more in toys.
Just want an hour or so of no "I'm not your friend!"

I think savoy has good advice too. My DD never really plays with toys and also really likes to have things her own way and do things her own way. I try and make sure that there is half an hour a day where we play what she wants and the game goes completely her way within limits!!- (often ends up being bonkers!). I think a lot of it is about control really. I've learnt not to expect her to go along with my ideas much.
What does your dd get up to left to herself? If you left her alone in a room of things for kids what would she choose to do? Would she let you join in with her ideas?

3 is a challenging age and still very young for games perhaps? Ds just wanted to run around and bang things at this age!
It sounds like you are putting a great deal of pressure on yourself when in fact you are doing a great job.

Have you tried telling her she is making you sad by shouting, and telling her that you are trying to get things right but that you make mistakes? You d

Maybe you could try doing less with her too, rather than more? My dd is three and I don't do half the things you do! She plays the same kind of games with all her toys and just wants me to be there holding the doll/teddy/car etc and responding to her, rather than trying to be an active part of the game, if you see what I mean.

It does sound like there is a lot of pressure in the relationship, somehow, but I am sure she doesn't hate you.

I read somewhere that little girls have a "passionate love and at the same time a passionate hatred for their mothers". I think of that quite often when I am getting either covered in kisses or yelled at.

You sound like you're putting a lot of pressure on her to make you happy.

What do you mean you bought her toys so that you could play with them with her? Surely you bought her toys so that she could play with them?

And what's with the shouting? You say she's well behaved etc so why are you shouting at her?

Just leave her be. She's right, you're NOT her friend, you're her mum.

Children can be very ungrateful you know. I feel you are beating yourself up unfairly. She sounds a bit like my dd was -fiercely independent. Of course she doesn't hate you. Try chilling a bit. Let HER lead what she wants to do and dont take it so personally.