Toddler Smacking other Children

[samiep]

I am new to mumsnet and a bit nervous about starting this conversation!
I have just had a baby, he is now 2 weeks old and my 2 1/2 year old who has always been such a pleasure is beginning to turn into a nightmare. I am trying all the usual praise and have included him in everything.

I took him to his toddler gym yesterday and the baby woke up, he started to get very silly hitting the baby and when I told him off he screamed in my face and then started crying, luckily another mum took the baby away so I could sort out the situation. Anyway I thought we had gotten over that when all of a sudden he started hitting another little boy who was minding his own business. This isn't the first time this has happened since number 2 arrived. However, it only seems to be when we are around as the nursery say that he is not like that at all when he is there - thank god!

I don't want to keep nagging and saying no but just don't know what to do. Any suggestion more than welcome!

Sounds to me like an attention seeking behaviour. Your oldest child has had your full attention for the duration of his little life, and then all of a sudden, there is another little on vying for your attention.

If he is smacking other children, it is probably because he recognises that he will get a reaction from you, which is what attention is basically all about. Children unfortunately, tend to get more attention from their parents for doing something unacceptable, than they do when they are being good, although this is not true in all cases!! Just thought I'd add that in case anyone took offence!

Try involving him in the routines with your youngest, for example, fetching a nappy when you need to change him, or passing you the cream if you need it. Encourage cuddles with both your children at the same time, try reading stories, babies are never too young to be read to!

Explain to him that hitting other children isn't nice. If you have to tell him a million times, keep going with it, he'll soon get the message. Try not to react to the negative by telling him off, be calm and controlled but firm.

Also, keep going with the praise thing. It could be for something that you consider really simple, like sitting quietly watching the TV while you feed the baby.

Hope this helps!

Oh and welcome to MN too! I'm fairly new too, but don't worry about posting, it's what we're all here for!

Welcome to mumsnet to both of you. I hope you are finding your way round ok.

Another useful tactic is to turn to your child and firmly say no that's not nice, then turn your back on your child and make a fuss of the child that was hit.

When at home if my eldest smacks/snatches/pushes or anything else anti social she gets placed on the step/chair/in the corner for 4 mins (thats 1 min for each year of her life) at the end of the 4 mins she appologises I accept the appology and we get on with life. If she doesn't stay put I just return her until she accepts the consequence of her actions and stays there.

Another good one is to make a chart focusing on the things you want your child to do and award stickers with a suprise at the end of the week if x many stickers is achieved. Suprise doesn't have to cost money, it coud be a trip to the park.

Hope this helps.

That's a good point Mummyhill. Making a fuss of the other child shows your child that there will be some attention dished out, but it won't be in his favour or even directed at him.

Who needs suppernanny when you have mumsnet.

I watched it the other day for the first time as everyone kept asking me if I watched it as I had the same approach to looking after my monsters.

I have a 20 month old who sometimes hits

I just pick her up and move her, say 'no' firmly, and then, as has been said, give the other child attention

seems to be working - I started doing this after posting on mnet and that seemed to be the rough consensus way to go

my oh so charming 22 month old is pretty hot on the whacking people front. We've done the no thing and ignoring her, which seems to be the most successful, but you do seem to be at it all the time. blush
Even worse shes taken to hitting her granny who's recently started having her one day a week. not sure what to do about that as gran is fairly ineffectual at telling her off/dealing with it.
Is it ok when people keep telling you how 'lively' your child is?, or is that as bad as I think it might be?

my 2.4 yr old is the same however the hitting started before ds arrived so i know its not linked. i guess its just a phase as they are frustrated about things. weve been doing what others have said, time out and attention to the victim.
doesnt seem to work mind as she still hits.