help with dramatic 3yr old dd..........please

[Peridot30]

my dd has mega temper tantrums. the slightest hint of not being allowed/not wanting to do something sends her into the biggest temper tantrum. She screams, shouts and kicks. So defiant and pretends not to listen which i think annoys me the most. Feel im constantly telling her no! HELP!

Stay as calm as possible
Distract as often as possible particularly when you see a tantrum building up
Don't offer endless choices
Don't over negotiate
Don't expect too much of a three year old
Keep her busy and regularly topped up with (non-sugary) snacks

It's horrible but it will pass

bluejelly's advice is really good (something tells me it's the voice of experience!) I can only second the distraction thing, it really does work and I used to find that if I 'slipped' a bit and forgot to use it so much ds was more likely to have a tantrum....and basically do not attempt to talk to or negotiate with her when she is in full flow...ignore like mad, and/or give her three minutes or so in her room to calm down (but don't impose a rule that she has to say sorry, I don't think that's necessary of fair, she is simply having emotions she can't yet control and doesn't need to apologise in my view, she just needs to master her feelings)

be consistent - if you do this or whatever it is you choose to do EVERY time, this will help.

how do you distract if she is demanding or not allowed something? do you just change the subject? sorry for asking so many questions but never had this problem with ds who is 4.

just be dramatic yourself - fling yourself round the room going "oooh!!!! a bee, a bee, can you see him?where is he???!!!" or suddenly think you see a pony going by outside "oh no it was just a big dog!" or anything bizarre that breaks the mood, gets her attention somewhere else....or else suggest you do something you know she can't resist but you normally say no to, as in "no you can't have the precious ming vase but if you come with me now we can paint on the patio doors with our fingers like Smarteenies!!!!"

All these things I have done with success (and at the same time fearing a little for my sanity)

however you are only human, sometimes NOTHING works and then I think it's ignoring or to time out to calm down....just remember all 3 yr olds have tantrums sometimes......

hehehe! yes or "oooh whats that spider diong in our house??" walking away towards a wall..."oh no, its gone, where is it?" keep looking...
Works a treat, all things like that work like magic in our house.

Donbean, glad it's not just me doing odd things like that....

thanks for all your advice im sure by about 8 tomorrow morning i'll have tried a few of them if not all of them! fingers crossed they'll work.

'How not to be a pefect mother' by libby purves has got loads of good advice about how to deal with tantrums...
Might be worth a read

Well so far so good distraction really working not had any tantrums today......yet! hope we can both keep it up.

excellent news, long may it continue

reassuring that my dd3 is not on her own
off to search for libbys book
great thread
great advice
thanks peridot and blue jelly

another vote for the Libby Purves book from me, it's brilliant. It's good on the tantrum thing and I think she also says alot of good stuff about keeping some of your own life after having kids.

glad it's going well so far peridot!