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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Crap, Damn, Arse, Piss

50 replies

AussieSim · 01/04/2004 07:32

I spent an hour or so yesterday afternoon with an 8year old scottish lad from Manchester who is staying next door with his grandparents for a couple of weeks, here in germany. He helped me in the garden - he is bored stiff and fining it hard to make friends without being able to speak german. Later in the afternoon he saw me out front of my place planting some herbs and came to help me again. This is when he asked me 'Why do you swear all the time?' He then proceeded to tell me that Crap, Damn, Arse and Piss are all swear words. My first response was that I was Australian (which probably isn't all that relevant) and second was that I guess I would have to be more careful of my language as my DS (14mo) gets older.

I didn't even realise that my language had been inappropriate. I kind of think of the F word as swearing. In my defence I also think I have gotten a bit lazy given that most people hear can't speak english, or pretend not to be able to.

But... a guy tried to jump the queue at a shop where I was buying my DS and I lunch the other day (it was actually at an exhibition hall - must have been crazy to take DS along to Creativa). I was asking the shop assistant about the different items she had so I could choose something healthy for DS (who didn't want the jar I had brought along) and he says the equivalent of 'I want to get served TODAY!' to the woman serving me and I just turned in english and said 'F*k OFF'. I was feeling the pressure and the whole lack of ability to queue politely here just really annoys me.

Anyway, am I a terrible person/mother? When do I have to watch my language with my DS? How do I stop swearing if I don't even recognise it?

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papillon · 01/04/2004 20:12

I miss the bugger ad with dog falling off the toyota!!

Evita · 01/04/2004 20:20

I've curbed all my swearing which wasn't awful but was definitely present. Shit, bugger, oh fuck it, being the most frequently used ones. But my dd, 18 months, is such a parrot I can't risk it now and although it vaguely makes me smile to hear a toddler swear, I don't really like it. My little nephew who's the same age says 'oh fuck' whenever he falls over etc. and they all roar with laughter but something doesn't feel right to me about it. Am I just a square?

marthamoo · 01/04/2004 20:35

When I was 3, I was in a department store lift with my Mum and my new baby brother and two very well dressed, respectable old ladies. They were cooing over my brother in his pram, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was straining away and going very red in the face. One of them said to me "what do you think of your little brother then?" and I replied, "I think he's trying to crap." Mum said she wanted the ground to open up...

sibble · 01/04/2004 20:38

I don't swear that much, shit and shit it being my favourite words, but have made a huge effort not to use them after I dropped a plate full of dinner I had just cooked Ds (3 at the time) amazingly I didn't swear but DS promptly came into the kitchen and announced 'that's a shit it mummy isn't it'...I was speechless.
Interestingly DH swears like a trooper, any word and combination you can think of despite my nagging but DS has NEVER repeated once anything DH says!!!!

Chocol8 · 01/04/2004 21:06

Suziwong, you made me laugh out loud with what your DS1 said about his food - best laugh I had in ages.

I have just finished "Man and Boy" by Tony Parsons and that made me laugh out loud too. I have just lent it to a friend but there are some crackers in there too: the 4 year old who when something happened, his auntie said "they're evil rotters aren't they?" the lad replied "they're motherf***s". I nearly cried!
Sorry, had to share that with you.

Paula71 · 01/04/2004 22:44

DH really has to watch his language as he lets rip some corkers at times, and he swears too!

When I was about 5 I could read quite well (boring life as an only child) having read some grafitti I asked my mum "Mummy do punks f**k?"

Yes it was in the 70s!! Very timely and no she didn't know what to answer!

Jennyb851 · 02/04/2004 00:19

My ds aged 6 came home from school one day and said "mummy, a boy at school said a naughty word to me today" i asked what it was and he replied "i cant say because its a swear word but it begins with F, you know mummy, the one you say often". oops!

When he was about four we were in my moms car and his little voice from the back said "mummy, mummy". "yes" i replied turning around. He smiled sweetly at me and said "Call nanna a slut". My mom looked at me, i looked at her and there was a very awkward silence! i still have no idea where he got it from or what prompted him to try and cause a fight!

jampot · 02/04/2004 00:32

My dh has always possessed a full and varied range of swear words which get aired regardless of who is present. Luckily my kids (11 and 7) have not repeated (in my presence) anything they've heard. I've told my dd when she was having a little trouble with a lad in her class if she wanted to turn round and tell him to fuck off then that was fine as long as only the boy heard her and she it wasn't a licence to use the phrase gratuitously(she does speak ever so nicely) I see this as the same as introducing alcohol to kids!

Jennyb851 · 02/04/2004 01:40

you make me laugh jampot, are you the one from brum? maybe its our sense of humour round here

Jennyb851 · 02/04/2004 01:47

Yes of course you are, just looked at another thread i spoke to you on! stupid me, doh, slapping myself hard as i type

Levanna · 02/04/2004 23:44

I hadn't realised how bad my language can be until my DD started repeating 'select' words. DH and I had a bit of a tiff upstairs, and I threw an insult or two over my shoulder at him on the way down to DD (obviously didn't realise she would hear!).......and was met by DD in the lounge proclaiming 'Daddy's a W**er, Mummy!' (she was about 20 months at the time .) It really brought it home just how easily she can pick up words fom me. If I hear her repeating something she's heard, I never tell her off, just encourage her to use a different description, or, if she really wants to 'exclaim' I encourage 'Sugar!' as a substitute. It is difficult though, but definitely one I'm not about to make an issue of, otherwise, it'll be 'crap, damn, arse and piss' (amongst others!) from dusk 'till dawn.

juniper68 · 03/04/2004 13:45

I've started saying flip flop instead of f* and DS1 age 6 keeps calling himself a little sod to punish me for once calling him it. And he's always telling DH (who doesn't swear except at football) of me, little s**

essbee · 03/04/2004 14:11

Message withdrawn

Janh · 03/04/2004 21:10

I had 5 11-yr-old boys in the car this afternoon coming home from ds2's birthday party - they'd had a laser quest game - I said that the laser part was great but the food was crap (it was awful). There was a sort of inaudible intake of breath and then they all giggled and said something like "we can't argue with that word". Which suggests that maybe their parents are more careful with their language than I am!

bossykate · 03/04/2004 21:19

i swear loads. not in front of ds though - would just get repeated back to me pronto.

nimitor · 04/04/2004 22:57

I have started to say shiney buckets since my son said Shitty bollocks in front of my parents!!

rsv1000r · 05/04/2004 08:31

You have to accept that kids will pick up on what you and their friends say, so we have permitted swear words, such as damn and crap, but anything else is not allowed - if you ban it completely it will just make it more fun to say!

hatter · 07/04/2004 14:16

My eldest (nearly 4) knows tons of swear-words - but she also knows what they are and that she's not allowed to say them. I say never under-estimate kids' capacity to understand the subtleties of our world. She knows that all swear words are naughty infront of granny or teachers; that bloody and damn it are a bit rude, but if she's repeating something she heard elsewhere and as long as she whispers it in your ear she won't get told off; (she took great delight last night in telling me that Cat in the Hat says "damn" - whispered very very quietly into my ear) and although she knows pretty much everything else she won't say them and she'll tell us off if we do. Except for goolies. seems to be allowed for some reason.

She did go through a phase aged less than two of pushing it but she soon grew out of it. One memorable incident when in the bath:

DD "fk"
DH "no that's naughty"
DD "fk"
DH "stop that right now"
DD "f**k"
DH "right, say that one more time and I'll get you out of the bath and put you straight in your cot with no milk"
pause
DD "shit"

Sonnet · 07/04/2004 14:38

Suzywong - PMSL - can't read anymore, tears rolling down cheeks, sides hurting....

Freckle · 07/04/2004 19:32

I really laid into DS2 once when DS1 told me that he had said the "f" word. I was furious. DS2 as I have said is not averse to the odd swear word, so I really went to town on him. It was ages later than I realised DS1 had meant fart, not the other "f" word.

Tissy · 07/04/2004 19:58

You have to understand phonetic spelling for this one:

the girls of a friend were playing together, and the younger (about 4 or 5, I think) ran up to mummy and said, "Mummy! E said a rude word" Mummy-"Which rude word?" Girl- " F, Uh, Curly C, Kicking K!" Older girl ticked off, younger girl congratulated on her spelling!

willow2 · 08/04/2004 19:26

Not proud of this, but realised that the time had come to stop swearing whilst (should that be while? Pedants please advise) driving when ds started to say ffs when he couldn't get his toy car around corners. He was about 2 at the time. Fortunately he seems to have forgotten it all now that he's 4.

tolly · 21/04/2004 14:05

Bit older child from the rest in the thread, but while we are on the wrong words, my youngest DD is 12 but I heard her and her friends talking about their minges over the weekend. There was lots of giggling and I must admit they weren't trying to hide it although not being blatant about it either. They thought I was in a different room to where they thought.
The point is, that was the term my ex and I used for it, he is very North country, seems it is used up there a lot and I quite liked it, but it seemed wrong from her lips. Don't think we ever used in front of either girl.
I can't imagine they ever use the word vagina though. We taught them thingy, which is a bit stupid now to think about it, but it worked alright when they were little.

Nicholalady · 22/04/2004 20:20

My ds inadvertently caused me to stay in the house for about two months by mispronouncing the word cat to rhyme with punt.... He did it with bat as as well, so I don't think it was deliberate. The trouble was that he was at the stage of shouting words that he knew really loudly whenever he could. Whenever I saw a cat in the street I had to turn and run the other way!

Furball · 22/04/2004 22:03

Oh Nicholalady - I know exactly how you feel, it's only after careful coaching for at least 6 months DS can now say front. It's amazing how many times he actually needed to say the word.

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