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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Crap, Damn, Arse, Piss

50 replies

AussieSim · 01/04/2004 07:32

I spent an hour or so yesterday afternoon with an 8year old scottish lad from Manchester who is staying next door with his grandparents for a couple of weeks, here in germany. He helped me in the garden - he is bored stiff and fining it hard to make friends without being able to speak german. Later in the afternoon he saw me out front of my place planting some herbs and came to help me again. This is when he asked me 'Why do you swear all the time?' He then proceeded to tell me that Crap, Damn, Arse and Piss are all swear words. My first response was that I was Australian (which probably isn't all that relevant) and second was that I guess I would have to be more careful of my language as my DS (14mo) gets older.

I didn't even realise that my language had been inappropriate. I kind of think of the F word as swearing. In my defence I also think I have gotten a bit lazy given that most people hear can't speak english, or pretend not to be able to.

But... a guy tried to jump the queue at a shop where I was buying my DS and I lunch the other day (it was actually at an exhibition hall - must have been crazy to take DS along to Creativa). I was asking the shop assistant about the different items she had so I could choose something healthy for DS (who didn't want the jar I had brought along) and he says the equivalent of 'I want to get served TODAY!' to the woman serving me and I just turned in english and said 'F*k OFF'. I was feeling the pressure and the whole lack of ability to queue politely here just really annoys me.

Anyway, am I a terrible person/mother? When do I have to watch my language with my DS? How do I stop swearing if I don't even recognise it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FairyMum · 01/04/2004 07:37

I got a reality-check when my children started swearing like me. I had no idea I sore that much and of course they picked it up. Not very charming. I now try to minimise the swearing, but some still slips out I'm afraid......

miranda2 · 01/04/2004 08:14

I used to swear a lot, then last summer ds (then just 2) repeated 'bollocks' after me when we were in thegarden one day, and I have managed thereafter to make it 'bother'.... he hasn't sworn again so I'm hoping i caught it early enough to stave it off at least until he gets to school (then i can blame it on that!!).

misdee · 01/04/2004 08:33

when dd1 was about 2 years old i dropped and smashed a plate in the kitchen and said 'oh crp'. then i heard a little voice behind me saying crp over and over. i try not to swear, but sometimes in moments of heated conversation i do go off into swearland. but dd1 thinks words like poo-poo, wee-wee and bum are naughty words and rarely comes out with a swear word. tho she does sometimes say 'i need a p*ss' in stead of pee.

papillon · 01/04/2004 08:48

You are Australian AussieSim - you are supposed to swear lots!!!!

I said to dh when dd was first born and heard him flinging around the profanities .. that we should watch our language... but the penny did not drop and now I am singing this song to her...

Ma's out, Pa's out, Let's talk rude!
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
Dance round the garden in the nude,
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
Let's write rude words all down our street,
Stick out our tongues at the people we meet,
Let's have an intellectual treat for
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.

bugger

frogs · 01/04/2004 11:05

Pushing dd1 (then aged nearly 3) in the buggy some years ago now, tripped and twisted my ankle, and said what most people would say under the circumstances.

Little voice from the buggy: "Did you just say 'shit', Mummy?"
Mummy (apologetically): "Mm."
Little voice (severely): "That's a very rude word, Mummy, don't say it again."

suzywong · 01/04/2004 11:08

I gave DS1 his bedtime mill last night and he told me it was ;F*ing delicious'

Now that is all down to me and my florid adjectives.
Please don't tell social services I fully intend to clean up my act

Freckle · 01/04/2004 11:15

DS2 (8) has picked up a few unsavoury words (and not from me I should add). His worst insult to his older brother used to be "You big FAT IDIOT". These days he uses "You big FAT RSE". He knows that I don't approve. He wanted me to do something the other day and I wouldn't (we were walking to school with some other people), so he turned and said "Remember, I am* prepared to swear in public". So I said that that was fine as long as he was prepared to be punished in public.

We had teacher consultations last night and his teacher did mention that he is a little overfond of "toilet" humour. Just have to hope that he grows out of it.

Little b*gger

Jimjams · 01/04/2004 11:20

Recognise the problem. All my friends stopped swaering when their children started speaking (seemed to happen naturally). But I have amazing none talking children so my language has remained appalling. My friends with non-verbal children are the same.

DS2 is beginning to say a lot more now so I guess I will cleaning up my act in the near future.

Damm isn't a swear word- not is arse in my book (crap is though )

spacemonkey · 01/04/2004 11:24

I automatically moderated my language when my kids were toddlers. Now they are 10 and 12 I still don't swear in front of them if I can help it, although the odd word slips out when confronted with bad drivers on the road. They know all the swear words, they also know that it is inappropriate for them to use them - that's the main thing IMO - as long as they know that these words can cause offence to people, therefore shouldn't be used unless they are certain not to offend.

I say "crap" "bugger" and "arse" and so do my kids when we're behind closed doors. They tell me off for saying "twat". I would go ballistic if they said "fuck" or "shit" or anything similarly strong in front of me because it does offend me to hear my kids using those words, so they know not to do it.

Ramble ramble ramble

aloha · 01/04/2004 11:25

Learned from dh in car: "Where's the BLOODY CARPARK?"
'You a STUUUUPID Man'
Learned from me in the car.
"Oh bum, we are going the wrong way' (much delight and hilarity over this one)
"Damn. We're late. We are very late."
"Bollocks'
Also says, "oh my bollocks' a lot. And we really mustn't laugh.
Both trying to modify our language further. I honestly had no idea I said 'Bollocks' at all until ds started to copy me.

Original poster

AussieSim · 01/04/2004 11:59

I feel bad for the verbal kids I am around. Maybe their parents hate me. Maybe the little boy from yesterday went home and told his Grandma and now he won't be able to play with me anymore. Isn't it weird that he brought it to my attention like that or is that normal 8yo behaviour?

Maybe I could try the rubber band on the wrist trick. It worked for me once after some of the women working for me told me they didn't like me calling them darling and sweetie and so forth.

Thanks Papillon I should have know I could trust a Kiwi to confirm my worst fear, that it is just part of my culture to swear. BTW - Germans barely swear at all - drives me mad. The worst would be shiesse (shit) but I've rarely even heard people say that.

OP posts:

Galaxy · 01/04/2004 12:02

message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 01/04/2004 12:12

DS1 used to use the phrase (not learnt from me) "For f*s sake!" but only when driving his sit in car. I wonder what...?

I'm still laughing at the phrase "Maybe the little boy from yesterday went home and told his Grandma and now he won't be able to play with me anymore."

papillon · 01/04/2004 12:18

Hoch Deutsch is boring... its the dialects that have more colour.

here in Bern they call licorice - bear droppings!! hmmm YUMMY.

But yeh mostly if they want to swear they use English.

CountessDracula · 01/04/2004 12:37

Ah maybe that's why I swear so much - am half Australian AussieSim my response to the woman in the queue would have been identical (though I do LOVE saying "alright keep yer knickers on" as it isn't sweary rude but REALLY winds people up!!

motherinferior · 01/04/2004 12:41

We say Bum a lot. Masses.

And then we snigger.

kiwisbird · 01/04/2004 12:41

Aussie, you sound like my twin LOL
Maybe its an antipodean thing?
My son is 10 and doesn't swear, I have asked him to not repeat what I do, hypocrisy perhaps but it works, whether or not he swears as an adult I've yet to know. My mum has always had colourful langauge, but I know when to turn it off and speak proper...
I never use to at my kids though, I'm very careful not to direct it at them.. very careful indeed

nutcracker · 01/04/2004 12:45

My dp swears quite alot, and i have xplained to the kids that it is not nice and i donot wish to hear them using those words. Now if they hear him swear they tell him off.
I do swear too occasionally, shit is usually my favourite but i have been known to shout FFS when really pissed off . For some reason the kids don't seem to think there is anything wrong with me doing it so i don't get a telling off.
To this day, i still don't really swear in front of my mother. Whereas at my dads house it is quite normal to hear him and my brothers telling each other to pis off.

janinlondon · 01/04/2004 13:52

I am also Australian and guilty as charged - but to make matters worse I married a Scotsman, and they're just as bad! DD (4.5) just looks at her father sternly and says: laaaanguage!

momof2 · 01/04/2004 14:04

My DD says crap quite a lot, which I am unoffended by, but I hate "Oh God" and ask them both not to say it. Also hate "shut up" and "damn".
As both are into Annie at the moment there is a lot of "Oh My Goodness" at the moment and "what a crock" - courtesy of 3 men and a little lady

aloha · 01/04/2004 14:14

My ds says "Oh my word!" which I love because it's so old-fashioned.

Browbeaten · 01/04/2004 14:53

I used to swear fluently until I had children and was therefore a little upset when my 3 yo dd called me a stupid woman as she had heard me say it in the car. I felt better when my sister told me her 5 yo dd had called her a stupid fucker but she had heard this being said in the park. I am surprised dd doesn't say more as I am also married to a scot who doesn't know he is swearing most of the time.

Hulababy · 01/04/2004 14:58

DD (nearly 2) is a parrot and has been this past year now so I have to be really careful with what I say. She will repeat anythign and everything, and remembers - especially the reaction it gets. TBh I don't really swear anyway - as I teach I find it easier not to at all incase it just slips out in class - so mostly it's fine but even with the odd phrase - like bloody hell, damn, etc. I have to watch myself. As does DH. As for our friends - those without children we just warn in advnace

KeepingMum · 01/04/2004 14:59

Ds (nearly 3) always uses 'Oh my gosh and golly' which he learnt from an Elmer tape. I think I probably need to teach him something more profane as he will be teased unmercifully at playgroup

toddlerbob · 01/04/2004 20:08

"bugger" here is acceptable in NZ in advertising, as is "bloody" at most times of day. My 13 month old ds has recently started parroting words back with uncanny accuracy, so it's only a matter of time until my dh realises how bad his in car language is.

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