DS of 7 - very hard on himself and no patience

[Eve]

I am a little concerned about DS 1 who is 7 and just going into year 3 in that he seems to have no confidence in himself and his abilities.

He is very active and curious and like all boys into building dens, climbing trees etc but he just seems to give up and get very frustrated and tearful when things don't go as he wants.

For example tonight, I kept a huge cardboard box for him to build with and play in and he ending up kicking it in frustration as he couldn't make it into what he wanted. This then developed into an everything I do is useless rant!

Then we sat down to do some reading and he was going on about what is the point, I am stupid, I won't read it well etc etc.

I have always since he was little tried to make sure he is confident and happy and always tell him is he clever and handsome etc etc, and when he gets cross we rationally explain to him what he needs to do.

Anyone any advice on how to make him a little calmer and not give up so easily... or if no advice am I the only one with a DS like this?

your not the only one believe me . Focus on the positive . And arnt they more aggresive at this age . I think it has something to do with going into juniors . It is impressed upon them at how grown up they are now and they can put a show on for their mates but they dont have the confidence to believe in them selves and that might be quite scarry to a 7 year old little boy . He knows what is expected of him and he is not sure wether he has got the skills to do it , Give him time and lots of cuddles thats what Im doing .Best of luck

Eve, my son is only 5 but we have had bouts of frustraction and at times he feels very sorry for himself. Generally it is when he is very tired or has already had a number of challenges throughout the day. Then it is lots of cuddles (which can be difficult if he is in the "Mummy does not love me" mode) and trying to focus on something positive.

With school just restarting and moving into Juniors, your DS has a number of new things to contend with and maybe he wants reassurance that you appreciate his efforts and also that you think that he can cope with the challenges ahead.

I'm sure I've read somewhere that this is a trait of a first born (is he your first). I will try and find it and let you know what the advice is.

My friend has a young boy who gets angry at tasks and games etc - she cuddles him and asks him what colour his tummy feels like - red when angry, blue when calm etc. She gets him to count to ten with her when he feels red and when the colour goes back to blue, they try the task/game again. I don't have a young child myself, but it seems to work with her. Good luck

Thanks for the advice. I like the tummy colour approach.

When he gets frustrated and upset I give him lots of cuddles and we take calm down time with some nice quiet breathing.

He is generally a happy well rounded boy and maybe I am over concerned that he just seems to give up so easily and not have strong self confidence.

Wow - obviously my ds2 has a twin out there. Same age, same problems as yours exactly!

Just a separate point really about the positve praise and esteem boosting thing - I remember reading about a study where children were given a test that they had to repeat again later after being praised. The first group were told 'You are so clever, you did so well in the test' etc etc The second group were told 'you worked so hard, you put so much effort in, you didn't give up' etc etc.

The results on the repeated test showed the kids in the grpoup who were praised for being clever didn't do as well as the kids who were praised for trying hard.

I try to do this with ds2 but can't say it makes a noticeable difference!

Maybe you could ask him to do something that you know he could complete very easily to build up his confidence, like structured play where you get him to delegate tasks to you - like telling you where to cut out the door in the cardboard box for his den etc.
Around the home, maybe he could lay the table and decide who is going to sit where etc, I am sure young children feel as pressured as us adults sometimes because they want to make their mark on the world!
Good luck with everything you try...God, I've got all this to come!!!!

We have this with our ds too.
Agree with all the advice here - positive reinforcement of effort made, work put in, and sometimes it can help to remind them gently that no-one can be good at everything, and then remind them of stuff they have done well at recently.
I hate to hear a child of this age call himself stupid, especially as that is not a message he is getting from home so sympathies.
And agree totally at the strength of the angsty rage. We have drawings screwed up and chucked about histrionically sometimes
I do also think that however glad they are to be back at school, seeing their friends etc, September is a transitional month when the changes are bound to cause a bit of stress and fatigue