Sisterhood looming for my mummy's girl

[LilP]

Does anyone have any advice for managing the needs of your first child when your second comes along?
I'm 22 wks pregnant and my daughter is very loving towards the bump and already talks about our family as mummy, daddy, me and the baby without any prompting from us. However, she is the biggest mummy's girl there is going (she's 3). When I'm around she won't really let Daddy do anything with her or for her apart from play on the iPad or watch TV. He can take her out for whole days on his own, but when I'm there, he doesn't get a look in. She will scream and cry when I am unable to give her attention. I'm so anxious about how my life will be when dc2 comes along. I keep thinking that we will all be in tears all the time and that I will not get a minute to myself. I don't want the fact that my first child is so attached to me to mean that me and my second aren't so well bonded. Is there anything I can do now to help prepare dc1 for expecting more care from daddy? He does really try, but she kicks against it, which is upsetting for him too. Need advice!

I don't have any advice as I am in exactly the same situation but bumping for you!

Present it as something really exciting and don't meet trouble half way. So be very sensitive to her needs but don't necessarily voice them as a problem.
So when you're feeding the new baby ask her to sit with you and read her a story, rather than always put a DVD on (although that'll happen too!)
What will happen when you're in labour?

I'll either be having a home birth or my Mum will camp out with us until labour starts and she will look after her while I'm away. Not so worried about all that. As I said, she's fine with others when I'm not around. But when I am around, I'm always first choice. I think she will like being involved with nappy changes and I will definitely try to get close time in with her when baby feeds or sleeps. Tbh, I am expecting it to be difficult for her but I'm not vocalising that to her. I am mainly wondering what I can do now to help, so that she looks forward to and enjoys it when Daddy does things with her and for her. At the moment, she won't even let him get her drink or take her to the loo when I'm around, even if I'm busy. Maybe we just need to ignore the tears and shouting and say it's Daddy or no one. But we don't usually subscribe to that way of doing things and have found a gentler way that works out better in the end, but this time I really don't know what to do. I think, although dc2 isn't due till end of Nov, that encouraging her to be ok with Dad (for more activities than the goggle box) all feels quite urgent. I am terrified that my life will be hellish when I should be able to enjoy and nurture my second child, alongside my first.

We've just had dd2 (10 days ago!) with a very clingy dd1 2.6 yo. I had all the same concerns but so far it's been much better than we expected. Dd1 is very loving towards her sister and loves helping me out so I ask her to fetch a nappy or the change mat etc. We make sure that dd1 gets lots of cuddles and mummy time when dd2 is asleep.

So I'd try not to worry too much, I certainly worried too much about it. Dd1 is adapting really well, we are a lot less stressed now dd2 is actually here!

I think you also worry a lot about the very special relationship you have when you and your first child are a special team of two much of the time. But what you're giving them - a sibling - is such an important thing. Don't worry about sibling parity too much when the baby's little - tell your DD1 she's your special girl and your favourite thing etc etc during the first two months - and then gradually bring in the concept that you love them both equally. That way she won't feel like she's losing something. This wouldn't work for a much older child - who would be likely to remember your words - but for a 3 year old it's about how it makes them feel.

Thankyou TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle and good idea Longtalljosie