Does anyone have experience of having a trans-gender child?

[tootsweets]

I'm really struggling at the moment. School are fantastic but I have no-one else with the relevant experience.

I don't have any useful advice, but just want to send you my best wishes tootsweets.

You sound like a fantastic mumtoots

I hope you and your son get the help and advice you need

Toots I am Totally go smacked at some of the ignorant and insensitive comments above . I have reported a couple if their posts . Those who expressed a marked lack of understanding of what trans gender is please could you refrain from posting such insensitive comments

No experience of my own child but I have taught 3 trans students this year. None of us batted an eyelid and neither the boys or girl faced any negativity that we are aware of. 2 were very open, disclosed at enrollment and brought it up in conversation / in class.1 was less confident but really flourished this year.

Not sure why I'm posting really - I suppose just to let you know that the lovely students I've worked with wer accepted without question into classes of mixed nationality students living in a tough northern part of the world. And rightly so.

I know a boy, now 13, who changed his name in Yr 6 to a girls name and stood up in assembly and explained to the entire year group and in fact each yr why he had changed his gender identification. She is now finishing yr 8 and to all accounts the transition has been successful.

What I know:

• E has been supported by the schools that she has been to, allowing E to use disabled toilets for changing etc.. even before she formally announced her new identity
• E played was allowed to play with girls from an early age / wore her hair long, wore girls clothes etc..
• the kids took it all within their stride, as far as I am aware no bullying - when she announced her new identity it seemed so obvious
• she is part of a strong, supportive family
• E has good female friends and is a very confident young person

Good luck, you sound a very strong mum

Dear Toots
I think you are wonderful and your son is so lucky to have you as his mum. I wish you all peace and gd wishes on your journey and I feel sure that with you to guide and love him you will all come through a difficult part of your lives.
I wish that my parents had been clear that actually their love was conditional on me being the person they wanted me to be.

I feel ashamed and disgusted at some of the bigoted nasty hurtful comments on here from narrow minded transphobic posts that have been pit in your thread

Love and best wishes

Thank you. At the end of the day we should all feel comfortable with ourselves. As an outsider 7 does seem young to be making sweeping statements, but I now know from my child's experience how isolating and unhappy it can feel to be in the 'wrong' body. We are starting extremely slowly and he can always turn back. It is just lovely to see him smile again.

toots I can't imagine what it is like for all of you as a family to get your head around something which must be complex. I'm not able to offer any advice and I'm totally naive about how it all works. I just think you're an amazing mum. Your children are all so lucky to have you! I hope your little boy keeps smiling.

You sound very sensible and supportive, toots. And open, which is the main thing at this stage. I was worried because I've seen articles about parents who seem so determined to be seen to be doing the right thing that they seem to even push their gender dysphoric child into medical procedures pre-puberty. Nothing wrong with exploring gender at this age or transitioning without any medical intervention. But any kind of body-altering procedure for any child (be it transgender or any other manifestation of body dysphoria) seems a big mistake.

But you seem to have a fantastic attitude. I wish you and your son all the best.

I still have to wonder if so many people would feel the need to transition if gender weren't such a rigid social construct, though. If it really made no difference to anything - dress codes, behavioural expectations, career prospects - if you had male or female genitalia....

I appreciate that because your child is happy now you feel you've cracked it and hit the solution, but I really feel seven is way too young to be labelling your child trans.

I wanted to be a boy when I was seven. I was unhappy with being a girl, genuinely so and I avoided any and all things even remotely girly.

I'm an adult now who is totally at peace with being female and I am SO glad that no-one picked me out as a trans child - it would have been so much harder for me when I got older and started to accept that I was a girl and that being a girl is okay.

I'm glad your family is getting support.

Also I wanted to say, too that you sound lovely and I wish your family all the best.

Also (sorry for triple post!) really when I look back now it was other things I was unhappy about as a child and I just pushed all that hurt and confusion on being a girl and thinking that if I wasn't a girl things would have been better.

That's exactly how it was for me too, TeWi. I lived up trees in my brother's clothes and cursed the fact that I was a girl. I wanted to be a boy with every fibre of my being. I'm very happy and comfortable as a woman now.

But perhaps the difference is not wanting to be a boy, but instead knowing you're a boy? Like the toddler upthread who identified with the "other girls", rather than wanting to be a girl.

I have issues around this whole thing to be honest and I do agree with Annie. But again, I have never been through that or know someone who has been in the situation. So I could be ignorant on that part.

But to the OP, there are some great organisations like what the posters have told you. I'm surprised CAMHS are doing a good job supporting you and your child. There have been ALOT of complaints about them! But glad your getting the support anyway.

for you, op, and for the posters who can't get their heads around such a young transgender child: please watch this

it made me cry with love for the whole family when I first watched it.

perhaps this is a phase, perhaps it isn't. you seem to have a brilliant parenting approach, toots, and your children are so lucky to have the emotional security you're providing for them.

Sounds like you are doing great. I would recommend asking your GP for a referral to the child mental health services. In our area they give support and assess children with 'gender identity disorder' (diagnostic term). It is true some kids 'grow out of it' but for some it is a long term thing to come to terms with for all involved.

Hey Tootsweets, only just came across this thread. I'm currently going through this with my Teenage DD. Just wondered how things are with you and your son now?