Constantly grumpy baby - SOS!

[abiabiabi]

My DS is nearly 8 months old and is unhappy all day, every day. He has been this way since birth. He cries or 'whines' from the minute he wakes 'til the moment he is asleep at night. I think his behaviour is particularly acute at the moment due to frustration at his inability to walk or crawl. I think he will be happier once he can do one or the other but unfortunately he screams and rages so much when he is on his tummy or trying to pull himself up that he will not persevere with either. It's a real battle to get him to smile or laugh and he will quickly become unhappy again. He only really seems happy when he is being held or is in the baby carrier...I hold/ carry/ cuddle him as much as I can (for both of our sakes!) but have to put him down for floor play or he'll just turn into a vegetable and my back will give way! As soon as he is on the floor he cries or whines. Nothing I do makes him happy. I have to be sitting right by him or he screams blue murder (even if I stand up). He is, and always has been, extremely 'clingy', and I can't/won't leave him to cry when I go to the other side if the room as he will have a full blown rage and from there, is almost impossible to calm. On the plus side, he sleeps well (but will only ever scream himself to sleep), eats well and will settle with other people (as long as he has their undivided attention and can't see me). DH is great and gives me a break but it's still me dealing with him 90% of the time.

I love him dearly but am finding his behaviour so difficult that I'm starting to lose my sanity. He is so very precious to me but frankly I'm looking forward to going back to work (p/t). Doctors/HV say there is nothing wrong with him and I think it probably is his personality. I feel such a failure to have raised such an unhappy baby and don't know what I have don't wrong. I'm not so much looking for advice as reassurance that he will get easier as he gets older and (please god) won't end up such a hard to please toddler/child. I feel like I've lost all hope - it just gets worse as he gets older.

I can completely empathise, to some degree. My DS1 (now aged 4) was a VERY grumpy and unhappy baby. He cried and grizzled nearly all of the time, would only sleep if being held, and nothing seemed to make any difference. The longest period he ever slept for was 2 hours straight. I was completely exhausted! I literally had to carry him in a sling everywhere - I'd even have to go to the toilet still carrying him in a sling!

I lost count of the times that I took him to see the HV and doctor who constantly kept telling me there was nothing wrong with him. But I just felt that something was.

When he was 4/5 months old I took him to see a craneal osteopath. It cost 31 for a 45 minute session and it was the best 31 I've ever spent in my life! DS1 had a traumatic birth (2 hours of pushing, a failed ventouse and eventually forceps). The osteopath said that the plates in his skull were locked together and not freeing up as they should as your baby grows. With some REALLY gentle manipulation (just using her fingertips) she was able to "guide" his skull plates back into place and the result was having a different son! That night, he slept for 10 hours straight, the following night for 13 hours straight and we never had another disturbed night's sleep afterwards. It really was miraculous. I remember the first time my HV saw him after his treatment and she couldn't believe the difference. He went from being a really clingy, irritable baby to a happy, smiley one.

I don't know if you had such a traumatic delivery, but even a "normal" one can cause issues such as headaches, which my son was obviously suffering with. If you think a craneal osteopath might help your son, just look for osteopaths in your area, and give them a ring and ask if anyone practises craneal osteopathy on infants. It's got to be worth a go.

Thanks so much for getting back to me...unfortunately, we tried 4 sessions with the osteopath without any noticeable success. I know several people who have found it very helpful though ...

Ps. He still has to come to the toilet with me. I just tried leaving him to use the loo and he screamed solidly for 10 mins :(:(

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but it may make you feel a bit better to hear that my little girl was exactly the same as a baby (except she was also a terrible sleeper!) but as a toddler she's a delight. Seriously, she's just a joy, and so easy compared to my friends' kids of a similar age - she's so happy, hardly ever tantrums, really good at entertaining herself, it's hard to believe she was once such an unhappy, difficult baby.

Have you tried something like a jumperoo or a door bouncer? He would be upright, and able to bounce under his own steam. There was a period of time where the jumperoo was the perfect thing for my DS, kept him happy for a while so I could cook etc.

Oh no :( Was it the same osteopath you saw each time, or did you try a different one?

I really don't know what else to suggest other than all the techniques out there for "separation anxiety". i.e. cover your face with a blanket and say "where's mummy?" and pull the blanket away. Hopefully he'll laugh, then do it again but make him pull the blanket away. Then try and do peek-a-boo from behind a door. If he laughs, try leaving for a split second longer.

Do this a couple of times each day, gradually over the days increasing the time you hide.

Is there anyone else he likes to be with othe than you? Perhaps rope them in for some extra help. Let them "look after" him for 10 minutes while you pop to the shop. A few days later increase this time to 20 minutes, and so on. Just baby steps. Slowly, slowly, catchee monkey.

Good luck x

Thanks all for your advice. BookofRuth, that's exactly what I need to hear - fingers crossed DS will be the same. We have a jumparoo and door bouncer...he'll do maybe 10 mins in them but, again, only if I'm right by him. Unfortunately, I don't know too many people locally but can travel a little way if needing help for my sanity!

I wish he was a bit easier, just some of the time!!! It seems like everyone else gets such east babies.

Try a different osteo. And give it a chance. 4 sessions is not a lot imo.

My DD was like this. We found she had multiple allergies (cows milk, egg wheat etc) and once they were removed from her diet she was so so so much happier. The difference is immediately noticeable.

If he's sleeping (during the day too?) and eating well and doesn't appear to have any medical issues...is he bored possibly? I only suggest that as dd was often miserable and clingy when it was just the two of us at home but was a delight whenever I took her out to playgroups etc. Cue everyone saying what a happy baby she was and not noticing I was in the depths of despair (she was a poor sleeper).

It's tricky when you have to do housework/chores etc too, babies that age often dont occupy themselves for long. Dd is so much easier as a toddler (2.3), things really improved when she started to crawl/walk and then talk. I sometimes wish I could have had my maternity leave now instead. Hang in there, it will get better. If you can possibly get anyone to help, do.

(We did try 3 sessions with a cranial osteopath when dd was a baby, didn' make any difference. I don' know anyone in RL who has seen a real difference from using one tbh.)