Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Anger vs discipline

5 replies

Woolyheads · 14/07/2014 09:29

My 4 yr old has just told me that I shouldn't shout because then I won't get treats. Fair enough. And I'm glad he's learnt this. However I want him to shout if someone hurts him, not be compliant to get a treat. How do I teach these seemingly contradictory things to him?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

livelablove · 14/07/2014 13:59

You could ask him "can you think of a time when it is ok to shout?" Let him come up with a few ideas and then if he didn't think of it say "what about if someone hurts you? Should you shout then?" maybe add a few others too like if you are outside and need to call someone far away, at a football match etc. Then you could say "and when do we need to keep quiet to get treats?" and go through a few of those times. You could even do when to keep really quiet and whisper; like in the library, if someone is sleeping etc.

CharlesRyder · 14/07/2014 14:09

Do you mean he should shout if a stranger hurts him? If it's a playmate wouldn't it be better if he said 'stop please, you're hurting me'?

Is it not ok to shout exuberantly when playing?

Maybe 'indoor voice and outdoor voice' is a better yard stick.

Isn't the point that you were shouting and he didn't like it? Maybe consider better modelling of behaviour?

Sillylass79 · 14/07/2014 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Woolyheads · 14/07/2014 21:16

I was hurt by a stranger in front of my child. I did angry upset shouting. He was upset and afraid. Today he raised it with me that I shouldn't shout or I won't get treats. And in other circumstances this is right. But if he is being hurt I want him to shout. Like I did. To a 4 yr old I can see how this is contradictory. But I want him to shout out if he is being hurt, not be compliant so he gets treats. How do I teach him the difference when it seems the same to him. I am happy with the behavior I am modeling.

OP posts:

livelablove · 14/07/2014 21:31

Sorry to hear you were attacked. I expect he was scared and is thinking about why it upset him. I think you should try to reassure him and talk about his feelings. You could say that it is unusual to be attacked and you were unlucky, but if it does happen it is important to shout out for help. But he probably just wants lots of reassuring and to know he is safe.

Flip