Help on how to deal with my six year son's change of behaviour

[Graham999]

I need help on the best way to discipline my six year old son.

My son has been getting into a lot of trouble recently. In the lest three months or so his teacher has informed us of bad behavour. One which was totally unacceptable. He went under a desk and touched a girl. He says it was an accident and he was trying to get his pencil. I was really disgusted by this. He also recently said a boy touched him. He told the boy off but didn't mention it to the teacher, even though we have told him to report it if it happens.

Prior to the last three months he was not in trouble as school and always got awards for been helpful and for good behaviour, so this is quite hard to take.

My wife has smacked him and has taken away tv, toys and computers from him. His punishment is to stay in his room from when he gets back from school to bed time and all weekend. He is not permitted in the living room and can only play with his sisters when they go to the room to play with him. He has very little to do in the room and I am concerned that this is extreme. I am afraid that this may be affecting him psychologically. My wife wants to do this for s prolonged period of time and it concerns me. I have gone into the room to see him on a few occasions and he looks dejected

I have spoken to my wife about this extreme measure and the effect it could have on him. Unfortunately we disagree on this. My wife believes it will give him time to think of what he did. I reminded my wife that he is six and this punishment is extreme and we need to engage him rather than use this type of extreme punishment. Unfortunately we cannot agree.

I want my son punished but I do not want him damaged from this extreme punishment, especially since it is going to likely be for at least a week.

I should be grateful if anyone can please suggest the best way to approach this issue. I want his behaviour to change and I don't want to fall out with my wife over it

Oh dear. How often is she punishing him like this? It will make things worse!

Your wife is abusing your 6 year old little boy.

Are you for real?!!

I agree with you, your wife's punishment is much too extreme and unlikely to have the desired effect. Your son will feel rejected and unloved. I think you need to figure out what changed 3 months ago. Was he sexually abused, maybe worse than he is reporting? Is he being bullied? That might explain the drastic change in behaviour. He might not be able to connect his bad behaviour to whatever happened so can probably genuinely not tell you why he is behaving the way he is.

Have you talked to him quietly, without making a big fuss, about the differences between boys and girls, and the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching?

How does the school react to his transgressions? He should be disciplined there and you and the school must be on the same page. What sort of things is he doing?

Maybe suggest to your wife that you should read some parenting books together and try to figure out the best way to help your son. I haven't read this book but it is often recommended on these boards and I've just ordered the teen version for myself.

Is it the touching episode that your wife is primarily reacting to? One wonders why that would cause such an extreme reaction - was she ever the victim of abuse?

Oh dear god I hope this isn't true. Your poor son.

Something has obviously happened to make his behaviour change so suddenly and the incidents you describe are obviously concerning. The type of punishment you describe is cruel and totally unacceptable. What on earth do you think you're teaching him??

He's not going to suddenly learn how to behave and what's right and wrong no matter how long you leave him, it's your job as parents to teach him.

You just intervene and protect your son from being treated like this by your wife. That punishment is vile.

*must

"Something has obviously happened to make his behaviour change so suddenly"

I wonder if it's your wife and her clearly abusive methods of raising children that are contributing to this change.

However I note that you have a user name that is similar to many trolls currently being unpleasant on the boards, i.e. a man's name followed by a few numbers so I am not sure how seriously to take this thread.

Oh for gods sake, really OP?

Firstly, NickiFury, Graham is my real name. I didn't really have time to make one up. I was desperate to get some advice on how best to deal with this issue. I assure you I am not a troll.

Thank you all so much for your messages. I intervened this morning and it was not a pleasant conversation. I also took my son aside and we spoke at length and decided on a reward system where I reward him for good behaviour and take away any rewards for bad behaviour. I am speaking with him more in the hope that he will tell me if there is an issue at school.

I am also planning to spend more time with him and find activities that he and I can do together such as sports for kids.

My wife's concern is that the school may decide to exclude our son from school. She is a fantastic mother. We don't very often disagree on the kids.

While not wanting to make an excuse for my son, but the teachers seem to react to little things. Last week he was reported for laughing as he was sitting down when he was told to sit down. When we asked him he said he remembered something silly that Bernard did from a children's program he watched the previous evening.

There are many children that seem to be on bad behaviour report in the class and it is increasingly making question the competency of the teachers if so many misbehave.