1-2-1 time with children

[wishingonastar123]

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this but I was just wondering how many families manage to get 1-2-1 time with their kids? Especially those with a few kids?

We have 4 children, 2 living with us full time and 2 children from my DH's past marriage.

Step children are 7 and 9 and they are in need of some time alone with their Dad, especially 7yo DSS.
But it seems easier said than done, I honestly don't know when we can manage it.
They are with us every other weekend, I work all day Saturday until late so DH has 4 kids on his own and Sundays we're often visiting Grandparents or go for a family day out or I'll be doing chores whilst DH entertains the kids...just normal family stuff really.

I was wondering how important it is to get 1-2-1 time and how they manage to fit it in?

With my own 2, my 5yo DS very rarely gets any alone time with me apart from school holidays when DD goes for a nap. And when DD starts school I can't see that she will get any alone time with me either.
But I suppose because the step kids don't see their Dad as much we feel a bit guilty and feel like we should be making the time for them to get some alone time with him.

I think where there are two parents it's doable (not always easy maybe) to give the DC a bit of one on one time.

In your situation all you need to do is clear every other Sunday morning or afternoon. It's not that difficult. DH can spend time with DSS, if he needs that, whilst the rest of you visit Grandparents or while you do jobs and the DC entertain themselves. You need to make sure that all the DC get what they need though, equal although not necessarily the same.

This is something I'm becoming aware of now with DC3 on the way (already have DS1 (4.8) and DS2 (3.0)), as I've been wondering how I'm going to find the time to be with each of them, on their own.

I've been reading a few parenting books recently and they suggest just 15 minutes 1-2-1 time with each child, every day, is enough to keep that connection. They also suggest that you make it official and tell your children that they have this special time and call it "insert-their-name-here time" (i.e Chloe-time, Harry-time, etc)

Can you stagger bedtimes with your own two so that while you're putting DD to bed, hubby can be with DS. Then the next night swap over, so he puts DD to bed while you spend some time with DS. A recent book I've read suggests that you and the child take it in turns each day deciding what activitity to do during your 1-2-1 time. On his day, he might want to play with a certain toy with you. When it's your turn to decide, you might decide to read a favourite book together.

With your step children, you could take care of one of them with your own two while their Dad spends a bit of time with just one of his. Then swap. Then if you want to spend some alone time with his kids, he takes care of the other 3 while you get some time alone with one of them. I don't think you need to set aside much time. As I said, two different books I've read suggest that 15 minutes is enough. Obviously this isn't possible daily with the step children, but just having some alone time on a regular, fixed basis will be enough to let them know how much you care.

I agree, 15min each day is enough and should be easier to facilitate than a chunk of the day. I need to do this with ds now his sister has come along, but confess I often lack the energy, and more crucially the patience, to do it.

I can't do the 15 minutes a day but we do make an effort sometimes to- split up and take different children with us. Can be something simple like going for an icecream, or doing something that is important to them. We have called it '[name]-time' in the past too.