I have broken all the rules re mealtime discipline!

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DS (now 2ys 8 mths) has had TERRIBLE mealtime disciplne, which all started ages ago when he was constantly poorly and I tempted him to eat in front of a video. As soon as he could crawl/walk, he has never wanted to sit still for ANYTHING esp food, and although he will eat a wide range of food and isn't especially fussy, he would just escape, climb down and refuse to eat after the first few mouthfuls sated his immediate feeling of hunger. In the Autumn the HV said he was underweight, and I have been getting increasingly BORED with him not having a settled eating routine. I have read numerous sensible and sensitive advice on what to do, (such as 'don't make an issue of it'but two weeks ago I decided enough was enough, and just FORCED him to sit on my lap until he had eaten a proper meal. He squirmed and struggled to begin with (for about 3 meals) and I just said 'no, we're sitting here and having our dinner'.

Anyway, it seems to have worked. He will now sit at the table and eat 75% of his dinnner, no video, just active conversation. Have I got away with bad parenting - or will it come back to haunt me!?

this is what the Telegraph thinks of you!

Cheers for that dino!!!
Mind you, not sure whether the TV or the food was the main issue - ds has a very healthy diet, nuggets sometimes yes (well, turkey dinosaurs which I'm sure you'd approve of), but no chips - carrot sticks, broccoli, peas, baked beans, cheese, yoghurt, pasta, pesto, salami/ham in various combinations most nights (gets breakfast and lunch at nursery). The thing is he comes back from nursery at about 6 knackered, so all he wants to do is veg out for a bit in front of cbeebies bedtime hour, which seems fair enough to me. (though we did go to the park yesterday, and sometimes he demands playdough or painting or something, but usually is quite tired). We ought to eat at the table at weekends i guess, but having done the lounge thing all week its hard to enforce a different rule - and dh and I prefer to sit and read a book while eating anyway...
Bad mum hat firmly on, i shall slink off...

Don't stress it Miranda - they'll train ds at nursery

I stress that's the Torygraph's opinion, not mine!

Seriously, DS1 used to eat in front of the telly when he was younger, but now he and DS2 eat their tea at the table every night. I wouldn't stress about it.

Miranda, that's what happens when women go into the Church instead of being be-hatted vicars' WIVES

I swear ALL dd1's social skills, from Peeze and Fankoo onwards, were learned at childminder.

Articles like that must just be there to make 70 year old Victor Meldrew Telegraph readers feel smug. We eat at the table all together and dp cooks very nice, healthy home cooked meals (mine are admittedly a bit more questionable) yet ds displays every single one of their criteria for terrible meal time behaviour. He is also outrageously conservative about trying new things though if we can get him to have one bite (coercion, stealth, while he's got his mouth open screaming etc) he'll usually quite like it. He's also only 17 months so I know that there's huge potential for further decline. Think that these people have just forgotton what toddlers are like. Luckily ds is helping to reeducate them as he's no better at his grandparent's than he is at home
Like you mears (mean like you did - know your children are older)we don't go to restaurants either, it would hardly be a relaxing way to spend a couple of hours and lots of money. Can't help thinking that the people who write these articles about how eating out would improve children's social skills would throw a fit if we actually holed up with our noisy, friendly, curious, messy toddler.

Well I am sure that I will be able to make you all feel better. My dd (nearly 4) is a terrible eater - all meals eaten in front of the telly - usually me feeding her just to make sure that she actually eats something. Unfortunately she is usually eating on her own as DH gets home too late and i don't want to eat at 5 o'clock.

Reading this thread has made me determined to be a DPN. I will try to cook fo us both and eat together at the table - DH can sort himself out. If you see a loony looking woman wandering around the supermarket repeating this mantra to herself again and again you will know it's me.

Is DPN a new MN classic, or something that I have missed previously? I love it!

The Telegraph's assumptions are lazy and banal - that it is all down to Mothers 'trying to hold down a job'....no analysis of any of the other chnages, demands on time, preferences...Does no-one else buy ready meals or nuggets? Do Dad's sprawled out eating in front of the footie have no influence? The constant availability - and relative affordability - of snacks compared to previous generations, housing where there is no room for a table, and, changing priorities - perhaps we don't all need to feel that our kids have to be regimented at the table! (tho' obviously I do, and am now a DPN in full cloven-hoofed regaila )

Thanks for all your v interesting observations - and Evita, don't worry!

I buy chicken nuggets but only the "For Georgia's Sake" or Tesco's own brand organic ones, because I read an article somewhere saying that all the other brands are quite dodgy.

We also buy organic beefburgers and chickenburgers.

I didnt read that whole article....if myds didnt eat his dinner in front of the tv, he wouldnt eat...so what would they rather have a starved child ???

It doesnt really bug me though as he will sit and eat while watching telly...that has to count for something ?

Bl**dy Torygraph.

My child eats in front of the telly, on her own little table because she a different teatime from us. I object to the inference that if your child eats in front of the telly they eat poorly. Yesterday the sluglet had organic, free range suasages, carrot sticks and afters of blue cheese on crackers with grapes. Her restaurant behaviour puts a lot of adults to shame. She will try absolutly anything. I'm of the opinion that if she tries and dosen't like it, then fair enough, but there's no excuse for not giving something a go at least once. Having said that, the only thing's she's ever actively rejected have been tofu and vegetarian sausages.

Arrrgh I must be double bad mother as I have a telly IN THE KITCHEN specifically to distract my 2 whilst I shovel food in. Otherwise, I'm not sure they would eat so well. Oh dear. Harks back to time when ds1 was small and could ONLY get him to eat by saying "Look theres Tinky Winky" Shovel.

Mind you, they are quite well behaved in restaurants etc so don't see how the Torygraph argument stacks up.

Probably do rely too much on convenience food, a habit I would like to break but am unlikely to with numero 3 on the way shortly.

my 2 yo dd eats at the table, or on a washable mat in front of the telly, depending on whether we are eating as well. Where she eats doesn't have much of an impact on what she eats- if she doesn't want it, then Cbbebies aren't going to make her changer her mind!

I would like to say, though, that yesterday, when I (kindly) reprimanded her for trying to feed fromage frais to Barney the Dinosaur (at the table)She said "Sorry Mummy, say sorry Barney!" Which is not bad for a two year old. Nursery must be having some kind of effect on her.

lol, ds eats (or should i say is offered - bitter, mirthless laugh) healthy food at the table, no tv, but is not a joy in restaurants! a lot of different issues all mixed up together, methinks.

Um, it isn't the Telegraph making these assumptions - it's Mother&Baby magazine! Torygraph is just reporting them.

Dd2 has sometimes eaten breakfast at a little table, and watched tv, but she's reverted to the kitchen table now. I admit I wasn't keen on her tv/eating habit as it seems very antisocial and we miss out on a family time together. Dinner time, in particular, is when we talk about what has been happening and so on.

We've always taken the family to restaurants. Ds2 was our biggest challenge as he loved food from the word go and would start to scream as soon as he saw anyone eating!! To get round that we used to place our order before we entered the restaurant itself. They would then call us when our food was about to be put on the table, which minimised the amount of shriek-time.

lol motherinferior - probably hooliganism in society in 10 years time will be blamed on women becoming priests!!!! I can see the torygraph now...
' Hooliganism and antisocial behaviour has risen by 23% in the last 15 years, and the number of teenagers in police custody by 64.5% since 1994. In 1994, of course, the first women were ordained priest by the Chruch of England, and since then aroudn half of all clergy are now women. Many of these have young children which they don't devote enough time to, and of course they set a bad example to the rest of society by making it seem as if the church approves of working mothers. Coincidence, or not? Anne Atkins investigates.'

Well I'm obviously a DPN. I've always made DS eat at the table with us at 6.15-6.30 pm. Even on the days when he's been to nursery and had tea at 4.00 pm there already! Do tend to give him a smaller portion then. I have a photo of one occasion when he was younger and fell asleep into his tea in his highchair.

But obviously this thread has shown that everyone's children are different and the survey seem to over-simplify and mix up issues.

LOL Miranda.

The thing is I feel we ought to eat at table and its really naff not to! But dh doesn't get back from work til ds is in bed, and we want to eat together, so of course ds eats alone. If i ate at table with him I'd just have two teas, which wouldn't help my bigmamas diet any, and the whole point of eating at table is it is sociable, not something you do on your own. Must resolve to do sat and sun lunches...
He's quite good in restaurants though...

You don't have to have two teas, Miranda! If dh is late I eat with the girls. When he gets in I sit at the table with him, having a cup of tea and some fruit, while he's eating.