He's 3.8. He's always been quite hard work, but as he gets older it seems to me that so much of his behaviour is not typical for his age. Sometimes I wonder about about autism or sensory issues, other times I think it's me and I've screwed up with him. I have a constant knot in my stomach when I think about his development. I have a 20 month old daughter who I don't worry about at all.
DS was at home with me until 13 months, when I went back to work part time. He went to childminder where he thrived. He was always strong-willed, but she managed him very well and was always commenting on how bright he was and how advanced his speech was. He joined in with games and crafts and ate and slept well. He stopped going after his sister was born as I was on maternity leave. A few months later we left the UK and moved to the US for DH's work. He's been at home with me and DD since then.
I'll try and describe some of the behaviour I'm worried about. He seems in his own little world so much of the time. I don't mean that he doesn't communicate well - he's very articulate - but he spends a lot of time singing loudly to himself (recognizable songs, but no words, just lalalaing). He will completely blank me at times, and when I ask him questions he gives me non-sensiacle, evasive answers. For example, I asked him this morning why he didn't want to draw with his sister and he told me "because the spider men will get me". He hid the remote control for the TV this morning and would only tell me that he'd put it "in the beehive". I still can't find it!
We don't see much of other children. I've struggled a bit to make friends. When we do see other children at the park he runs around shouting stuff like "run away, the giant squid is coming!" and quoting chunks of dialogue from Octonauts, which seems to baffle everyone else. He goes to a crèche at church for an hour every Sunday morning, and when we pick him up he's always playing by himself and has never joined in with any of the craft activites, although he says he enjoys himself and likes going. He plays in quite a rigid, repetitive way, filling containers and transferring things from one container to another. He will do this with whatever he finds; sand, Lego, play food etc.
I wonder about sensory issues too. He seems to need constant noise and motion. I mentioned the singing to himself, and except when he's watching TV or strapped in his car seat he seems totally unable to be still. He hates water and screams when we try and wash his hair. He hates wearing shoes and doesn't seem to have any feeling in the soles of his feet - gravel and hot pavements don't seem to bother him. He's a very fussy eater and withholds poo.
And then there's the tantrums and wild behaviour in public. He runs off, touches and climbs on things he's not supposed to. We try to be strict, explaining how to behave beforehand, removing him if he won't listen but he seems unable actions and the consequences. He'll cry and scream and when I try and explain why we're leaving he just blanks me or gives me his strange, evasive answers.
There are plenty of other things that worry me but this is getting so long! It's a bit of a brain-dump, I know. I'm so isolated, I have no one to talk to and just wanted to get this all off my chest. DH acknowledges that he's difficult, but thinks he'll grow out of it. My parents and in-laws think he just needs to go to nursery. Am I doing a shit job? I love him so much and tell him all the time, but end up shouting at him because I feel like I just can't get through to him. I wish I could understand him.