8 year old DD so defiant. Please help

[Meamomma]

I am in desperate need of ideas this morning. My 8 year old girl has always been very strong willed, but the defiance levels have slowly been building up to Mummy breaking point!! She pushes our buttons alot of the time, not doing as she is told, throwing a wobbly if she doesn't get what she wants and giving "attitude" in a BIG way. Lately I have been coming down heavier (things like confiscating her tv programmes for several days, use of my tablet, her bike etc) if she keeps on defying etc . We have explained to her that this is because we cannot have the behaviour anymore for all of our sakes. This morning she would not do as I asked and even when i got to the 'If you don't stop you lose your telly for a week etc' it made no difference, I told her that me and Daddy would discuss things and let her know what the consequences after school, i did this through sheer frustration/not knowing what to do/feeling I was on the verge of screamin, crying blah blah blah
Sorry this is so long winded, please forgive an addled brain, and help that addled brain out!

My DD can be very oppositional, also has other issues, but I wonder if some of the same tactics we have to use might work for you too?

I don't ask DD to do anything, I tell her 'it's time to do. . .', asking a question gives her the chance to refuse.
We reward behaviour, when she's done this, she can do something she wants to (TV, computer, etc)

I have a dd aged 11, she is really pushing the boundaries at the moment too.

If she doesn't do it she won't, no amount of grounding, removing her kindle etc helps. She says she doesn't care.
It's hard to know what to do as she's my eldest, I don't want to end up with a teenager that won't listen to a thing I say but removing privileges does nothing. She wk to tidy her room, wash up or set the table :(

Mine says she doesn't care either. I find the best policy is just to keep on with the punishments and withholding things until she does care.

It's wearying. She keeps stealing stuff too. I keep finding empty packets round the house, my jewelry in her bedroom, etc. It's a horrible feeling to know that you don't like your own child very much. I find I don't want to spend time with her anymore.

I'm dreading the teenage years!
So far my dd cannot walk to and from school with her friends this week, use her kindle or play out and she's still saying I don't care and refusing to clear up all her look bands and clothes from her floor.

I think it's my fault because I've been too soft with her in the past. I always used to do loads of chores and she only has to keep her room tidy, set the able sometimes and help wash or dry up. Don't feel this is unreasonable :(

I have days when I don't like my dd very much, very upsetting. Of course I love her but I miss the days when she was lovely and sweet!

Yes, I love my daughter dearly. It is such a horrible feeling when things like this happen, and I really don't like being around her.