Button phobia/aversion again...

[Elibean]

dd is 2.9, and has had a clear dislike of buttons on her clothing since about 18 months (or whenever it was I first put buttons on her). I don't push it, but don't avoid them either - she won't wear a blouse, but she has always grumped but put up with a polo shirt or t-shirt with one or two buttons on.
This morning she showed me the buttons on her duvet cover, and said 'don't like buttons, they're yucky' and we had a short chat about it. She really does'nt seem scared of them, just - disgusted by them (she seems quite cross with them). She doesn't seem to mind them on anyone else, or loose, just on her own clothing.
I've done a bit of research, and the concensus seems to be that this kind of phobia is probaby genetic....and usually starts very young, for no particular reason; but even so, I'm struggling. Feel guilty, and worried, and sad, and sort of ashamed (and ashamed of feeling ashamed, IYSWIM).
DH and I both think the way to go with dd is to accept that she has this, talk about it but not go on about it, and seek help when she's a bit older if necessary (have read that lots can be done to help kids with phobias when they get to about 7 or 8), generally be supportive without going out of our way to avoid buttons or the subject of buttons.
Ahhh.. this probably sounds really silly, but its utterly real to dd.
Anyway...struggling to deal with my own feelings today, feel very tearful. Probably not helped by the fact that she starts nursery tomorrow, or by being 27 weeks pregnant. Just thought posting might help

By the way, she's not an anxious child generally...pretty confident, good at expressing herself, no food or sleep issues, etc. Just clearly feels very strongly about buttons.

One of the mothers I'm friendly at at school has this phobia. She can't explain it, is fully aware that it's ridiculous and can laugh about it but she still can't bear them.

Hun, I think what you are doing is exactly right. Not pushing it but not avoiding either. Please don't feel bad about it at all, lots of young children go through things like this and I am sure at such a young age the best thing to do is what you are doing now

would you try getting her to play with those threading buttons that you can get in elc? or does she have a grandma with a button tin she could root through and explore? might help?

Thanks for replying so fast...apart from anything else, its the first time I've had to deal with anything being 'wrong' for/with dd. Hate to use that word, probably won't as soon as I can get past this bit - meantime, its just nice not to be sniffing over my keyboard solo! And the silly shame bit goes much faster if I talk about it, I know. Really, thanks.
Alexsmum, I tried doing button collage with dd once - no problem. Her great aunt has a button box she plays with - she seemed a bit disinterested last time, but not phobic. Seems to just be on her own clothes - something to be grateful for!

doesn't sound like a phobia to me, just a preference for clothes without buttons.like some kids don't like the seams on their socks, and my ds can't stand trousers with adjustable waists because they feel funny.i really wouldn't worry about it. and i wouldn't go out of my way to ensure that she has button free clothes because it might encourage it iyswim.

I hope you're right - that sounds much easier! Though she does really get upset if she finds a button on her own clothes - genuinely distressed. Ones that don't touch the skin are ok (cardigans, coats) but she panics if its a shirt or blouse. From all the accounts I've read, thats fairly standard - people don't mind jeans buttons, for example, but can't cope with button-down shirts.
Still, its probably healthier if I take the 'real, but not a huge deal' approach anyway - so am taking that on board, thanks!

Hi Elibean
My Dd(6) also has a thing about buttons,it started around the same time as your Dd's did.As you say the only way I can describe it is as a phobia,but then again its more of an intense dislike.My Dd even made me go as far as cutting the buttons off a beautiful cardigan she got for her birthday one year.lol
Havent got a miracle cure I'm afaid,though my daughters does seem to have faded abit since starting full time school.Uniform was problem,no school shirts here,although she will tolerate a polo shirt,as long as it has pretty buttons(Ive had to change them all) and leaving them undone,so she doesn't have to touch them.Also one tip ,my dd never wore jackets as they had buttons but I managed to get her to wear a denim one because it has studs rather then buttons.(well thats what I told her anyway)
Sorry I'm not much help,I just wanted you to know your not alone

This brings back memories for me. My DS is now 15 and has hated buttons on clothes since the age of about 18 months. He used to hold his shirts off his chest. He was ok at primary school coz he wore t-shirt and sweat shirt and elastic waisted trousers. I was dreading secondary school. He whinged like mad on the first day of having to put a 'proper' shirt on. Even now, aged 15, he will not take off his sweatshirt and expose his button down shirt to the world!! Even last July when the temperature reached 34c.

This august however, he has taken to wearing his normal baggy trousers with one rivet button, a plain t-shirt, and then putting a short sleeved shirt over the top, but ALWAYS leaves the shirt unbuttoned.

When he gets his arse out of bed I will ask him if he can remember what was going on in his head when the button started.

Thanks, Flumpy and Moon....both your stories sound sooo like the ones I've read on the button-phobia support site I saw (link was posted here on MN a few months ago, if I remember rightly).
Do either of your LOs have a problem with loose buttons? I only ask because dd played with my button box earlier, and even asked for four cards of tiny buttons to put in her 'treasure box'....not sure whether to be encouraged by this or not!
Feeling a lot calmer now, thanks to posting and, has to be said, a quick bit of retail therapy...

Yes, DS used to love playing with grandma's button box.. not worries there. It just seems to be buttons on clothes that touch his body really. Although actually, thinking about it, that includes winter coats too... always picks ones with zips.

This morning, she told me her Cat (favourite toy) hated buttons too. This was after I'd given her a rejected t-shirt (with 3 pretty buttons) to dress Cat in - which she happily accepted yesterday. Today, apparently, Cat would prefer a 'dress' without buttons....
Thanks both of you, dh and I are both getting used to the idea that this may or may not go away, and that we need to respect it without encouraging it, IYSWIM. I checked out the links, and again, its good not to feel alone with this - perhaps its not the end of the world after all?

Right here goes, I am Mrs 'no button' Mummy. Son (9) has never worn buttons on any piece of clothing apart from school uniform. He has worn neat new t-shirts to weddings and trousers with an elasticated waist. I used to worry about it and tried sewing attractive buttons on to a piece of cloth for him to feel and keep (may be better with girls as they may be more into chosing pretty buttons). I did worry about him starting school and talked to the teacher who said that any clothing of the right colour would do which reassured me. However, when it came to it, son accepted easily wearing school polo shirts and trousers (although until this year I have sewn a piece of soft fleece on to the back of the flies - because they itch - friends think I'm insane). I think this reflects the willingness and desire to conform, even at an early age - sad really!

For me, it's one of those things we look back on and wonder why it mattered so much. Son still doesn't wear buttons outside of school, but there is so much choice of clothing no-one notices. Duvet covers have to be the right way up etc. I accept it as part of this wonderful (albeit nutty!) child!

this really made me laugh, and also feel for you, because DS (now aged 4 1/2) has exactly the same thing. I think it started around the same age as your daughter's. Definitely not a phobia but a very real and strong preference for clothes without buttons. We've just managed to get him to agree to wear his uniform polo shirt for reception but he refuses all other polo necks, has never agreed to wear a button down shirt, and won't wear any trousers or shorts with buttons on. He also has that thing where he refuses to take off his school sweatshirt because he doesn't want people to see the buttons on the polo shirt underneath - I was amazed to read someone else's DS does this too!

I have to say we've given up worrying much about it, though it annoys me that we're so restricted in what we can get him to wear. I've interpreted it as yet another manifestation of his wish to assert control over his environment and his own body - he also hates having his toenails cut, for example, and spent several years screaming through haircuts (grown out of that now, thank goodness). This seemed to be coming from the same place. Maybe not the case for your DD though? In any case I don't think it's a sign of any major issue (she says hopefully), more just a personality quirk which in our case at least seems to be an outgrowth of DS's generally neurotic approach to life...

Thanks for that, BearsMum...puts it into perspective, and is reassuring. I'm a simple, comfy clothes sort of person myself (more jeans than dresses) and so far dd shows similar inclinations, so hopefully it won't be a huge issue. Might be harder in future, if it carries on, with a girl...but I'm not going to look too far ahead, no point.
Me, I hate maggots and am not overly fond of worms - dd hates buttons. I'm getting there

Wow, we're really not alone eh?!
MizZan, I have a feeling dd's dislike of buttons is a little different from some of her other preferences - eg she hates having hair slides or elastic bands in her hair, because they pull, but she asks me to buy them for her because they're pretty. Definitely a passing phase, that! And she seems fine with toenails, hair, etc - a few grumbles, maybe. With buttons...well, hard to explain, she just sounds different.
But either way, its good to hear that buttons are not popular with all kids!

I do sympathise. My daughter, now 3 1/2 also has a button 'phobia'. This started at about 22 months after I bought her a skirt with an adjustable waist (buttons on elastic). For a while I did get away with 'buttons at the back couldn't be seen', but at 3 years it changed to absolutely no buttons in any format, she even tried to stop me wearing anything with buttons. We decided not to make too big an issue, but it is somewhat difficult to dress her now. A minor breakthrough last week is that she had to wear a polo shirt with buttons as part of her school uniform (started pre-school last week), after an initial flare up she accepted that she had to be the same as everyone else and once she actually saw all the other children wearing exactly the same as her we have had no problems at all with the school polo shirt - however, I am not brave enough as yet to try any other item of clothing!!!
I don't actually think this is a phobia as such, more a case of a toddler exerting control over her own life, just go with it for now, after all, does it really matter in the scheme of things?

Hi not read all the other threads but we have the same issue with our DS1 (now nearly 8). We just put him in zip polo shirts for school and put no pressue on him whatsover to wear buttons. Still hates anything with buttons and has not worn a shirt in his life. I think the phobia comes out of making big issues out of things e.g. making them wear button'd items when they clearly hate them. Believe me there is more in life to worry about than not liking buttons.
XX

Completely agree about not pressuring kids to wear buttons if they don't like them - would never do that. And yes, dh and I were just saying the same thing...phobias or extreme aversions (people throwing up as adults at the sight of certain buttons, eg) may well be the result of negative reactions to their initial dislike. Though thats just me guessing.
Again, thanks for chipping in both...beginning to feel one of the crowd, much better

We had this with one of our kids, and it turned out to be because they were too fiddly to do up!!!!

Once they could do them up, suddenly buttons were great.

Have you tried putting velcro on the clothes??

Child still has the buttons, but doesn't have to do them up.

My youngest started nursery yesterday, so i know how tense and worked up you feel.

I was fine, until i got home and then i sat and cried.

I appreciate the understanding about nursery - took me by surprise how I felt on Monday! I hope your dd has a good day today (if she's going today) Fussymummy.
Also taken on board the velcro tip; dd not even tried doing up buttons yet (2.9) and seems a bit wary of dh's buttons (he told me yesterday) so not sure if fiddliness is her issue, but either way velcro could be very useful in future with school blouses etc (if its still an issue!).
Thanks on both counts

My daughter also dislikes buttons (3y 8m). As a younger child she used to refuse to wear certain items of clothing and it wasn't until about a year ago that she could actually tell us that she hated wearing anything with buttons. She said that buttons 'hurt' her and also dislikes anyone else wearing buttons. We can't even have a cuddle if we are wearing buttons in case they 'hurt' her. So far have managed to get away with clothes without buttons but this will have to change next year when she begins school.

My little girl goes to nursery 5 mornings a week.
She absolutely loves it, especially as her brother and sister go to school, that nursery is joined to.
Still can't believe they're all there together!!