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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Five year old admitting stealing

17 replies

cerealqueen · 05/07/2014 16:12

We have just come back from the summer fair. My daughter who is 5 had a go on a few stalls, won quite a few things, got candy floss, played with friends, generally had a great time. When we got home, we saw she had two loom band bracelets. DP bought one, she admitted she took the other one. She has been obsessed with loom bands for a couple of weeks. I promised her if she stayed in her own bed for a week I would but her a kit. She has't managed to do that.

She admitted it immediately and was very sorry, said she felt very foolish, didn't want the police to take her away, crying a lot. We had a very serious chat with her, about why it is wrong to steal, that the police would take her away if she did it again. I took the bracelet away.

I said there had to be some sort of punishment, though I am unsure what. She is sobbing upstairs. What would be appropriate???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

morethanpotatoprints · 05/07/2014 16:18

No punishment apart from taking the band away.
after she has finished crying give her a big cuddle, tell her how much you love her and give her a chance to win the bracelet back.
let her know that her behaviour is normal for little toddlers and if she wants to be treated like a big girl she needs to act like one.
try the bed again and remind her of her treat if she manages it this time.
It sounds to me like the transgression from pre school age to school age.
She will get there soon, don't be too hard on her.
I think you have done brilliantly with what you have done so far

titchy · 05/07/2014 16:23

You said the police would take her away Seriously you need to go up to her NOW and tell her that willNEVER happen. Poor thing must be absolutely terrified.

LoveMyBoots · 05/07/2014 16:27

I'm with titchy on this one. I really cannot understand why some parents say this to their children.

Original poster

cerealqueen · 05/07/2014 16:29

Sorry, I said that when people are older the police will take them away.

OP posts:

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 05/07/2014 16:31

She's 5 and made the wrong choice, your disappointment in her taking something she shouldn't should be enough to stop it happening again.

There should be no further punishment apart from her feeling bad and knowing it was wrong.

I wouldn't use the police as a scare tactic.

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 16:33

Tell her now that the police wil not take her away. She's 5-she will be terrified!

loopylady83 · 05/07/2014 16:41

for christ sake people get a grip my mum told me once that if I was really naughty the police would take me away and I survived to tell the tale

Original poster

cerealqueen · 05/07/2014 16:42

She did something very bad, she stole. If she isn't scared of the consequences it will happen again.

OP posts:

Original poster

cerealqueen · 05/07/2014 16:45

When she is older, she may be tempted to do it again. The police do stop and search young shoplifters, it was in the news last week.

OP posts:

mineofuselessinformation · 05/07/2014 16:49

Please don't tell her she can earn the bracelet back. It isn't hers to earn back.

OorWullie · 05/07/2014 16:55

I wouldn't let her earn the bracelet back.

i had a thread on here about DS stealing a kinder egg from our local shop and i made him take it back and apologise along with telling him why stealing is wrong etc.

she's had it taken from her now, i'd just get rid of it discreetly if it's not possible to return it.

Also, as a side note, i make a point of not using the police as a threat, I understand you are trying to make her aware of future consequences but I think it's better to leave the police out of it. At that age you want them to feel safe to approach the police if they ever need help, not be frightened of being taken away.

ReallyTired · 05/07/2014 16:56

She is five years old and well below the age of criminal responsiblity. It sounds like a huge telling off is enough of a punishment.

Perhaps you can talk to her about the consequences of stealing. Ie. the school lost money because they couldn't sell the loom band braclet. Talk about how stealing makes the victim feel sad. Undestanding WHY stealing is wrong is better than just simply saying that stealing is wrong. See if your daughter has any ideas on how she can make it up to the school for stealing the loom band braclet. Could she raise some money by doing some chores? Could you sponsor her for something?

SconeRhymesWithGone · 05/07/2014 16:57

I agree about her not "earning back" the bracelet. Is it possible to make restitution? You could help her do it anonymously, maybe with a little I'm sorry note. Then I would let it go and move on.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 05/07/2014 17:00

Cross-post with several others, and I agree about not scaring her with the police.

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 18:16

I think serious chat and taking the bracelet away. And perhaps giving some of her pocket money to whatever the fair was raising money for. And move on. She's 5. 5 year old's impulse control is not good at the best of times.

titchy · 05/07/2014 18:34

When she's older she may be tempted to do it again....

Yep she might. I can guarantee that whatever you do right now with this one incident at the age of 5 will have absolutely no bearing on whether or not she turns into a serial shoplifter as a teenager.

Helping her understand why stealing, and other poor behaviour, is bad though, if this is your general style of parenting will helpfully help instill a moral framework.

Telling her not to do something because something bad will happen to her does not instil such a framework as the only reason she doesn't do naughty things is because they result in something she doesn't like.

And you definitely do not want her to think the role of the police is to take people away.

Janeparenting13 · 05/07/2014 19:54

Sounds as if you may both have been a bit tired after all the excitement. Children do sometimes take things, grown ups do too, the odd pen from work, a bit extra on the expenses etc. However as a parent we tend to panic and see it as stealing and a BIG thing.

It's always best to be calm, emotionally connected and kind when teaching children about life skills and relationships as then they can fully hear and take on board what is said. Forgive yourself first as you acted out of fear, then talk with your little one about being sorry it became such a big thing as you know she is a kind, thoughtful person & is learning about life. Ask her what might be a good thing to do now? Ensure you have a big reconnecting hug as you both need it.

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