Is it me, or do I just have a contrary baby?

[Jessie5]

After finding myself searching archives for help with topics such as 'help, my baby won't sleep for more than two hours', or 'help, my baby won't drink' or 'help, my baby won't eat from a spoon', I have come to the conclusion that my baby may be just a tad awkward.
However, I get so many (uninvited) comments from friends, my mother, even my grandmother, like 'that baby has you wrapped round his little finger', or 'Well, you've let him win, haven't you'? (How? He's 9 months old, ffs). 'He likes breastfeeding too much', 'You spoil that baby' and 'you are too nice' are some of my particular favourites.
I am so pissed off with the suggestion that I have 'made' my baby contrary by spoiling him/breastfeeding/giving in. How the hell do I make a 9 month old sleep/drink/eat from a spoon? Could it not be that he is just majorly stubborn? Or am I just a soft (and therefore crap) mother?

Or maybe you are a good mother, meeting all his needs.

My 6 month ds won't drink from anything but me, and still wakes in the night, but he's happy. I find that if I present as confident that I'm coping and he is fine, I get less "advice".

It is impossible to judge whether your baby is contrary or you are too soft from an internet site

It is also impossible to judge whether your baby is contrary or you are too soft from real life

There are too soft parents, but not IMO when it comes to babies (ie children under 12 months old)

There are contrary babies

In fact the only people who can judge that is you and your partner

Do your family/friends ever actually give you compliments rather then critising? People are very quick to judge, especially when it comes to things they don't understand. If I were you I would stick up for yourself and point out that you are a good mum. In my experience they usually back off a bit then.

No, no compliments. Maybe I should stick up for myself more. The confident front is an interesting idea too, maybe I should stop telling them about any problems, it's not like anyone has any useful advice other than those comments anyway.
I don't see how you can be too nice with a 9 month old baby either, Twiglett. I have no intention of letting hi have his own way all the time when he is older, but I still say you can't make a baby do things they don't want to do.

He's not contrary - he's 9 months old.

As you have found RL people have no easy solutions (apart from to blame you) then try telling them the amazing things that your ds did. The brilliant thing is that then they will tell you it's because you are such a great mother, he's brainy because you breastfeed etc.

How can you like breastfeeding too much?

jessie, some babies seem more fussy or difficult than others because they find it difficult to sleep, seek independence early on (eg refusing to be spoon fed), express their personality and frustrations easily. thats just temperament in my opinion and not awkwardness.

my dd is 11m and very like this - and I also hear such comments from people who are idiots

you are doing a blooming fantastic job with him if you are still bf at 9 months - you are not helping him feel so lovely and secure and attached at the time he needs you most

I agree with threebob, stop mentioning the difficult aspects (its hard I know as they play on your mind more and cause you more worry) and start bigging him up and mentioning all his achievements and lovely things he has done

teach him sign language for better communucation, that should help

Thank you, some good advice and stuff that's made me feel better! I will definitely look into the sign language thing. I am still glad I'm bfing at 9 months, but he won't drink anything, not even water, for the childminder, so some people think I should stop. Will have to get tough I think - I know what's best for my baby!

my two DC were also "challenging" babies, now however they are 5 & 2 and yesterday we had a babysitter who said that they were the loveliest children she has met

I think they just were frustrated about not being able to do things (walk, talk, chose what to do etc)

i should have said

you are helping him feel lovely and secure and attached

Jessie I have one of those babies (17mths now) Like Bumbleweed says it really is down to temperament, and I have also found it easier just not to mention that he still bf at night, etc... But it is difficult isn't it - sometimes you just want to have a moan without people implying you have asked for it!

Thanks everyone, especially Bumbleweed.

Exactly, Tatties!

My ds was still bf at night when she was nearly 3!

You can't "spoil" a child with love and attention and "being nice"! (certain well known gurus to the contrary!) Are you having fun and is ds happy? OK then, carry on with what you're doing. Your baby, your life - you're the expert!

Jessie5, well done. I assume ds is your first baby. You sound very confident to be meeting ds' needs for as long as you have.

The only people you need to get tough with are the ones making silly comments. It is not as if THEY are breastfeeding or bearing the brunt of the childcare. If you can bear it, just leave ds with them for a bit. My MIL (4 children) was confident she could get dd to take a bottle - even she had to back off.

It is hard during baby days. But temperamentally "difficult" babies just blossom into such lovely toddlers once they achieve the developmental milestones like walking, talking and just having more control over their lives. Like USAUKmum's experience, my nightmare dd is now a sparky, generally well-behaved (though still strong-willed) pre-schooler.

it is great to hear things like that blueshoes and usaukmum - that your 'difficult' babies have become lovely well behaved children

we first-timers, who are having a difficult time of it, need all the reassurance and positive stories we can get

thats the great thing about mumsnet, most of the annoying people in RL (eg mothers-in-law) did the baby thing so long ago they are gazing back through the proverbial rose-coloureds and have forgotten its not easy

also agree that the culture promoted by certain so-called childcare gurus with lots of shiny books in the shops doesnt help one bit

jessie, your baby is really lucky you are his mum

Mentioning no gurus in paricular!
Thanks again , Bumbleweed - and thanks for all the lovely stories of confident happy children!

oh and jessie a book which really helped me was this one

some childcare gurus are okay eh?

I second bumbleweed's book recommendation . In fact, I just recommended it to someone else on another thread...

You might get the last laugh. My ds2 couldn't have been more angelic at 9m, but since 18m he's...... let's just say 'not angelic' .