4 year old regression - anxious about leaving preschool and starting school

[JaffaSnaffle]

Are there any other parents who are struggling with a deterioration in behaviour with their preschoolers?

DD1's (4.4) behaviour has been very poor over the last couple of weeks, with tantrums, whining and pointless stubborness making a reappearance. We have also had a few toilet accidents. I feel like she is reverting to her two year old self again. She is much worse when we are out of the house. She was so difficult at her friends that we had to leave early. She has suddenly started refusing to do what her swimming instructor is asking her to do. I could list on and on, but I guess the key thing is that her behaviour is completely uncharacteristic.

I am guessing that it is down to sadness at leaving her preschool, which she loves, and nerves at starting a new school.

When she has been on her school visits, she has been very happy and excited, but she is the sort of child that holds her worries close to her.

I would love any advice that anyone has to offer. I am being fairly strict with the discipline, (e.g. taking her home from her friends if she can't behave). I am also trying to be very positive about her new school, and giving her lots of cuddles and a few special days out together. Any other thoughts would be very welcome.

Are you talking about it too much? I only ask as many are oblivious until the day they arrive!

I mentioned it when mine went on their visit and then again a few days before they started...just to show them their lunchboxes etc.

Children live so much in the present that too much talk of the future can upset them.

My 4.9 yo has been much the same, just irritable and snappy and quite hideous to be around. He is not a child who just lives in the present though, he is always wanting to know what's next, and what happened before, and frets terribly over stuff too. He is at nursery at the school he is starting at in September, so knows his new teacher already, knows many classmates, knows the routine, but his nursery teacher is fairly certain (as am I!) that his behaviour recently is a reaction to leaving nursery and moving up. She said he is very emotionally mature, which sounds ridiculous for a four year old tbh, but we are working together to reassure him that school will be fun, he will have friends, he will still see his old teachers around the place etc.

I am trying not to talk about it much, as is dh, but school obviously want to prepare them all, and he will have his moving up day next week so school have told him about that.

We are also emphasising all the wonderful treats over the holidays to take his mind off it, and planning his birthday party (he is a September birthday).

It is difficult though, as so many of his peers are utterly oblivious to it all, and he is so worried about it. Apparently I was the same as a kid though.

I agree with *MrsWinnebago". DD is much the same. She has been wearing DD1s old school dresses for the past month so it's a huge deal for her, but after the moving up day I have put all of that stuff away and decided to stop talking about it or referring to it unless she initiates the conversation. We're in a village, she knows the school and most of her classmates so I'm sure she'll be fine in September.

my ds has also started having accidents when previously he'd been dry in the day for months and months, and also his behaviour at nursery has been abit iffy on a few ocassions recently. I'd not talked about it alot but i think they have been talking about it at nursery to the kids and we've been up to the school for two visits. DS also told me without me asking him that he was really worried about starting school. He is a child that doesn't really like change. no advice to give but marking my place for any advice my others. Like the poster above I think my DS will be fine once he starts properly in sept.

DS2 hasn't had accidents but has started crying when I drop him off at CM's. Hoping he'll be OK when he starts. He's another one who likes to plan. Have tried to tell him he doesn't need to start worrying till Sept. Not really working so far.

While I take the point about talking about change too much, it's a tricky balance to strike because she doesn't like change to be 'sprung' on her. She is also very aware of past and future. She has talked about 'remembering things in her mind' a few times lately, for example when coming home from holiday.
Her preschool is doing a lot of preparation, and also the new school. I know it's on her mind because we didn't know which school she was going to until fairly recently and had avoided all talk of schools, (long admissions story), but when we told her, her reaction was. 'Oh good, that's the school they are all talking about'.
I am hoping that when all the end of term fuss is over, the quiet of the holidays will do her some good and then once she is settled at new school the strange behaviour will end. In the mean time, I will try and avoid any unnecessary talk about new schools .