wwyd 4yr old really wants to be friends with neighbour kid

[FruitBasedDrinkForALady]

DD is just 4, and across the road is a little girl, "Amy", who is 4.5. DD really wants to be friends with Amy but Amy isn't interested. They are in the same day care, so often play in the same playground, but they are not in the same class.

Every day when we get home, DD checks for Amy's mum's car at their house and begs to call over to play, but any time we do call, Amy doesn't want to play with DD [. I don't know what to do. Amy is a nice little girl and I don't expect her to play with DD if she doesn't want to, but I don't know how to explain to DD. I've said Amy wants to play with other friends, but DD can't understand why she can't join in. Any advice?

That's a shame, your poor dd. Can you invite other friends to play? Or have other plans for activities to do with her after school that will distract her from Amy? It's one of those harsh lessons for children.

Think of something nice to do and invite Amy, something like a walk to the park and an ice cream. Or if it's because Amy is unsure about being away from mum or dad, then suggest that you all go together.

Sorry I see it's not school but day care - but assuming she has some other little friends there? Is she due to start school after summer? That will broaden her opportunities for new friends too.

I would make up a white lie to spare dds feelings eg Amy is very tired after nursery or her mummy wants herto have family time in the afternoon.
I would also say you have played with your friends today and now its time for home activities.

Aww that's a shame, but kids change so you never know they might be friends when the area little older.

Ds(10) has had kids he wants to play with turn him down, or kids have wanted to play with him but he won't go out. 2 weeks later they are playing together in a group.

It's harder when the are just 4 as you can't just send them out and let them to get on with it themselves.

I've tried all of those things! We put up the bouncy castle in our garden a few days, but Amy didn't want to come over. We have gone out into the green at the front with DS, playing football, but Amy didn't want DD to join in the game she was playing with her friends. In fairness, Amy's older sisters did a damn fine job trying to persuade her to be nice and let DD join in, and her Mum is mortified about the whole thing, but if it was reversed I wouldn't want to force DD to play with anyone either. We have friends over or go to theirs a couple of days a week, but I don't want to be in the habit of having to arrange something just to avoid the situation. I think I'm going to have to keep being the mean mum and saying DD isn't allowed over.

I feel even worse about it because DD is the only one in her montessori class who won't be going to school in Sept (we have the option here of keeping her until 5) so it's a lot of upheaval at the moment with all her friends getting ready to go.

God, I think I'd take night feeds over this for a while...

I think there is a fine line between forcing them to play though and her frankly being unkind.

How old are the sisters?

If dd was leaving one child out in the road without very good reason then she wouldn't be out playing.

I get what you mean, Tobysmum, but I think it's just a notion Amy has taken rather than her being malicious. Her sisters are 7 & 9 and the day they encouraged her to play with DD, they got on fine. Amy have DD a big wave as we were leaving the nursery car park yesterday, so we might try again this afternoon and see if there's a bit of a thaw.

If dd was leaving one child out in the road without very good reason then she wouldn't be out playing.

Same here tobysmum77

However if your DD wants Amy to play with her exclusively OP then I can see what the problem is. Why is at all about Amy? Can your DD just play with the whole group of kids instead?

I know some children who only like to play one-to-one, which isn't a problem when there's just two children but when there's a group they won't play at all. Then it looks like that child has been excluded which isn't the case.

Amy and DD are the only two the same age on the road. Being a bit younger (6months) DD has a slight fascination for Amy, which I know might be a bit overwhelming, so is just one of the reasons I didn't push them playing. DD doesn't play out on the green yet, and the only child on the road she knows is Amy (from daycare). DD is a bit shy of children she doesn't know, so there's no way she will approach any visiting children who might be out playing.

Anyway, I decided to give it another go today, and we invited Amy over to make a craft thing DD got as a birthday present... and, sod's law after all my worrying she said yes! They had a lovely couple of hours dressing up, doing the craft thing, painting, having a snack, etc, and when she was leaving, Amy asked if she could come back tomorrow! As it turns out, we have other plans so I said I'd talk to her mum on Monday. We'll see what sort of humour they are both in then.

I'm really glad it's worked out so well for you and your DD OP. Maybe Amy is a little bit shy and needed to get used to the idea first. My DD comes across as very confident but she needs time to think about going somewhere without me.