iv been a really shitty mum today..

[donefornow]

So to cut a long story short we have had an ongoing battle with dd over rubbing herself on chairs at school since she was about 2 and she is still rubbing herself raw.
No underlying health issues like thrush or water infection.
She keeps coming home with a little red bottom and says she's been 'rocking' as she so nicely puts it..
So far we have tried to be patient but tonight when she came home I lost it. I told her that I had told her its not ok to do in school a million times and that she was being very rude :( I shouted at her and sent her to her room.
I'm so ashamed of myself and have just apologised to her. She's 5 1/2 and I know it's normal for her to self explore I know she understands the in private thing and yet she completely ignores me on this one.
I'm at my witts end with it all AGAIN...
I feel I'm setting her up for a life of issues but I'm gettibg to the point where telling her 'not in public' is getting us nowhere...

It feels horrible when you loose it over something like this but we all get exasperated sometimes and you are not the only one to have lost it with a 5 year old, apologising lets her know you regret it and take responsibility for it. If haven't already you could try putting this issue in a separate thread to see if there are any ideas out there.

I've done this before (the losing it bit, not the chair thing). It is horrible afterwards....I always feel so, so guilty. But it's completely human. We can't always be calm and perfect. I say sorry and say that I make mistakes, and that shouting at you was a mistake.

Nobody is perfect. Of course self exploration is normal but at her age she should really know when not to indulge. has she got any other signs of sensory difficulties? Food issues? Sensitivity to noise?

Hi,I just wanted to say that I have had practically the same experience today. My DD will be 7 in Nov. she has been 'exploring' for at least 2 maybe three years now. I'm not aware of her ever doing it at school but I am always telling her off for doing it when my 19mth old DS is in the same room as her or at her grandparents. I tell her it's private & should only be done alone. She says she understands but I am always catching her doing it anyway. Today I told her off once for doing it in front of DS & at grandmothers. About an hour ago caught her on the sofa whilst DS was sat less them 3feet away. I am ashamed to say I totally list it, screamed in her face. I then grabbed her and dragged her up the stairs and practically threw her into to bed. DH went mad at me but I was literally shaking with anger. I feel awful. She is asleep now and I've spent the last hour sobbing outside her door.

It is normal for children to explore but they also know at that age when and where they can do it - they pick up social ques that none of their peers do it etc.
does your daughter have any other sensory issues. Eg dislikes dirt on hands, seeks out some textures or avoids textures. Is she fussy with food , likes massage, needs to run, swing, bounce a lot etc ?

Thanks for replies everyone, no she doesn't seem to have any sensory issues although she picks at things a lot, ie scabs, ears, belly button.
I feel your pain MrsWhirling it's such a hard one, she's such a lovely girl I feel horrible shouting at her but I'm at my witts end...
Do you think a trip to the gp is in order at this age or will she just outgrow it?

Her habit is making her very vulnerable as she is doing it in public. If she rubs in school she will do it in other public areas.
A meeting with the school on setting stratagies that you both implement.
There is a specialist cushion you can get which is rubber filled with air and is slightly wobbly. It's meant for children who have difficulty sitting still or have dyspraxia etc. what it does is make the child aware of their body as they have to concentrate on sitting a little. This might distract your daughter.
The cycle of rubbing needs to be broken it's prob gone to more than this is a good sensation so I'm going to touch it to not even realising she is doing it. A bit like thumb sucking.
If you take her to the GP ask to be referred for some specialist behaviour psychological help like child psychology. This sounds worse than it is. These people are fantastic in helping her and helping you help to help your daughter in changing her thought processes to be able to break the habit.
I feel it's not as simple as learning to do it at certain times. She is probably does it without thinking again like thumb sucking. Good luck it's going to be tough on both of you.

Please take her to the GP. My friend's dd still does this at the age of 11 and it is now a really difficult habit to break. She has just seen a child ed psych at school and this seems to have stopped the problem at the moment.