When and how did you discuss the subject of "death"

[mandbaby]

My eldest son (4.8) is currently interested in Ancient Egypt and in particular mummies after a trip to a musuem. Naturally this has led to further questions...

And, I know it's July, but the other day he asked to watch "The Snowman and the Snowdog". Again, more questions.

I was probably a little too honest which got me into trouble with my DH who said I should have lied.

How, what and when did you discuss with your children the subject of death.

I'm interested to hear what non-religious parents told their children? Do you still talk about "heaven"?

Any advice/anecdotes welcome xx

We told DS the 'Lion King version' when his GGF died. Basically the people we love turn into stars when they die and they watch over us. He was only 4 at the time and has accepted this.
Neither DH or I are particularly religious and we felt this the best way to explain death. Body = shell, person = star after they die

We discussed death with all the DC after much talk about why they have family on their fathers side and not on mine. We were honest too on the grounds that not being honest may come back to bite us later. We just explained the whole 'life must come to an end sometime and that was this persons time' thing and didn't broach an afterlife or where do they go kind of thing because we didn't find that helpful either.

I like the "stars" idea.

When I told DS1 that we all die at some point (that sounds really blunt - I promise I did sugarcoat it a little bit!) he did start to get a bit upset and told me he didn't want to die. That was when hubby said I should've lied. I really don't think I should have though. Surely kids shouldn't go around thinking they're invincible otherwise what incentive is there to stay off roads/train-tracks/stay away from rivers etc.

I did the talk with DD when she was 2 after my mum died. I wasn't expecting to do it so soon but it worked pretty well. I said that everyone does die sometime - most people were very old when they die, but Grandma got very sick, so sick that she couldn't get better, and that her time came sooner than we'd wanted.

I'm religious but DH is atheist, so I did cover the afterlife/ heaven angle but said that many people think other things happen after we die (stars, reincarnation, spirits), and that one thing everyone agrees on is that people who have died stay with the people who loved them in our thoughts and memories, and that the memories of all the happy times we had with them will never go.

"Dear Grandma Bunny" is quite a good book to explain death and funerals to very young children, FWIW.

DD is now very matter-of-fact about it all. A (very) few people suggested that I say to DD that Grandma had gone on holiday, which I got very angry about - I really think that can be damaging, whatever the child's age.

We are atheists and went very simply at the start - the younger years - "Do you remember what it was like before you were born?" "Death is like that", "everyone dies", "memories stay behind, they help people stay happy even though someone has died"

and now they are older we do the "We are all made up of atoms - they have ALL been around since the big bang and the start of time itself, all your atoms have been other things before you, and will become other things after you, until the end of time itself"

Cue much laughter that daddy's nose could have atoms that were from an elephant's bum etc. - you probably had to be there......