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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Was I unreasonable to let DS poo in the garden?

61 replies

Bluetroublethree · 01/07/2014 23:15

He's 5. He's had a lot of trouble with chronic constipation, overflow etc and withholding. He gets into a particular position when he's trying to keep it on and I saw him do it. He's been on movicol off and on and after a few days and a weekend of no poo he had 6 movicol.

Anyway tonight I tried very hard to make him go to the toilet and have a try but he wouldn't, so I said he could go in the garden. If we go walking he LOVES doing a poo in a bush (?) so I thought it was worth a try. Luckily we live in a remote house with woodland at the back so I reckoned it wasn't much different to fox poo.
And good enough, everything cleared!!!
DH says I was wrong to let him do it, but I think the ends justify the means!
AIBU?

OP posts:

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CeliaBowen · 01/07/2014 23:59

If he doesn't like changing toilets is there something you could do to make the environment more familiar for him? For example a portable training seat which goes with him? I realise this is not ideal at school, but perhaps in other circumstances?

It sounds awful for both of you, so I hope you find some help soon.

Hooleywhipper · 02/07/2014 00:00

Think I would ask to be referred to the continence nurse(via GP). They are experts, Movicol is fantastic stuff but has to be taken regularly, even when bowel habits are " normal", good luck,poor DS.

Original poster

Bluetroublethree · 02/07/2014 00:03

I'm not sure. He doesn't seem to even know when he's done a bit of poo - as though some sensation has gone. I used to get so upset about it, but now we just don't make a fuss and get clean pants etc. I think there's something going on with cleaning himself. He would rather I did it, and he said when the teacher cleaned him, she hurt him. He says a lot "mummy do it gently."

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluetroublethree · 02/07/2014 00:04

A continence nurse - that's an idea. Do they have them that specialise in children?

OP posts:

MrsMaturin · 02/07/2014 00:09

It's a relatively common problem in children so yes both doctors and specialist nurses have expertise to help. in terms of 'will they refer' - use the fact that he had to poo in the garden to evidence the issue!
Stress plays a huge part in constipation and some people will always be prone to it. The next time I have a family bereavement I will be sure to drink and eat fruit all the way through it because not doing so last time just made a bad time worse. In your case it may well be the stress of change of house that's worsened a problem that was already there.

Original poster

Bluetroublethree · 02/07/2014 00:11

Yes and today was a bit if a tricky day for him anyway, he was playing up and I'd told him off a couple of hours before bug I ghiyght we had passed that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluetroublethree · 02/07/2014 00:13

Actually, the downstairs wc was out if action this afternoon and it was about 20 mins after I'd told everyone not to use it and to go upstairs that I found him crouched. It's weird what comes back when you write it down.

OP posts:

NinjaLeprechaun · 02/07/2014 00:14

I know somebody who did this years ago because her son was afraid of the toilet for whatever reason, which set up constipation and painful poos, causing more fear, causing... you get the idea.
She asked him where - other than his pants - he was willing to go, and that was his choice. I don't remember exactly, but it seems that it all got sorted fairly quickly - a few weeks and he was willing to try the toilet again. Sometimes 'whatever works' is your best only option. It worked.

Original poster

Bluetroublethree · 02/07/2014 00:18

Thanks Ninja for not judging. Honestly, I don't think I'm daft or overindulgent, just worried.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 02/07/2014 00:19

I honestly can't see the slightest problem with this. He's 5. Why shouldn't he poo in his own garden. OP- remember there are people on Mumsnet who won't poo on in their own loo if there's anyone else in the house, or let anyone else poo in their loo.

Do whatever makes him happy. It will change as he gets older. It'll be fine

divingoffthebalcony · 02/07/2014 00:19

It's very common for children to lose sensation when their bowel has been stretched out by years of chronic constipation. That's why I think he needs to see a gastro. Nurses are fab for medication advice but I think your son needs a thorough physical examination.

MultipleMama · 02/07/2014 00:36

I let my DC do it on woodland walks. For the simple reason that I don't want to cause an issue by making them hold it if we're not close to home. We pick it up and put it in the dog bin. Also pee in the woods (I have quite a few fimes!) but DC know to go to toilet when home or wait if we're close to home.

I used to hold as a child, I used to sit under my high sleeper with my knees to my chest because I enjoyed the goosebump feeling I got by holding - it started by having a poo that hurt because my parents made me hold it in as we in the car. I went days without pooing (I was around 7/8yo) but I grew out of it. My parents were none the wiser.

If it's the only place he's willing to go and it's in your garden then as "no other option" then no, it's not unreasonable to let him, especially if you say he was showing signs of holding again. I would suggest if it's the only place he'll go see if he's willing to use a potty type thing outside it might be that he feels more comfortable outside and doesn't feel as scary...

I would suggest like some others have said about getting a refferal and seeing the nurse, there's no harm in checking out all your options.

Good luck and I hope he gets some help. Xx

mrssprout · 02/07/2014 01:35

I could be totally wrong here but.....is there any chance that it is not so much the being outside but the position he would be in, probably squatting slightly, that makes him feel more comfortable going if he has had trouble going before & had pain ??

lougle · 02/07/2014 06:54

Bananas can be constipating so it might be a good idea to skip those and substitute for something like plums?

Sitting on the toilet with feet in a stool can help. Rubbing the base of the spine, also.

PastaandCheese · 02/07/2014 07:08

That was my thought too mrssprout.

Iggly · 02/07/2014 08:14

Whole wheat might be too much for him.

Also was he an unsettled baby? Just wondering if there might be intolerances eg dairy - this could cause constipation.

The other thing is the position he poos in. Sitting on a loo with legs dangling is difficult to poo. Try either giving him a stool to put his feet on so his knees are higher than his hips or let him sit on a big comfy potty. Tommee tippee do big ones.

deepbluetr · 02/07/2014 08:21

My son had chronic constipation for years. He would have a poo only every two to three weeks. We saw a hospital consultant- he was diagnosed with gut damage resulting from the pertussis vaccine.

He would poo naked on the kitchen floor. He would be in tears as the poo was so huge that it would be very painful. I was just happy that he did a poo- it was always a great relief - to us all. At least it was easy to clean up afterwards as we had vinyl flooring in the kitchen.

We did have lots of treatment, all the fruit, juice, Movico, Lactulose etc.
The problem was resolved in the end, and hapy to say he poos once a day now- on the toilet.

At the height of his troubles I would have let him poo anywhere- although I would always have cleaned it up.

Booboostoo · 02/07/2014 08:35

I don't have any useful experience of this problem but I really can't see the problem with pooing in the garden. People do go to the toilet outdoors, e.g. When camping in the middle of nowhere and this is a 5yo we are talking about in his own garden. DD (3yo) will poo and pee outdoors on our farm because depending on where we are it could take 20 minutes to walk back home - I'd rather she did it outdoors than strain to hold it in or think that she shouldn't go to the toilet. I'd let him go wherever he wants (pick up after him outside your garden) and if there is a psychological component to the problem this may well help him.

naturalbaby · 02/07/2014 08:39

How is teaching your son to poo outdoors going to help long term? What are you going to say when you get a phone call from school about him pooing in the playground?

nomdemere · 02/07/2014 08:58

I let my DSs poo in the woods once - we were on a walk away from anywhere, and they needed to go (they were 3 and 5 at the time). I put a nappy bag down on the ground for each of them and they poo'd into that, then I tied it up and took it with us to the bin. Mind you, I had a baby at the time, so had nappy bags handy, and a pushchair to sling the bags under until we got somewhere with a bin. Might have been trickier without that.

deepbluetr · 02/07/2014 09:01

"How is teaching your son to poo outdoors going to help long term? "

Perhaps it isn't. Perhaps the OP is in a very difficult situation- as I was.
My son was in such a state I would have let him poo in my shoe if necessary.

Hakluyt · 02/07/2014 09:06

She's not teaching her son to poo outdoors. She is allowing her child to poo outdoors occasionally.

I honestly can't see why this is a problem at all!!!!

mumtosome61 · 02/07/2014 09:07

Just a thought, may be wrong - maybe he has started to associate the toilet with the ongoing constipation and pain that occurs when he has to pass a large stool? I'm not saying allow him to poo indiscriminately in the garden each time he needs to go because it may reinforce the idea that it is acceptable at all times, but may be worth asking him if he is "afraid" of the toilet/going to the toilet? I'm not sure why going in the garden would feel more comfortable, but may be a different area that doesn't contain associations.

I had an awful phobia of vomiting as a child and would actively ignore the toilet unless I was absolutely desperate - I was often constipated and ended up with bladder infections through holding onto it. Even though I was rarely sick in childhood, the memory of the one time I was very ill was enough for me to see the toilet as a 'bad place'!

I hope it is resolved, OP. It seems toilet avoidance is a common issue; my DP's nephew is also reluctant to go.

snickers251 · 02/07/2014 09:10

Haven't read the whole thread but as a mother of a witholder

snickers251 · 02/07/2014 09:11

Haven't read the whole thread but as a mother of a witholder (currently on day 6) if that's what it took to get him to poo then I'd do it!

I would bag it up tho

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