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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why is my dd so bloody willfull and won't do anything I ask?

11 replies

Lilliput · 08/09/2006 22:53

Dd is 3.5 and I have had a pretty rough few days with her. She will not do as she is told, I say things over and over and it is like she is in her own little world. She is big time in to imaginative play at the moment, I quite often have to be the green goblin, she's spiderman. We can barely have a conversation in reality and it is driving me mad. She is also becoming increasingly worse at going to the loo, she has to have practically wet herself before she goes, her pants are always wet and she had half pooed herself the other day. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

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harpsichordcarrier · 08/09/2006 22:55

haha lilliput I am lol because my dd is exactly the same age and I have had a terrible week with her.
repeat after me:
it is just a phase
this too will pass

StinkyPete · 08/09/2006 22:58

my ds is same age and same stage. i try to 'flip it' iykwim. look at the world from her shoes. she's only just out of being a baby. she doesn't mean to annoy you, but she's just discovering all these fantastic games and experiences and they are much more fun than tripping of to the loo and every other thing you've nagged her to do a hundred times before.
sounds like she's a really bright little spark with fab imagination. try to chill out and enjoy her.

phatcat · 08/09/2006 23:01

oh god me too - ds is 3.5 and in the past couple of weeks has started being very defiant and naughty just for the sake of it. Timeout and starcharts have lost their currency. I got the first 'I hate you mummy' the other night too. He also prevaricates about the bush at everything. Time to read up on the old pasta jar technique methinks ...

Original poster

Lilliput · 08/09/2006 23:05

I know it's a terrible things to say but sometimes she really is too clever and I think that is why I expect her to 'get it' and understand what I want from her. She has always been very articulate and I just find it maddening when I get no response from her or a load of role play stuff in return. However, you are right, I am proud of the fact she is a bright spark and sometimes her games can be hilarious.

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expatinscotland · 08/09/2006 23:12

I'm afraid it has nothing to do w/being clever and everything to do w/being a normal 3.5 year old child.

My DD1 has had gross and fine motor skills delays from the get go and she does the same thing now at 3.2 years of age.

She's testing the boundaries, trying to figure out what a rule is.

Well, I'm the boss and she's the child. There's only one way for her to learn that.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 08/09/2006 23:38

re doing what she's told - there are 2 pieces of advice that came my way and which stuck with me. One is that if a child doesn't do what you ask after the second time, they aren't going to do it, unless you change something. If you just ask again it's no different from the first or second time. they didn't do it then. They have no reason to do it when you ask a third time. so ask twice, then say, if you don;t do it by the time I count to 3, x will happen. the other thing someone said to me, was that you have to get them to want to do what you do. very smiliar to the first thing, really. But it also hints at alternative approaches to asking them to do something - make it a game, a challenge, make them think it's a good idea, make them think it's their idea.

StinkyPete · 08/09/2006 23:46

phatcat - doesn't that just make you feel absolutely horrible. ds says i don't love you, i only love dad (yes, that's because dad is only here for the fun stuff, not the boring mundane everyday crap)

Elibean · 09/09/2006 08:55

Ha - got the beginnings of this and dd is only 2.9: I wonder if it starts earlier it finishes earlier?!? I know, probably wishful thinking...

Mine is very into imaginative play too, I try and turn that to my own advantage - get into the games and get things done within them, IYSWIM. Though at the end of the day, its as Expat says - I'm the boss, and there are boundaries, and she has choices.

As for reality, just when I give up and ask 'Dora' or 'Doggie' a question, dd will say (slightly annoyed) 'NO Mummy, I not Doggie, I Eli - just Eli!'.

Have to admit, whether I find all this fun or hair tearingly frustrating has a lot to do with how I'm feeling at any given time...

JAMESANDME · 11/09/2006 23:26

I think you've all just saved my son's life! He's 2y 10m and the last week has been awful. From being a lovely, happy, clever little boy. All he can say is NO. DON'T TOUCH, THAT'S DISGUSTING... and will not do as he is told....

Notquitesotiredmum · 12/09/2006 11:07

And what is worse, the more you tell them not to do things, and try to sound serious/grown-up, the more they learn to copy what you say. My ds2 (3.2 and in his 7th month of this phase [Agh!]) will now regularly tell ME not "to talk in that tone of voice" . . . "I mean it" . . . " I do NOT like it when you . . ." and regularly offers to send me to the naughty step!

Oh well, ds1 grew out of it by the time he was 5.5 !!!

NotQuiteCockney · 12/09/2006 11:09

Ha, my DS2 (not yet two) will request things he really wants, by putting his face right next to mine, and saying the thing he wants really really clearly.

At least it's a technique I'm ok with him using on me!

And hat-woman, that's a good point, about the "asking twice" thing. I get really really sick of the sound of my own voice, asking both DSes to do things over and over and over again.

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