At my wits end with potty training!

[junkfoodaddict]

DS aged 2.5 is going through potty training. We begun this in April because he was refusing to poo and we thought he was ready as maybe the poo was beginning to feel uncomfortable as he said "Me not poo, me not trump because I'm a big boy". This puzzled us as nobody makes him feel dirty or babyish for wearing nappies or having poos. In fact, he's naturally curious about us going to the loo, comes with us and we encourage him to sit on it, though if he refuses, we let it go.
Fast forward three months almost and DS has cracked the wees although he will understandably have a few accidents now and again, partcualrly towards the end of the day when he's tired. But he is refusing to poo.
We consulted advice from the HV after a month who is lovely and suggested an apoointment with the GP. I couldn't get one for two weeks so my CM 'put her foot down' at the surgery, got him a prescription for lactulose and we were told to keep the appointment.
We went for the appointment and the the GP said it was behavioural (which we knew about) and to seek advice from HV but we said we already had and she referred us to him! GP said stop the lactulose. So we have.
In three months, DS has not pooped normally - I think only about three times when he's either sat on the loo or did it in his nappy at bedtime and it's been a good quantity. He can go nearly 10 days with just small amounts (by this time, hard, round or soft but very compact) several times a day, marking his pants. His tummy is very enlarged and hard, he isn't eating properly and refuses meals, preferring to 'snack' (although yesterday the CM said he ate well!?!?). He doesn't seem uncomfortable but he is 'hiding' when he's keeping it in.
This morning he was clearly sitting on the floor keeping it in. We encouraged him to go to the toilet - bribery, reassurance that we'll come but shut the door (in case it's embarrassment) to no avail. He will go and wee but not poop. There is ALWAYS poop smears between his bum cheeks.
I just don't know what to do next! We're not sure what has caused this because before this occurred, he never had a bad experience and his poop is now ball shaped and hard because I think he's gone so long holding it in. As for drinking, he's a nightmare to get fluids into him during the day, preferring to drink in the evening.
Help!!!

It will be hard to figure out why he's doing it, the most common theories will be fear, noise and pain.

For dd1 we had a short story the hv gave us called "poo goes to poo land" Google it, we just read it whilst she was sat on loo numerous times but did the trick.
Then I had dd2 who was a doodle to train just very late as girls go.
Then along came ds, he was about 3wks shy of his 4th birthday. He was ridiculously stubborn and refused to come out of nappies, would sob for an entire day if we took it off him.

We had tried everything we could think of, sticker charts, sweets new toy bribery, nothing worked. Then one afternoon it struck me. If he agreed to go to the loo he could play on a new game of his choice that we would download on my phone (so it was mobile for days we were out) and it was only his game nobody else could play on it. The amount of time he got depended on what he did. Hey presto he was instantly potty trained. Try and find something similar for your ds, something that's grown up and only his.

Hi, I don't normally post, but your story just sounds so familiar that I wanted to share what I have learnt so far. As far as I am aware the fear of pooing can be as simple as 1 painful poo which leads to the child withholding as they are scared to go, almost perpetuating the problem as it becomes painful every time. it can also cause the rectal passage to stretch as poo builds up in it time and again. The solution as I have been told is first to clear any build up. we were prescribed movicol and then to keep the motions loose enough for a long time until the psycological issues are lessand rectal passage shrinks (we were told 6 months is a realistic time frame!) we use lactulose, but i have know people who remain on movicol for the long term. We are currently potty training, but have been aware of the issue for some time we were also told potty training might help..... not so far, but we there are glimmers of hope and we only use lactulose sparingly at the mo. If I were you I would go back to GP or HV and insist on more help. There is lots of advice out there and you can also be referred to specialists at the hospital. Hope this helps