I hate being a parent right now!

[inthewoods4]

So just walked in from work, after an hour and a hour and a half commute. My dd was with our nanny and behaving beautifully but the minute she saw me she said, 'have you got me anything?' When I said no she kicked off! She asked for a snack so I made her toast but she pushed it away and started screaming. I took her to bed and more screaming, 'I want toast!' Only just stopped after half an hour. Now she's realised I'm seriously pissed off and is trying to be all sweet as pie! I just don't enjoy this!! Sometimes I just wish I didn't have to deal with this every night! She's 3.7 xx

You know, three was the WORST age for my DD. Exactly the same- MASSIVE kick-offs which could lead to stand offs lasting hours. One trigger which we identified was hunger- if she got hungry, which she didn't seem able to identify until it was too late, then nothing could be done but ride it out. We couldn't even get food into her to stop it! I'm not saying that's the trigger in your case, (and sometimes she kicked off for god knows what reason!) or that you should be doing something different. Just that it will pass. Now, at 5 we get the occasional foot stamp or arm cross, or at worst a bit of a flounce out of the room. But now she is able to understand that there will be consequences she doesn't like if she pushes it too far. When she was three, she frankly didn't give a SHIT that there would be consequences!

Thank you DerbyDolly, I'm telling myself its just as stage, and I know it is. It's just that on top of a very high pressure job, and a commute I feel like I'm getting to breaking point. I cried on the train this morning.
I think I just need to sleep for a long time! (she's waking at 5.30 each morning at the moment) xx

She sounds angry with you
Perhap

Perhaps she feels slightly abandoned by you if you're working long hours and she's left with a nanny
I have a son of 3 1/2 and he can get really angry with his dad if his dads had a long hour week at work and he has me at home full time so you would assume he wouldn't be as bothered but he is!

Yes, I agree. I realised that I get home tired, spend 15 mins or so with her before we start the bedtime routine, so on Friday I got home, did some drawing with her, then she asked nicely for a bath (normally nanny does this but I asked her to leave it) and then we had a nice relaxing bedtime. She's at an age where she gets very frustrated and doesn't know quite how to express it. I think I need to put myself in her shoes. It doesn't help that I've just gone through a period of depression (had pnd 4 years ago) xx

Straight home from work is always the worst 10 minutes, ime. Sometimes I'm ignored other times it's straight to 15 demands from each child.

Is there any possibility of you reducing your work hours if it's having this kind of effect on your child?

Sadly not, I've got a pretty senior role and they don't really allow flexible working. They are very good if I need to leave early or have days off for my dd however. I've always worked full time since my dd was 6 months old so I think it's more of an age thing xx

Some nights I come home and it's similar. It's like you walk in right in the middle of the witching hour when they are maybe a bit hungry, and definitely a bit tired. I know I can have been in the house less than half an hour and I'm desperately trying not to snap when the toddler is insisting on so fucking slowly choosing her own book to read before bed.

It's hard. I do agree that they get quite used to it - DD sees me less during the week compared to her dad, we've not had problems with it - but the combination of hunger, tiredness and excitement at seeing you can be really overwhelming for them.

I did childminding a while back and it seems to be that no matter how well the child behaves all day, it goes pear shaped as soon as the parent arrives.

They all did it!

I think assuming it is because OP works (which she has done since LO was 6 months) is a huge leap, and not warranted. Also, why say that LO is 'left' with a nanny? Sounds deliberately pejorative. I work PT and used a nanny when mine were wee - she was a much-loved member of the family and the DC had a fantastic bond and relationship with her.

Mine are now 8, 6 and 3, I still work PT, only 2 days a week and I almost always walk into chaos when I get home, and requests for food - especially from the 3yo, funnily enough - because he is 3 .