Anyone reading How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk? want to chat about how to apply irl?

[livelablove]

I have just finished this book which I found really interesting and easy to follow. I am sure some of it will help with some parenting problems I am having. I often feel I constantly say the wrong thing to my dd (9) and upset her, or talk too much but fail to get her to co-operate.

There are a few things I am not sure about. I had a problem this morning as she has fallen out with a friend and did not want to go to school. I tried talking about her feelings as per the book but didn't get it right and she ended up more upset than ever.

On the plus side it is working well when she is not too upset. We had a much calmer evening last night than usual.

She came back from school happy having made up with her friend! She has now gone off shopping with her dad. One thing I notice is I often think dh should say more in reply to her but he very often says Mmm or I see as recommended and thinking about it, she is often happy with that.

I've read it and other, very similar books. I think the key is to LISTEN to what she has to say rather than offering your own thoughts and opinions. Noises and saying "I see" or "I understand" will get her to open up much more. She will fill the silence if she wants to. Just make sure she has your attention (I.e. you're not washing up or cooking while she's talking. Sit and make eye contact, or hug if the timing is appropriate). And above all, empathise and don't dismiss or try and solve her feelings.